Twenty pages after "Incense"

All day, I was wandering in short inches. Sit down, stand up, just to work hard. The panic is already fine, but it is sharp and has no edges. Hesitation is not necessarily a brown smoke filled with gun smoke that cannot be caught. If you want to push yourself to calm down, find something to do, pick up paper and pencil, the river in your ears is rattling, and the water on the paper is a long and slow steaming, completely unnecessary flow, which is unbearable. Looking at the black dot on the wall like a worm, it was moving, in ferocity, I used the newspaper to slap, is the mottle of the early years.

I actually hoped that it would be dark, the day was too slow, and it would take the day to go through the night, which had to be admitted. I was going to tell him the reason why I couldn't get close to him, and I decided, to tell him myself, and let him say: Okay.

The road outside the gate is the one I saw at the window, the office building is rectangular in the direction of the road, the gate is in the yard facing east, the road is a large vegetable field of the farm, straight down is a river, to the west of the town there is a bridge, the river and the road on the bridge they go separately, leading to the city, Dongyuan City.

Seeing him standing in the shadows, we didn't even say a word and went straight to a small road in the middle of the vegetable field that was neither wide nor narrow. We can't be together, and when I start talking to him really, I'll say this bluntly, your reputation for fighting, and... I know what you mean, he was silent for a while and said, I first thought of you before doing that kind of thing, consider your ideas, I listen to you, learn well, just learn well, in addition to not thinking about anything, don't do it, I have thought about it, next year to become a soldier, I have already decided when I was fifteen years old, you also know that our family lives in the compound, my mother said not to let me go, it is too hard to see those people training.

He answered me so many words, it had been a long time since he was still answering me, and the gestures in the shadows, the oath, the raised right hand, after putting it down, his words were also conclusive, he stood facing me, the eyes of the night did not have to look carefully, they were already vivid in my sight. I was sluggish, covered my mouth with my hand in the dark, did not say no, and ran to another thought, which was a mysterious thing, that is, a man's hand, it was hot, and I was shy in a trance. He suddenly asked if I liked him? There was no answer, I did not answer this sentence at the time, and I did not have to answer it later, and then I did not have to answer it at all.

He said he was relieved to see me enter the gate, and he said he was still waiting for me here that night.

Answering him was difficult at that time, but not confrontation, and not necessarily rejection. Just as the usual impossible has become a reality, I am still insisting that I can't go on, making sure that he is not my dead hearted person why should I promise him. As he went deeper and deeper, he also asked him to continue to look for me, and the more we talked, the longer and longer we became, the more they resembled true words. This is me: brown hesitation.

Back at the door of the dormitory, I met Susu, who worked in the General Affairs Department, and she was in love with a fitter. She usually had to be accompanied by someone at night to dare to come out, and now alone, I told her to come back early. It is equal to white, she always comes back after the early morning, and she has to touch this face and the chest of that one happily. Everyone asked her why she wasn't afraid of ghosts? Why come back so late? What are they doing? She giggled. She said that she had tried no ghosts, she said that she did not feel late, and she was saying what should be said, that is, she did not want to be separated for a minute.

This night I was full of that person's oath, not the oath itself, that attitude. He's moving in the direction I imagined, I can do it, I can change him, I can dominate his life. After he said listen to me, like a child, it was so good, just on the path in the earth, as gentle as a sheep. I promise to keep him going well, it will be ok.

I don't know what time it is, but it seems that I haven't finished thinking about it when I see the dawn. I'm going to change a person, believing that I have such power, or I will ignore him. We must also pull him to get rid of the problem of idleness and laziness, and make him diligent. If I ask him to do all of this, then I will... Still worried, I was sad, not the one who really wanted to fight for myself.

Ten thousand reasons to believe his words, ten thousand reasons to give yourself the confidence to see him. We went to the river of the path and talked about the so-called letter in the house, and he said that he had come up with it after he wanted to break his head, and although it meant to fool, it was feasible, but it did not succeed. He said, said, and he hummed casually, without tuning. He seemed to be able to talk about anything, and the whole night was a topic, and the people who listened to it were relishing it, and they all thought that there was not enough, and the time was up. The night was too short, he said, and suddenly took my hand, clenched it tightly, did not let go, pulled it to his side, and then uttered the word of love, the words of deep love for me. I only feel cold, heat will not shake, I am trembling, difficult to control, only after a long time, silent, only slightly warmed up. The wind in the summer is like a mozzie, and at night the wind lingers on people's bodies.

One summer, I watched the flashlight drawn in circles on the side of the road outside the window, and I ran down and walked to the path, watching the cabbage grow up, and when it was round, it disappeared, and the yellow leaves were blown away by the autumn wind, and the earth was bare, and there was silver frost, and winter came.

to be continued

2021.11.2