Goodbye, someday.

Wen Luming

When I was a child, my parents quarreled. You don't make a sound, you run away from home with your doll in your arms. Don't go far, just crouch in the corner downstairs. You know, in a moment they find out you're gone and must be in a hurry to find you. When they came home, they were all happy and forgot all about the quarrel.

In the second year of junior high school, they divorced. You silently returned to the room, closed your eyes, and slashed a knife in your wrist. Mom screamed and rushed in, and Dad picked you up and took you to the hospital. You watch them register, pay, ask for a doctor, and turn around in a hurry, and it is a look of love. You're secretly proud of your little conspiracy. Seven stitches were stitched on the wrist. Mom is lying on your bedside and crying, Shanshan is sorry, it's all mom is not good. You would like to tell your mother that my mother is not crying, in fact, I am not in pain at all.

After the college entrance examination, you were admitted to a university in Beijing as you wished. Dad sent you, and the two of them took the train all night and found the school. When I arrived at the dormitory, my father was busy with large bags and small bags, cleaning inside and out, climbing up and down to put on mosquito nets, running in and out to open the water, busy sweating. But he won't let you do anything, only sit on the side and bite the apple and chat with your new roommate. Daddy is leaving, and you take him to the bus stop. You look at his skinny back, squeezing hard into the car. The car door closes, you wave and laugh, laugh, and finally can't help it, crying like a child. The car slowly left, and you saw Dad slamming the car door hard, opening his mouth and shouting something. But you can't hear anything, and tears confuse your eyes.

In your sophomore year, you and your boyfriend went on a trip to Yunnan. 44 hours of hard seats, eat instant noodles all the way. You have a fever and your boyfriend goes to the food truck and buys a porridge and feeds you. You feel very happy. When you get off the train and you call them, Dad jumps like a thunderbolt and growls and shakes the phone. Then your mother told you that your father was crying. He choked and said, Shanshan is so big, I am not willing to let her suffer so much. The next day, there was an extra ten thousand dollars on the bank card. Dad's phone call came, he did not kill you again, just told you to eat well, live well, pay attention to safety, and come back to take the plane.

You are a recognized lady, polite and soft-spoken. Only Mom and Dad know what's going on with your lady. As soon as you get home from vacation, you become a princess with a bad temper. No big or small, falling east and west, sleeping until noon, meals have to be brought to bed, underwear are washed by your mother, it is rare to brush a bowl and mutter. Several times, Dad couldn't help but want to say you, Mom advised him, forget it, Shanshan studied hard, go home and let her enjoy more blessings.

After graduation, you win a chance to study abroad. Mom and Dad take you to the airport, and you smile and wave your hand and turn away. You're no longer the little girl who cries. After studying abroad for three years, you didn't go home. Save on your return air tickets, and you can also work to earn a sum of money. The first Chinese New Year's Eve who was out alone, you told them on the phone that you were fine, don't worry, hang up the phone and go to work. There were a lot of Chinese in the restaurant that day. They eat and drink, laugh out loud, and no one knows you're brushing a mountain of plates in the kitchen. It was late at night to send off the last batch of guests. You walk on the cobblestone road of a foreign land, like a lonely firework.

After returning to China, you found an enviable job in Beijing. In the New Year, you rushed to take your foreign boyfriend and took a leave of absence to go home in advance. Who knows that parents can't accept it at all. The embarrassing silence was followed by a heated argument. For the first time in your life, your father slapped you once. You slammed the door of the house, broke free of your mother's hand, and walked without turning your head.

You went to Hainan with your boyfriend. You stroll by the sea, enjoy romantic dinners, and talk moving love stories. The sunshine and warmth of Sanya are faintly uneasy in your heart. In the past, your mother would call you several times a day and tell you to dress and eat, which made you feel overwhelmed. But this time, the familiar number never lit up again.

Returning to Beijing from Sanya, I began a busy life again. Every day, you think about your mother's words, eat an egg for breakfast, and go out and add more clothes. Several times you pick up the phone and gently put it down again. You think, always be independent, the so-called maturity, probably like this.

In Beijing in March, the spring is cold, and you are immersed in the sadness of lost love. The phone rang, it was Dad. Mom was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer, advanced.

You're confused. You rush home desperately, and what awaits you is the cold ward. You stay by your mother's side day and night, afraid of missing every minute. Only then did you realize that for more than twenty years, you had never comforted your mother, never cooked her a meal, washed her feet once, and cut her nails once. You blow cold rice soup and feed it to your mother in one bite, just as your mother fed you when you were a child. Mom slept under the action of the drug, haggard and serene. It turns out that the cruelest thing in this world is to look at the face of a loved one who is tormented by illness. You pray to Heaven to give you a little more time. So thick needle tube into Mom's body, she still smiles at you, Shanshan don't cry, Mom doesn't hurt.

There are always people who leave the world empty. Back at the home that was already strange, there were two pillows on the big bed, and three pairs of chopsticks were placed on the table. Dad said, Shanshan, let's eat. A word was already tearful. Dad seemed to have aged overnight, with his back slumped, his beard white, like a little old man. On the last night before leaving home, you woke up from the cold, climbed up to look for the quilt, and found a few pieces of your mother's clothes. You hide in the bed, biting your lip and crying silently until dawn.

On the day of your marriage, you got up early in the morning and gave your mother three incense sticks. The firecrackers downstairs shook the sky, Dad silently turned around, and Mom stood behind the frame and smiled at you. At the wedding, you take Your Father's hand and walk slowly toward the groom. After that, Dad was really alone. You think of the first time you ran away from home, you held a doll and crouched quietly in the corner; you thought of the bus stop in Beijing, the girl who was crying a lot. You held back the tears, and a gentle voice came from your ear, "Shanshan, be brave." ”

You know very well that they love you. No matter how noisy, willful, or bad tempered you are, they will not leave you. But you forget that the world is a sea, fate is the wind, and all encounters and partings are just momentary waves.

We are all travelers who carved boats and swords, and lost our most beloved people in the years. One day we were so scarred that we couldn't remember those warm, distant days. There will be a period after that, and there will be no period after that. We are afraid of a real goodbye, but goodbye, one day.

This is not a novel, all the plot comes from the real experiences of friends around you. Not the same person, of course. Why is it called Shanshan, because our love always comes too late.