Heard a story:
The ancient Greek philosopher Socrates was very good at oratory, and many young people came to him for advice. One day, a young man came to ask for advice, and when the young man introduced himself, in order to express himself, he talked loudly and talked in front of Socrates about how important the speech was. Socrates waited for him to finish and asked him for twice the tuition. The youth was puzzled and asked why. Socrates replied, "For in addition to teaching you to speak, I am also going to teach you how to shut up." "It is true that everyone has a mouth, and being able to speak does not mean that they can speak; saying more does not mean that they are right; many times, the mouth is full of foam, not as good as the timely silence. As Hemingway said, "It takes two years for man to learn to speak, but he has to learn to shut up for the rest of his life." "Being able to speak is a skill; knowing how to be silent at the right time and keeping one's mouth shut is a kind of cultivation, and it is also the most difficult practice in a person's life."
Don't ask
Many people like to watch "Readers" because of Dong Qing. There was such a clip in the show that made people remember: Xu Jinglei has always given people the impression of being calm and elegant, but in "Readers", when she read that "a person died on the ground, there is another star in the sky", but she unexpectedly cried. It turned out that she had grown up with her grandmother since she was a child and had a very deep affection for her grandmother. From the day of her grandmother's death, she lost her soul for a while, and she fell down, and it took a long time to ease up. After many years, when that sentence evoked her memories of her grandmother, tears burst and rushed out. As the host of Dong Qing, if you ask questions at this time and dig deeper into more behind the story, you can add more effects to the program. But Dong Qing did not. Because you understand, you are compassionate. Everyone has some secrets hidden deep inside, some relatively heavy past events, do not want others to know, do not want to be asked to the bottom, many times, the same thing, for some people, may have been light, but for some people, it is still a terrifying wave. If you only care about satisfying your own curiosity, and go to poke at the sadness of others and uncover the scars of others, it is a kind of indifference and a cruelty. As Zhang Ailing said: "If you know my past, then you will understand my present." "Life is not easy, if you have not experienced the suffering of others, do not understand the truth of life behind others, then you must know how to control your mouth, do not ask, is a kind of respect for others' upbringing; maintain a timely silence, patient listening, often more healing effect."
Know people, don't judge people
The ancients said: "Meditation is often thought of oneself, and there is no right or wrong in small talk." "In life, there are always some people who love to expose people's shortcomings and embarrassment in person; they love to gossip behind their backs, make comments at will, and advertise themselves as straightforward. As everyone knows, why I am not welcomed and respected everywhere I go, because no one wants to go near a stinky mouth. There is a big mother in my hometown who likes to show good things everywhere and loves to worry about others. Not long ago, a girl fell in love, and after the aunt heard about it, she felt that the other boy was not worthy of her. For a moment the boy did not look good; a moment he said that the boy was not clever enough; a moment he said that the family conditions were not enough to be right; later, the girl was overwhelmed, and went in and out like a plague god to hide from her mother, and never spoke to her again. Emotional things, such as people drinking cold and warm self-knowledge. Hoping that the other person is doing well is not a bad thing in itself; but it is often greater kindness to hold back the hand of interfering in the lives of others and to control your own casual comments. Wang Xiaobo once said: "Mouth foam splashing, making a big value judgment on others, the level is very low." "The world is big, there is never a shortage of people who express opinions, what is missing is not to evaluate the kindness and cultivation of others. People love to expose shorts before, and gossip after people, not only lose the basic courtesy in interpersonal communication, but also lose their own minds and qualities. Cultivated people can see the world with an inclusive mind, do not impose their own subjective ideas on others, and do not use their own spit to measure the lives of others. Knowing people and not judging people is a restraint when interacting with people, a self-discipline, and it is real maturity.
See through, don't say broken
A good philosophy of life pays attention to a "sense of proportion". Work and study should be very energetic, eat seven points full, and leave three points of leeway for the way of speaking. So-called: "Everything is insightful and learned, and the cultivation of human feelings is an article." "Speaking with room and proportions is not smooth and sophisticated, but interacting with people, respecting others, taking into account the feelings of others, and making each other comfortable with the wisdom of the world." A generation of masters Zhang Taiyan had encountered financial trouble, and was forced to pull down his face and ask Du Yuesheng for help. Du Yuesheng personally sneaked to Suzhou, and after some innocuous greetings, he folded a money ticket and pressed it under the tea bowl, taking care of Zhang Taiyan's face. Du Yuesheng saw Zhang Taiyan's dilemma, but when he gave a helping hand, he took care of the other party's face, so that the other party had no sense of charity, more comfortable, and it was easier to win people's hearts. To see through is wisdom; not to say thoroughly, is to be mindful. Behind the broken, not only control their own mouths, but also leave a decent face for each other, this just the right sense of proportion is the embodiment of life experience and cultivation.