Does love need to be learned?

Reading Fromm's book The Art of Love, I thought of an interesting and very important topic - does love need to be learned?

The various activities in people's lives are directly or indirectly related to this topic. It may not be difficult to recognize the importance of love, but what is more frightening is that many people think that love is an innate ability of people and does not need to be learned. This is not the case, and Fromm, in his The Art of Love, points to three reasons for this idea.

First, love and be loved. Fromm believes that when many people think about love, the first thing they think about is whether they can be loved by others. For them to be loved and worthy of love is the key to love. In order to be loved, boys usually seek fame and fortune within the scope of social permission; women try to maintain a good figure and a good face to make themselves more attractive. The common approach adopted by men and women is to make themselves polite, funny, helpful, modest and cautious. to win friends and exert influence on others. In Fromm's view, this is nothing more than a mixture of two tendencies to win hearts and attract people to the opposite sex.

Second, love and object. Another reason to think that love is unlearnable is that people think that the problem of love is an object problem, not a problem of ability. They think that love is very simple, and the difficulty lies in finding the object of love or being loved.

Third, fall in love and enduring love. Falling in love and enduring love, in English fallinginlove and beinginlove, show a clearer difference between the two. Falling in love, or fallinginlove, refers to when both men and women tear down the high wall that separates them from each other, promise each other, and become one. The moment they are combined, they become the happiest and most exciting experience, and they are in love. This, in Fromm's view, sees this intoxicating, crazy love as a manifestation of intense love, but in fact it only proves how lonely these men and women used to be! These are three understandings that from Fromm argue that love doesn't need to be learned. Love is not an instinct that does not need to be learned, and the importance of love is worthy of serious study.

Confucianism says, "The way of a gentleman is to create a husband and wife." "The two first people God created, Adam and Eve, were also husband and wife. Therefore, husband and wife are the most basic forms of all human relations, and love is the core of all human relationships. All human relationships are based on an understanding of love, so to discuss love is to discuss our human mode of existence and the most authentic state of relationship between people. For example, if one advocates, "Brothers are like siblings, and women are like clothes." "If he or she sees the other half he spends his day and night with as a random change of clothes, can you expect him (or her) to be loyal and patriotic and to care for others?" Seeing brothers as siblings has also become an empty phrase.

Henan Yangxia Psychological Studio Zhao Qingwei