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Dong Qing once mentioned in an interview that he was particularly uncomfortable growing up:
"For a long time I felt like I shouldn't have something beautiful. Clothes only look at discounts, for a long time do not know what style they are suitable for; eat as long as you can eat, the restaurant environment does not matter; the things at home only pursue useful, with broken to throw away."
This "unworthy of having a good" mentality may be a sense of scarcity that parents write to their children's subconscious. And children who are full of a sense of lack in their hearts will not be relaxed in their lives.
Recently, I re-brushed the Indian movie "Mysterious Superstar", which mainly tells the story of a 14-year-old Indian girl Yin Xiya chasing freedom and dreams.
Movie "Mysterious Superstar"
In the film, the mother of a 14-year-old girl, Yin Xiya, is a mother who struggles on the poverty line, and Yin Xiya's father is an engineer and the breadwinner of the whole family. He had always looked down on his uncultured mother and never recognized the status of women.
Living under the pressure of her husband, she was about to be beaten by her husband at every turn, and it was such a mother who bought a guitar for her daughter with the money she stole from her husband when Yin Xiya was 6 years old, and later sold the only gold necklace, bought a computer for her daughter, and encouraged her daughter to wear a blouse to record videos.
She tried her best to meet her daughter's musical needs, not only creating the soil for the growth of dreams, but also curbing Yinsia's "sense of lack" in time.
Even if the material is scarce, why should the poor family be forced to accept poor support?
This wise mother not only gave her daughter every decisive moment of love, but also created an incomparably full heart for her daughter. This feeling of being loved and full will help children grow up to overcome another powerful enemy – the feeling of scarcity.
Later, Yin Xiya really did it, she not only realized her musical dream, but also led her family to a new life.
There is a term in psychology called the "scarcity mentality" that was proposed by Harvard University economics professor Sedhill Mullenathon.
He found that people who have been in a state of scarcity for a long time will be slowly changed by the environment and gradually form a scarcity mentality. That is, "the more you lack something, the more you care about something."
Many people can't get rid of the dilemma of no money, and the key to the problem is not poverty, but mentality. Even if they get a lot of money, their hearts are still full of "lack". Inner lack is the psychological reason why many people are insecure, and many problems have taken root at an early age.
For example, many parents we often hear in life say extremely frustrated things to their children:
Where did we buy it;
Where can we afford to eat;
How can we compare with their family;
You shouldn't want this stuff, knowing how much it costs your parents?
……
They are like a sharp sword, so that children dare not make their own demands, stifling children's expectations of the future, imprisoning them in front of the porridge and rice.
If parents cry "poor" and "calculating" in front of their children, it is a particularly negative family education.
Parents teach their children to be diligent and thrifty, and it is not wrong not to waste extravagantly, but if the force is too strong, this crying poor education will be counterproductive, so that the child will really become "poor" when he grows up.
So, don't be poor parents. Parents who are rich in their hearts never let their children feel full of lack.
<h1 class = "pgc-h-arrow-right" >1. True enrichment is the flow of inner abundance, which is to make children feel love and guidance</h1>
The key to being rich or poor lies in the feelings of the soul, and the influence of the family is very important. Attaching importance to spiritual enrichment is conducive to cultivating children's good psychological quality and sense of security, and cultivating children's good psychological quality.
Child education expert Paul Tuch mentions in The Power of Character:
"What matters as children grow up is not how much information we instill in their brains in the first few years of their birth, but whether we can help them form valuable qualities such as concentration, self-control, curiosity, responsibility and self-confidence."
These qualities are commonly known as character or character, which psychologists call psychological qualities.
Movie "Little Women"
In the movie "Little Women": the most emotional is the mother of the four girls. From beginning to end, it is all affirmation and praise for the children! When children are young, enjoy pampering; when children grow up, they are willing to let go and encourage them to chase their own lives.
Like what:
Before bidding farewell to Meg and her fiancé, the mother said: Girls just want to meet the world in order to decide what kind of life they want to live;
When Amy travels to Europe, her mother is really happy for her;
At the time of Joe's saddest loss, his mother said, you should not be trapped here, go to the big city...
Material deprivation should not become spiritual deprivation. True enrichment is the flow of abundance in the heart, which is to make children feel love and guidance.
In addition, in order to improve the understanding of the meaning of work by the four children, the mother conducted a trial with her four daughters.
She asked the children to herd sheep en masse, pick up what they liked to do, don't do the work, and spend a week seeing how it turned out. At first, the four daughters rejoiced, but eating and drinking all day long soon left them mentally depressed.
In this way, the mother guides the children to realize the meaning of work, so that they understand that only by working hard to create can they make life meaningful.
"I want you to understand that the comfort of everyone depends on everyone doing his or her job faithfully. When Hannah and I work for you, you're not living well, but you're not necessarily happy and harmonious. ”
This kind of praise for work is very admirable.
After a hard day, Mrs. March will also patiently listen to the children's voices, share beautiful stories with the children, encourage the children's interests and life choices, and cultivate the children's reading habits.
In the eyes of the children, Mrs. March is not only a mother, but also a close friend of theirs.
It is true that on a material basis, the March family is already very poor, they have no money, no social status, and even the father in the family has no way to witness the growth of the children, but the laughter in the family is never less than others, which is absolutely inseparable from their noble hearts, in the final analysis, it still stems from a family that is always full of love and hope. In the end, the four sisters became beloved little women.
The famous psychologist Jung said:
"A man's life's work is to integrate the character he has formed since childhood."
Childhood experience determines the direction of a person's life, how do we grasp the child's childhood? What can a child do and leave behind in his childhood?
Although your parents are not rich and noble, we will do everything they can to make you live a carefree life. Adults will solve the difficulties of adults, you just need to be happy to do what you like and become the person you want to be.
This is the best love, and it is also the best education.
<h1 class = "pgc-h-arrow-right" >2. Parents with patterns will never show off their wealth, let alone "cry poor"</h1>
The Liang family is praised by the world. Liang Qichao, Liang Qichao, is a well-known figure in modern Chinese history.
Liang Qichao's children
Liang's godsons are fang, 9 children and 3 academicians, and all of them are excellent, all of whom are national pillars. Liang Qichao pays special attention to the tempering of his children's personality and the forging of his will, and does not lose his ambition and change his happiness in the face of adversity. There was a good story of "three academicians in one door, full of talents".
In addition to guiding the child's outlook on life and world view, Liang Qichao also uses his own words and deeds to convey the correct concept of money to the child.
He told the child that the Liang family was born in the style of the Han family, and whether they lived in wealth or poverty, they must guard the cold door family style, but he repeatedly told the child:
The cold door family style is not the same as shabby; you can't lose your body because of frugality, and you should spend the money for studying, traveling, and increasing your knowledge.
He taught his children not to lose their dignity and personality for money, saying:
"Don't see the hunter's heart, my family will not be able to enjoy sweatless money in the end."
In Seeing Words Like Faces, he argues that children should not pursue material pleasures too much.
In order to cultivate children's perseverance and will, he never spoiled his children, asked them to be hard and simple, and encouraged them to hone their character in adversity.
Liang Qichao
He warned his children that happiness has nothing to do with the amount of money, not to attach too much importance to wealth, and not to lose their ambition in different living environments brought about by wealth or wealth:
"A person's material enjoyment is sufficient as long as he can sustain life. As for whether it is happy or not, it is not materially controllable. To be able to seek happiness in hardship is really going to plan for a mile. ”
After the Republic of China, although Liang Qichao served as a government official, the economic pressure of living pressure and the cost of his children's studies was not easy.
It can be said that there are comfortable days and difficult days, but he tells the child with his own actions:
When you are rich and noble, it is the right way to always have a cautious heart; when you are poor, you need to be humble and have a bright heart.
Establish a correct view of money for children, so that children can have a higher pattern and see a farther landscape.
Next time, when your child wants to buy something, please don't tell your child that it's expensive and we can't afford it.
Instead, tell the child: We have a budget every month, and now we are over budget, so we can only buy it next time. If the child buys something that is unreasonable, it can show understanding and sympathy, explain the reason why it cannot be purchased, and gently and firmly refuse.
Next time, when your child spends money haphazardly, don't stress over and over again how hard you work to make money.
Take your child to experience their own work, so that children can personally experience that it is not easy to make money at once, but it is more intuitive and effective.
Parents who love their children will do a lot of things. The higher the parent's pattern, the farther the child will go.
<h1 class = "pgc-h-arrow-right" >3. Parents' words and deeds trump everything</h1> else
Education master Ye Shengtao said:
"Teaching by example is the most precious, and knowledge is inseparable."
Silent body language is often better than audio education, and the good qualities of children are cultivated and inseparable from parents.
Mr. Yang Dai
Mr. Yang Dai, who has lived for 105 years, said this when talking about his children's education:
"My children have no inheritance, I only teach them to be able to stand on their own feet."
Yang Dai's father, Yang Yinhang, was open-minded, and at a young age, he advocated self-sufficiency to Yang Dai, and could not get something for nothing, which undoubtedly had a huge impact on Yang Dai's spiritual shaping.
Yang Yinhang
He believes that only by reading more books and reading more good books can we give children a full heart and a wise mind. Under the teachings of her father, Yang Dai has always been familiar with reading books, indifferent to fame and fortune, and eventually became a generation of people.
Only by being well-versed in morality, sober and wise, can we achieve true inner prosperity. These precious qualities can allow them to be fearless no matter what situation they face, and have the ability to fight back.
In the face of some choices in life, Yang Yinhang told her that what she likes is the closest and most suitable for sex.
He gave her freedom and tolerance, and he also asked her to be self-reliant, so that she could take responsibility for her own life and have the right to say no.
The cycle of time, the deep water and the still flow, I have to say that these precious qualities have fulfilled Mr. Yang's wisdom in the world, no matter how difficult the period, she is fearless and elegant for a lifetime.
Liu Jia, dean of the School of Psychology at Beijing Normal University, mentioned in his "30 Lectures on the Basics of Psychology" that his laboratory once did such an experiment, and they divided the subjects into four categories according to their family income and students' self-esteem:
The first type of students come from wealthy families with high self-esteem; the second type of students come from wealthy families with low self-esteem; the third type of students come from poor families with high self-esteem; and the fourth type of students come from poor families with low self-esteem.
Psychologists then scanned the structure of the students' brains, especially the hippocampus in the brain, which is responsible for learning, memory, stress management, and other functions. The experimental results showed that although the average hippocampal volume of students from poor families was significantly smaller than that of those from wealthy families, there was no significant difference between the average hippocampal volume of students from the third category of students from poor families with high self-esteem and the first group of students with high self-esteem from wealthy families.
Material abundance can never reduce a child's sense of spiritual deprivation, and helping a child build high self-esteem will allow him to harvest a full heart and a rich spiritual world under any material conditions, so as to support them to achieve greater goals in adulthood.
Material scarcity may cause spiritual deprivation, and eventually may cause children to lack autonomy, lack of self-confidence and vitality, and often have a sense of lack in their hearts. But the inner feeling of lack is not due to the poverty of life, a child who can still maintain a happy and rich heart in a poor environment can become very outstanding.
Therefore, in order to let children learn to be frugal, but it seems that they have never thought that children who have been instilled with a sense of poverty from an early age will live in scarcity all their lives, because poverty is not a situation, but a feeling, and this feeling affects a lifetime.
When children express a strong interest in things they have never experienced, even if we cannot meet their needs at this moment, we must take care of their fascinating hearts, and it is those small or large wishes that inadvertently broaden the breadth of the child's life and thus grow better.