Ring Women take you on a round-the-world tour and don't miss every new thing for women
"I didn't call the police because he kept threatening to kill me and kill my whole family."
Recently, a reversal has triggered a hot discussion on the Internet.
May 9, Xi'an, Shaanxi. According to netizens, next to a silver BMW, a man punched and kicked a woman on the street and tried to stuff her into the trunk many times.
The woman cried out loud in resistance, but the man did not stop the violence until the whistleblower shouted and called the police.
After the video was exposed, it quickly attracted the attention of netizens, but the focus of attention quickly distorted the building. In the comments section, there is an endless stream of preconceived malicious remarks:
"This is the fate of the gold worshipper!" "Legendary sitting in a BMW and crying?" "Why didn't you call the police?" Surely I'm not a good thing either! ”
The "reversal" came so quickly. On May 12, the woman victim said in an interview that the BMW car appearing in the video was bought by herself.
As soon as the news came out, the doubters who had previously shouted "gold worshipper" were silenced.
Although the "reversal" is refreshing, it is also sad: regardless of the malice and deep-rooted social prejudice behind the "gold worship" hypothesis, women are still forced to prove their "innocence" after being hurt.
According to the information revealed by the woman, she was abused only because the man proposed to break up. This kind of public violence has happened four times, and no one has helped her call the police on the first three occasions.
Why didn't she call the police herself?
"Because he constantly threatened to kill me and kill my whole family."
Anyone who pays even the slightest attention to the news will know that the above cases are not unique at all, but a common phenomenon in incidents of gender-based violence.
Baidu entered the keywords "intimate relationship violence", "dangerous partner", "breakup threat", and the search results were shocking.
In 2008, a 35-year-old young man in Meizhou City proposed to break up with his girlfriend, and when his girlfriend's family was asleep late at night, he slashed and killed his girlfriend's entire family with a knife, resulting in the death of his girlfriend's father, his girlfriend's brother and sister were seriously injured, and his mother was slightly injured.
In 2013, Japanese police arrested a university finance clerk who repeatedly made threatening phone calls to his ex-girlfriend and sent more than 1,000 emails threatening to kill his entire family.
In 2019, a male student and his first love girlfriend in college proposed to break up after being poured sulfuric acid by the woman, and locked the door to prevent him from saving himself...
Among intimate partners, there are many vicious injuries in which one partner commits violence against the other.
However, many victims, because they are afraid of each other's threats or entangled in the complexity of the emotional level, usually do not call the police at the first time after the injury occurs; even if they report to the police, they often find it difficult to collect evidence, resulting in the final lack of evidence.
Beauty blogger @宇芽 exposed himself to domestic violence on Weibo
They have long suffered from both physical and mental torture, suffering so much that they cannot break free and are even life-threatening.
Yi Jialong, deputy chief physician of the Department of Clinical Psychology of Peking University Sixth Hospital, revealed in an interview with reporters:
Many of the patients with psychological disorders admitted to the clinic have experienced being violently injured by intimate partners. Among them, the perpetrators are mostly male, while the patients are mainly female. The perpetrator generally suffers from a variety of psychological symptoms, showing instability, impulsiveness, suspicion and other characteristics in interpersonal communication, and is prone to strong emotional ups and downs, such as rage, mania, loss, etc.
All of the above tells us that a partner with poor emotional control, suspicion, and control is very dangerous, and the impact of such intimate relationships on the weaker party can be extremely hurtful and devastating.
Back to the case at the beginning of the article, the man has repeatedly committed violence in public, the woman is in a society under the rule of law, but she is imprisoned in the shadow of threats and intimidation, unable to go to the sun and protect herself through legal means.
Photo: Guardianship
As ordinary people, most of us have the need to be accompanied, understood, loved, and yearn for joyful intimate relationships.
However, the fermentation of similar events has inevitably triggered a crisis of trust and gender antagonism in society.
Because the perpetrators are mostly men, many heterosexual girls have more and more intense "male fear" symptoms, summing up the self-preservation quote that "the potential cost and risk of falling in love is much higher than the benefits", oscillating between fear, anger and the desire for intimacy, on the one hand, yearning to enter a healthy emotional relationship, on the other hand, they are afraid of the "heavy traps" in this.
But the dangers of intimate relationships are not untraceable.
So, how do we identify dangerous partners, prevent and identify intimate violence, and enjoy the beauty of intimate relationships under the bottom line and premise of safety?
Intimate relationship murder is the most likely murder to be predicted and the most likely to be prevented.
According to the United Nations Office on Drugs and Crime, 58% of women known to have lost their lives as a result of homicides globally in 2017 were killed by their partners or family members.
In other words, if a woman is unfortunate enough to be killed, she has more than two-thirds of the probability of dying at the hands of someone most familiar. Of these, 82 per cent of all homicides arising from intimate relationships were women.
Dr Jane Moncton Smith, a former police officer and forensic criminologist at the University of Gloucester in the United Kingdom, has spent years researching hundreds of intimate partner murders, interviewing victims' families and public protection professionals, and laying out a "homicide timeline" for intimate partners who help identify potential offenders.
This murder schedule shows the eight stages that the murderer typically goes through from the first meeting, the beginning of an intimate relationship, and the final murder, and is accompanied by the usual behaviors and performances of the murderer at each stage.
In order to facilitate everyone's understanding, we selected the story of a lady surnamed Feng in Mianyang, Sichuan Province, to illustrate that she encountered intimate relationship violence from her ex-boyfriend Wang Mou.
1. Before the intimacy begins
Almost all perpetrators have a history of high-pressure control, stalking, or domestic violence. It should be noted that these histories may not leave a case, but only from the allegations of the predecessor. (Ms. Feng and Wang met online, before Wang had an unhappy marriage, the specific reason for the breakdown of the marriage is unknown)
2. Early intimacy
Potentially dangerous intimate relationships tend to heat up quickly, almost twice as fast as other normal relationships. They may start cohabiting too early, or quickly establish a relationship. (Not long after the two met offline, they established a romantic relationship)
3. Periods of intimacy
The relationship is rife with high-pressure control, stalking, and violence, and one partner's freedom may be limited in some ways, such as not being allowed to go out at will, not being allowed to choose what to wear, being forced to cut ties with family, and so on. (Wang Mou is irritable and irritable, and when he finds that Ms. Feng is in contact with other men or his family, he is slightly insulted and beaten)
4. Detonation period
When the abuser feels threatened with their own control over their intimate relationships or the victim (usually because of a breakup or separation), the danger begins to really rise. (In January of the following year, Ms. Feng and Wang, who could not bear it, proposed to break up)
5. Period of escalation of violence
When the abuser thinks they are losing control, they will find ways to regain "control," so the controlling behavior in the third stage will become more frequent or more severe. (Wang Mou stalked Ms. Feng, changed more than ten mobile phone numbers, and intimidated and harassed Ms. Feng's family and colleagues)
Wang harassed and intimidated Ms. Feng by text message
6. Decision points
This is a stage that is difficult to observe.
But that's when the abuser makes a choice about how they'll handle the loss of control. Sometimes they choose to enter a new relationship and continue to hurt the next victim. Sometimes if the victim chooses to compound, they return to the third stage. But in some cases, they will make the decision to kill at this time. (Ms. Feng did not agree to the compound)
7. Murder schemes
After the perpetrator decides to kill, they will make a series of planned moves, such as going out to buy a murder weapon, digging a pit for burying the body, creating the illusion that the victim himself is missing, or searching the Internet for a method of killing. (In August of that year, Wang Tangled with several social idlers and threatened Ms. Feng's parents in person, saying that he would continue to associate with them))
8. Murder committed
Perpetrators may use a variety of methods to kill victims, the vast majority of which are extremely violent, which also reflects the level of anger of the perpetrators. (Fortunately, in this case, Wang ultimately failed to commit a crime.) After Ms. Feng called the police, the police summoned Wang to the police station, and Wang was punished by the public security organ for 15 days of detention for suspected picking quarrels and provoking trouble)
Nowadays, as more and more people begin to realize the specificity and severity of intimate violence. The search for solutions should no longer be limited to self-reflection within individuals and relationships, but should also be projected on the social level and solved problems together with the help of social forces.
In daily life, once we identify a dangerous partner, we must immediately find a way to get out strategically. If you have been harmed, try to gather evidence and seek help from the police and doctors in a safe situation.
May all girls not be subject to intimidation and violence.
p.s. The views expressed in this article are solely those of the contributing authors, and some of the sources are from the Network.
https://news.sina.cn/gj/2018-11-30/detail-ihpevhcm5345548.d.html?vt=4&pos=9&cid=56262
http://blog.sina.com.cn/s/blog_9b1eab690102x2z8.html
http://www.xinhuanet.com/legal/2019-11/28/c_1125282677.htm
https://zh.amnesty.org/more-resources/blog/2019-annual-report-usa/
Pay attention to women around the world, pay attention to her differently.