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Is your kinship strong?
Do you often suffer from family relationships?
Movie "Journey to Heaven":
As a young man, Frank took care of the living quarters of his four children like his wife until retirement.
Unfortunately, after reaching a certain age, his wife died, and the lonely old man became more vulnerable. However, the four children seemed to be deliberately keeping their distance from him and were not very enthusiastic about his arrival.
Instead, Frank discovers that the four children have deceived him to some degree, and that they have not lived the kind of happy life that completely reassures him.
At the end of the film, when Frank is seriously ill in bed, the children come.
1. The child's perspective of family affection
From the film, it is not difficult to find that the children's affection has gradually faded with the change of time.
The four children, all of whom were treasures in Frank's palms when they were young, did not abandon each other and lived together, but after the four children grew up, they all chose to distance themselves and hide their difficulties in life to a certain extent.
This is largely due to the fact that in the eyes of children, their relationship with their father is no longer as close as it used to be.
2. Father's affection
The father's affection is naturally self-evident and has not changed with the passage of time.
In Frank's view, even if all four children have established a family and have their own families, the father will see them every day, share the troubles of life for them, walk with them on the road of life, and continue to give them the same parental care as they did decades ago.
Although the four children have grown up, in Frank's seriousness, the affection between the two sides is still as close as it was decades ago.
3. The estrangement dilemma encountered in the family relationship in the film
The most striking point in the film is that Frank's affectionate love for his children is only deliberately distanced and concealed by the children.
Frank's visit to the house encounters the children's indifference, Frank's desire to understand the children's current situation is hidden by the children, and Frank wants to help the children, but is rejected.
This is sad, from childhood to adulthood, why did the family relationship become like this?
This will be the focus of this issue next.
1, time is the biggest killer
There is a poem that goes like this: Time will be pale.
Yes, time will not only pale itself, but also make the family relationship pale and weak.
All family relationships that are in trouble can be attributed to the question of time.
Over time, a family family's affection is more likely to fade.
Nothing is more beautiful than the city of Baghdad, and nothing is more trustworthy than a mother. — Iraqi proverb
Because when a child is a child, he must rely on his parents for all reasons and be inseparable from his parents, but with the passage of time, his thoughts and abilities have been greatly filled, and gradually his wings have hardened, to the point where he can get rid of solving things with his parents.
This sense of independence and self-sufficiency in the hearts of children will be strengthened with the passage of time, and the longer the children, the greater the children will be, the more ability and experience they will accumulate, and naturally they will not want their parents to worry about themselves anymore, thus occupying the intimate and intimate family space in the past.
2. The influence of spatial distance
Taking on the time problem, the next variable caused by the time problem is the change in the spatial distance between the two parties of the family relationship.
As children grow up and become less dependent on their parents, they will gradually move out of the house to live on their own, either alone or with loved ones.
This is the eternal law of truth of the whole society from ancient times to the present, and no one can escape such a law, except for those who nibble on the old people.
Because the spatial distance between the child and the parents is estranged because of the moving matter, just like the long-distance relationship, the two parties who cannot often meet each other are easy to produce a gap in emotional communication or even a big pit, without the spark collision of these daily emotional exchanges, it is easy to produce contradictions and differences that are difficult to understand, and it is difficult to maintain the inseparable family relationship in the past so well.
3. New kinship involvement
As children grow up and leave home, new affection is bound to emerge.
This is the child's child, the child's lover.
A Lieutenant General of the United States once said: International forces are always fighting and moving, and when one enemy falls, another enemy will take its place.
Of course, this is not to say that the relationship between family relations is hostile, but only a comparative description.
In the children's family relationship, there will be more others, and even we can say that in the original family relationship, there will be more family relationship intervention.
People only have so much energy in their lives, it is impossible to give all their energy to one of the family relationships, and it is necessary to make a certain allocation in different family relationships, or even choose.
Of course, for children, their parents are already in the past tense, and their children are more of their living heads, and they will naturally invest more energy to maintain a new family relationship.
Note that if the family relationship is not easy to say in terms of the total amount, it will not be weakened, but this article emphasizes a certain stage, then a family relationship in a certain stage is likely to fade.
We analyze a couple and their children as a family whole.
1. Connect the other side of family affection
1) Build a bridge between family affection
If father and son do not believe, the family is not harmonious. —— Wu Zetian
The bridge of affection here refers to a kind of family bond, and the transport is a kind of communication and trust between family affection.
Without such a bridge to build, relatives simply can not have the opportunity to contact and communicate, and there is no platform for contact and exchange of feelings, then the affection between the two sides may only become weaker and weaker with the passage of time.
Therefore, it is quite important to build a bridge of family affection and try to open up the channels of family communication, and family affection cannot but be contacted.
2) Don't "destroy" on the bridge of family affection
In the process of family ties, a series of problems will inevitably arise.
Just as two countries trade on a bridge on a border, it is natural that business conflicts arise because of their different currency and cultural differences.
We must remain calm in the face of contradictions and differences in the relationship of affection, try not to directly conflict with our relatives, let alone save face for the other party, resulting in a stalemate in the relationship between the two sides, which is a huge and immeasurable loss of destruction and destruction of the relationship between the two sides.
3) Reduce the bridge distance as much as possible
How can bridges shrink?
Yes, it is possible in the world of affection, and the important thing is the way in which family affection is connected.
Here, the most important thing is to organize common collective activities between relatives.
The collective activities here are as far as possible outdoor activities, rather than daily dinners between relatives, and at the dinner table, it is likely that they will directly quarrel because of a small irreconcilable contradiction and the differences in the three views of the two sides.
Therefore, outdoor activities are the best way, outdoor activities can make relatives produce more synergy and tacit understanding, and the nerves will be more excited, thus stimulating each other's mood.
2. Balance life on both sides of the strait
1) Respect the privacy between relatives
The privacy between relatives is also as non-voyeuristic as the commercial secrets on both sides of the bridge.
Relatives should not keep each other at all because they are affectionate, and tell each other all their unspeakable secrets.
Leaving a little room for each other to be independent and respecting each other's privacy is an important means.
2) Dare to point out the mistakes of relatives
Relatives who inherit the above should not be deadlocked between each other, and the mistakes between relatives also need to be pointed out by you.
However, such a mistake requires you to use interpersonal thinking.
Don't think that relatives shouldn't point out mistakes, and don't think that relatives don't need euphemistic ways of communicating and exhorting.
3) Do not communicate too frequently between the two sides of the strait
Over time, many members of a family relationship may have formed their own families and have their own new family relationships to cultivate.
Therefore, as relatives, it is more important to understand each other, do not always use the family relationship as a token to order the relatives to help you to the letter, and do not always have the family relationship to trouble others.
In summary, the reasons for the estrangement of kinship are mainly due to the passage of time, as well as the interventional effects of spatial distance and new kinship relationships.
We must maintain the family affection at hand and connect the other side of the family affection, but we also need to balance the family relationship to a certain extent.
Family relationships in modern society show a trend of fading, and time is the biggest reason and the most unchangeable factor.
What we can change is to actively be the messenger of family exchanges, know how to contact family affection more, and do not hurt family affection.
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