If you ask a parent such a question, do you see the child's heart? Presumably every parent will say: My child I don't know yet? But in fact, many parents do not really see the heart of their children.
Xiao Rong is an example: her child has just entered the first year of junior high school, often fights at school, and calls parents at both ends for three days. Xiao Rong and his wife really broke their hearts, beat and scolded, soft and hard, and the child still couldn't change. Now when I mention my child, I am worried, and I don't know how to educate my child.
Valuing your child's relationships and school life
In the book "Every Child Needs to Be Seen", the author Officiation Gordon of Canada. Through more than 40 years of research, Dr. NeufeldGabol has found that parents usually see problems such as children's rebellion, aggression, bullying, etc., and do not see the deep desire and direction lost in the depths of their hearts. This book proposes that parent-child relationship is the foundation of family education, so that many parents have found their way.
1. Unconditionally accept the needs of children
To love children, we first start from understanding the children, unconditionally accept the needs of the children, and understand their behavior from the "needs" of the children. But there are many parents in life who can't do it.
For example, my good friend and neighbor Xiao Rong, her son just entered the first grade of junior high school, this age of the child is very active, every day back in addition to writing homework and eating, the other time is to play on the court. In the first two weeks, the school responded to the "double reduction" policy for students, saying that it was to reduce the pressure on students. In the end, the school implemented "after-school services", originally the children's normal class was 4.30 per afternoon, but now it is 5.30 classes, and the most important thing is to charge a service fee of more than 1,000 yuan per semester. The son was clamoring to register, Xiao Rong called his son's class teacher to communicate, the class teacher also suggested that there is no need to report "after-school service" to the child, in fact, the after-school service is for those parents who do not have time to pick up their children, and the school will find some slightly idle teachers to watch the child do homework. In the end, Xiao Rong did not register for his son, and the son cried angrily, saying that his mother was too unreasonable, and this requirement was not met, and finally came back every day and did not eat.
In the end, Xiao Rong couldn't screw his son, so he asked him why he had to apply for "after-school service", and he didn't like to learn very much. The son said that he could play basketball and do sports with his classmates who could play blue ball, which was very fun, although they played, but their results were very good. Xiao Rong finally agreed to the child's request, and the child immediately felt cheerful!
Follow your child's heart
Therefore, in life, as a parent, you must understand your children psychologically, understand what they like or hate, not only see the needs of your children, but also unconditionally accept the needs of your children, so that you can really enter their hearts and be qualified to have a dialogue with their hearts.
2. Repair the relationship first, and then correct the behavior
As mentioned in the book, many times, parents will feel that parenting is a thankless task, we are bitter, but children often can't understand our hard work.
Yesterday Xiao Rong called me and cried and said, I'm going crazy, what should I do, my child is basically ruined, I really can't control it. I asked her what the situation is, she said these two days is Sunday, the child is also more relaxed, the child after doing homework want to play the mobile phone, my friend agreed, who knows a play is an afternoon, in the evening friends came back, asked where the mobile phone is, the child said he did not know. Because the mobile phone did not have a card, only let the child play once in a while, so Xiao Rong did not care. At night, more than 10 lights were turned off and ready to rest, Xiao Rong secretly opened his son's door, only to see a light illuminating his face, and his son clipped his mobile phone in the middle of the book and was secretly playing. Xiao Rong's qi was marked at once, and he picked up the hanger and landed fiercely on his son's body, and the red scars on the child's body were displayed one by one. Finally, he learned that his son took pocket money to spend money everywhere to his classmates, Xiao Rong was more angry, but when he saw the injuries on his son's body, he thought of his own cruel hand and cried directly in pain. When the son saw his mother like this, he was stupid and did not dare to come forward to comfort his mother.
The next day, Xiao Rong got up early to make breakfast and let his son eat it and go to school. At the dinner table, Xiao Rong also taught his son and drew closer to his son.
Do a good job of parent-child relationship and pull in the distance with the child.
Many times, teaching children when they are anxious or full of anger can easily trigger their children's anxiety. Therefore, once the child has made mistakes and been taught, as a parent, you must first repair the relationship with the child, let the child get a sense of security from the depths of the heart, and establish a solid parent-child relationship with them, before you can correct their mistakes from the behavior.
3, do not give others the opportunity to replace themselves
Some people say that the longest confession of affection between lovers is companionship, so why not on the way for children to grow up? The relationship between the child and the parent will be different depending on the attachment style, that is, the difference with the companionship or not.
Xiao Rong and his wife have to go to work every day, and they work overtime at eight or nine o'clock at night to get home, and they are responsible for picking up and dropping off their sons to and from school. Therefore, my son went to school every day by public electric car, picked him up in the afternoon, and returned to his home after eating in the evening. The in-laws and grandmothers love their grandchildren the most, as long as the grandson wants to eat something, the father-in-law immediately goes to the street the next day to buy it back to him to eat, naturally, the grandson and the grandparents have a better relationship. And Xiao Rong and his wife sometimes do not work overtime, and when they come back, they also take their mobile phones to play with their own, and they have no heart to take care of their sons. They always believe in a sentence, so that children must learn to be independent and can only rely on themselves. Therefore, in the child's psychology, the scale of feelings is naturally biased towards grandparents, and there is also a certain sense of alienation from parents, feeling that they are isolated, and psychologically they will not be attached to their parents.
The company of parents is the cure for children's unhappiness
So as a parent, don't just worry about work and others, you must not ignore your children, and you can't throw everything to your grandparents. Especially in education, parents still have to do it themselves, and must maintain a close relationship with their children, so that children can feel the love of their parents, so that they will not give others the opportunity to replace themselves.
Fifth, write around the theme:
When the child's heart is not seen by the parents, the parent-child relationship will be alienated, so that the child is no longer dependent on the parents, thus rebelling against the parents, thus making the parents' discipline difficult. Therefore, parents need to establish a good parent-child relationship with their children in order to be conducive to the growth of their children and to allow their children to have a sound personality.
On the way to the child's growth, parents can not be absent