Three rich mountains, spewing oil, flames, and shining gold from their mouths, each showing the wealth they possessed. The hill next to it threw envious glances at the seniors and applauded them. When it was his turn to show off the energy he possessed, he was a little shy and happy enough to take a seed out of his mouth.
Three mountains, each with its own miraculous powers
The three mountains laughed in disgust, threw away the seeds and teased the hill, and together they put the cloud on top of the hill, and then fell asleep triumphantly. On a cold night, the rainy hill was lost and difficult to sleep, and the discarded seed was inadvertently washed back by the rain, and the hill picked up the seed again and held it in his hand, humming happily in the rain, and then put the seed in his mouth and fell asleep.
In the cold rain, the hill is about to usher in a transformation
The next day, the rain passed, and a towering tree grew above the hill, and the fallen fruit completely buried the three big mountains that mocked him...
Three mountains of arrogance
"The Stone of His Mountain" is only 7 minutes long, but has a deep healing function. In order to show their ability, the three mountains play tricks on the sincere and kind hills for no reason. Xiaoshan was not discouraged, and through self-regulation and control, he picked up the seed that belonged to him, and eventually grew into a towering tree. The metaphor of the story expresses a phenomenon known in psychology as the "Fistinger's Law"
German short film "The Stone of his mountain"
Leon Festinger (1919–1989) was an American social psychologist. It mainly studies people's expectations, ambitions and decisions, and uses experimental methods to study social psychology problems such as prejudice and social impact. He has a very famous judgment:
The "Fistinger's Law" – 10% of life is made up of what happens to you, while the other 90% is determined by how you react to what happens.
In other words, even if something terrible happens in front of you, you can't be afraid, this is only a 10% objective factor, and the way you handle things in your hands is the real 90% decisive factor. It is very likely that we will take control of it in our own hands and decide that the overall direction of events tends to be optimistic.
Fistinger gives such an example in his book
When Castin got up in the morning to wash up, he casually put his high-end watch on the side of the washstand, and his wife was afraid that the watch would be wet with water, so she took it and put it on the table. The son got up to go to the table for breakfast and accidentally broke his watch on the ground.
Casstin loved watches, taught his son a lesson, and scolded his wife with a black face. The wife was aggrieved and angry, saying that she was worried that the water would wet the watch. Castin angrily replied that the watch was waterproof. The two quarreled violently. In a fit of anger, Castin did not eat breakfast, drove to work, arrived at the company only to find that he forgot to take his briefcase, and immediately turned around and went home.
But there was no one in the house, and he left his key in the briefcase, and he couldn't get in, so he had to call his wife for help. When the wife hurried home, she knocked over the fruit stall on the side of the road, and the stall owner pulled her to ask for compensation, and she had to lose a sum of money to get rid of it. Castin, who finally got his briefcase, returned to the unit again, was already late, criticized by his superiors, and his mood was extremely bad. Before leaving work, I had a fight with my colleagues because of a small matter. The wife was also deducted from the month's attendance award due to early departure, and the son participated in a baseball game on this day, and was expected to win the championship, but because of the bad mood, he was eliminated in the first game.
In this small life, the broken watch is 10%, and the series of tragedies that follow is the other 90%.
It is because the parties did not recognize the first 10% well, which led to this day becoming a "troublesome day".
It can be seen that you can't control the previous 10%, but you can completely decide the remaining 90% through your own mentality and behavior.
This is a negative case, and I really feel sorry for the "troublesome day" of the Castin family.
A positive case, the short film In which The Hill encounters an even worse incident. Fortunately, he was not affected by 10% of the events, which belonged to 90% of his decision-making power. Faced with three big mountains that are not friendly enough, the small mountain eventually grows a towering tree through its own good attitude and positive behavior.
I once saw a sentence on the Internet: "If someone throws a stone at you, don't throw it back, and keep it as the cornerstone of your tall building." If you just get angry or throw it back, it is very likely that you will be hurt, so it is better to leave them and open up territory for yourself.
High IQ may not be successful; high inverse quotient can make our lives happy and frank.
1. Understand the contrarian quotient and use the lead tool to break out of the adversity
The book "Reverse Quotient" points out that the inverse quotient (aq) indicates the indicator of frustration tolerance, reflecting people's psychological state and resilience in the face of adversity and setbacks, and cognitive psychology, psychological neuroimmunology and neurophysiology are the three pillars of the scientific theoretical system of inverse quotient.
Contrarian quotient can influence our actions and even determine our destiny
Without contrarian quotient, a person will begin to shirk responsibility, and will lose control and the ability to take responsibility. As a result, feelings of helplessness increase and mobility decreases
Without reverse quotient, it's easy to fall into a hollow state of chicken blood. After a short period of spiritual support, he immediately returned to reality, without substantial change, and had no effect on solving the difficulties.
Without reverse quotient, people are prone to fall into a cycle of despair, helpless emotions can not be alleviated, evolving into a hopeless dead cycle can not be jumped out.
The lower the contrarian quotient, the easier it is to compromise with fate
Use the lead tool to improve the inverse quotient
l = listen, listen to your own adversity reactions
Only by seeing the storm can the damage be minimized.
Make yourself aware and train your ability to quickly perceive adversity. When the dilemma comes, we can use strange language to indicate that the dilemma is coming, and meditate in our hearts: "It is time to challenge ourselves again." At the same time, you can silently ask yourself if you have a sense of control over things? What else can I do about it...
Before adversity comes, ask yourself more and tell yourself that adversity is not a big deal, and it will not last long before it will naturally pass. By doing so, when adversity strikes, we develop a strong sense of it ourselves.
e= explore to explore your own responsibility for the outcome
Stop complaining, when we encounter difficulties, we can take the initiative to take responsibility and take responsibility for things. The moment we decide to take responsibility for the outcome, the sense of control over the event is immediately enhanced, greatly prompting us to take action. Things become more and more disciplined, breaking the original cycle of hopelessness to helplessness.
a = analyze, analyze the evidence
Ask yourself three questions and tell yourself that everything isn't as bad as you think
In the face of adversity, develop the ability to analyze evidence. Habitually ask yourself three questions: Is this situation out of control? What else will this affect? Will this difficulty last a long time?
When we finish asking these three questions, you will find that the answer to all three questions is: no! You will find that everything is not as bad as you think.
d=do, do something
Try asking yourself what else you can do to improve your sense of control over the current situation? What else can be done to limit the scope of the current predicament ... Try to list these questions on a piece of paper, then write down the answers you think solve the problem and take action.
2． Use "attribution theory" wisely to make correct self-evaluations
Some of the pain comes from the negative evaluation that we are not objective and neutral enough to judge ourselves, and often think that we are not good enough and not good enough, which can easily make people pessimistic. Learn to use "attribution theory" skillfully to improve self-awareness, that is, to evaluate yourself optimistically and objectively.
The attribution theory of bernard Weiner, a famous contemporary American educational psychologist, mainly has the following three arguments: Personality differences and success or failure experiences affect his attribution; A person's attribution of the previous achievement will affect his expectations, emotions and effort level for the next achievement; An individual's expectations, emotions, and level of effort have a large influence on achievement behavior.
Our interpretation of successes and failures can have a significant impact on later behavior.
With regard to education, I have seen a group of cases analyzing the mathematical performance of boys and girls. Teachers usually attribute boys' poor math grades to sloppiness and bad luck, so boys are unlikely to expect failure in their future grades. Because, such a temporary criticism as carelessness and sloppiness cannot have much impact on boys. Therefore, they believe that as long as they are careful in the future, their grades will improve. And girls' poor math scores are usually attributed to poor thinking logic, no talent, etc. This permanent evaluation can easily make girls feel that they are really stupid, have no hope and even have a pessimistic attitude. Then the results will get worse in the future.
These two different attributions, not only in education, but also have a significant impact on life. Whether it is attribution to us from outside others or to the attribution within ourselves, we must analyze and evaluate objective facts in multiple dimensions.
Weiner argues that an analysis of the causes of success or failure of behavior can be summarized into six reasons:
Ability, effort, difficulty of the task, luck, physical and mental state, other factors (such as help from others or unfair ratings, etc.).
The above six factors as the general person's explanation or category of success or failure attribution, Weiner according to the nature of each factor, respectively, into the control point (internal/ external), stability, controllability of the three dimensions (the combination of three dimensions and six factors see the table below)
Three-dimensional pattern diagram for attribution
Clever use of "attribution theory"
In real life, when we are evaluated by others, or when we begin to evaluate ourselves, we can take out the above six reasons and ask ourselves whether we are competent for the work, rather than easily denying our inability and reviewing whether we are doing our best in the process of work, rather than perfunctory? Is it because the difficulty of the task is beyond the scope of ability, rather than the fact that your ability is too poor? Can you also think about whether the success or failure of this incident is related to luck? Was it a failure caused by your own physical discomfort at the time? We can analyze from six aspects, layer by layer, rather than singlely determining that it is caused by our own poor ability. Avoid causing cognitive obscuration, attributing it to one's own inability, this one-sided self-denial with strong lethality.
Pick up discarded seeds again
3． Cultivate optimism and enhance a sense of self-control
Mentally, use "distraction" to stop the victim's thinking
When you're stuck, try to block your own negative reactions immediately. In the right place, you can tap the table while shouting the stop word. Use actions and words to separate negative thoughts and forcefully prevent the generation of negative thoughts. At the same time, you can let yourself solve some difficult problems, turn your attention to more difficult things, concentrate, and change the direction of your thinking.
Spiritually, use the "reshaping method" to start from the heart
Try again to correctly understand the adversity you are in, refocus on the goal, and remind yourself of what your original intention is.
Just like the hill in the short film, in the cold night rain, regain the seed that belongs to it.
Nietzsche once said that if a man knows what he lives for, he can endure all the suffering that life imposes on him.
The hill eventually welcomed its own towering tree
Even if something terrible happens in front of you, don't be afraid, this is only an objective factor of 10%, and the way things are handled in your hands is the real 90% decisive factor.
Decisively, it is our emotional attitudes toward things, cognitive thinking, and concrete actions to solve problems.
First, we understand the concept of inverse quotient and use the lead tool to improve inverse quotient. Second, use "attribution theory" skillfully to make correct self-evaluation. Finally, try to cultivate optimism and increase a sense of self-control.
Don't be arrogant and self-effacing, nor can you be arrogant, everyone has their own value, don't look down on yourself too much. Don't rush to deny yourself because of temporary adversity. Life is so long, there is always your own towering tree, waiting to blossom and bear fruit.