Today I want to share with you is the author Liu Yu's "A person, to be like a team", a short article that I like very much, to share with you.
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Two days ago, a netizen wrote to me and asked me how I could overcome my loneliness.
He was the same as when I first arrived in the United States, his English was not good enough, he had few friends, he waited for dawn alone, he waited for dark, and every day the school plus the library were three o'clock and one line.
I said I didn't have a knack for it because I had never overcome it, and all I've learned over the years was to adapt to it, to be lonely, like to adapt to a disability.
I think happiness is unattainable, but fulfillment is unattainable.
There are many factors in the matter of happiness that are "not subject to subjective will". Genes, experiences, people you happen to meet. But fulfillment is self-reliant. Russell said that the three driving forces of his life were the pursuit of knowledge, the desire for love, and the unquenchable compassion for suffering. You see, of these three items, except for the second item, the other two items can be "forced", and they all have the symmetry of cultivation and harvest.
I have very little pleasure, and of course I don't suffer. Mainly life is thin, and the event density is very low. Let's just say that I did something yesterday:
I got up at ten o'clock, packed up, and finished reading a book about the history of the Ming Dynasty that I had read for half a year.
Go out at 13: Find a coffee bar, go in and buy something for lunch, and then sit there and change a paper.
I went home at 19:00, made some food, watched TV for more than an hour, and returned to e-mail.
At 22:00 I watched a DVD Korean movie, "Spring, Summer, Autumn, Winter, Spring."
At 0:00, read two chapters of the book about the Cold War.
At 2 o'clock, talk to mosquitoes on the phone, hang out on the Internet, and get ready for bed.
It was basically my typical day, a person, a book, a computer, a DVD.
On average, I go to school twice a week to listen to lectures. I have lunch with friends once a week on weekdays and dinner once a week on weekends.
What a thin life, whoever gets close to me has altitude sickness.
I'm not a lonely person at all. Anyone who knows me in life knows how approachable and cheerful I am. Sometimes I'm just lazy and lazy to run a relationship, and sometimes I just love freedom and feel that any kind of relationship will bind me. Of course, the main thing is that it is difficult to find a voice, and I always feel that I can only come up with a subset of my own when I interact with most people. I have a hard time finding someone who is as endless as myself.
Sometimes I am anxious, not only because I missed the dinner between relatives and friends, laughter, and warmth, not only because a literary young woman has a natural yearning for stories, conflicts, and leafy life, but also because the avant-garde nature of one's thought is always maintained through collision. I'm worried that if I stay alone like this, will I get more and more stupid?
It seems to be getting more and more stupid.
But other times, I was amazed at my own vitality. In such a lack of communication, communication, excitement, debate, jokes, chats, gossip, rumors, gossip, gossip, MSN... In life, there is no "circle", over the years, just by relying on my own dialogue with myself, I have maintained my creativity and combat effectiveness, and I have written novels, papers, and blogs so enthusiastically, and I Liu Yu is such a tenacious sunflower.
When I was young, I thought being lonely was a cool thing; when I grew up, I felt lonely was a very desolate thing; now, I think being lonely is not a thing.
Sometimes what people need is real despair.
True despair has nothing to do with pain, sorrow, or misery, and true despair makes people feel at peace. You realize that you can't rely on others, that anyone can be happy and fulfilled, then you should face yourself and implement this awareness into every word and deed.
It is not discouraged, not to get by, not to be "plain, calm and true" such bullshit lyrics. It is just a realistic attitude of "fate belongs to fate, one's own returns to oneself".
That day I happened to remember three novels I've written in the past few years: "Lonely Like a Planet" and "So, What About Love?" "Fireworks", surprised to find that there is actually a trajectory in this, from sadness to resentment, and then to despair.
Despair means freedom.
A friend once wrote a poem called "One Man Should Be Like a Team." I imagine Gu Zhun in the Cultural Revolution, Yang Xiaokai in prison, and Wang Xiaobo, who wrote outside the literary circle, as such people. Huai Cai does not encounter a boat against the current, a person is like a team, not discouraged, has a call, loves freedom.
Now it seems that I can only face the internal recruitment, and become a team by myself. Is it okay for a man to be like an army, for me to be like a battalion or a company?
Of course, my team is not as determined as theirs, there are definitely deserters, often shouting to rest, but I am still recruiting, still moving forward, walking along the sea and singing "Nanniwan".
I think I was lucky after all, not only because of those external gains, but also because of the tenacity and endowment that God gave me, he told me that "The unexamined life is not worth living", teaching me to use nothingness and pride, cynicism, to transcend the muddy, drifting life. Then teach me to use a sense of right and wrong, a sense of responsibility, to transcend that bit of nihilistic pride and cynicism.
When Russell said that knowledge, love, and compassion were the driving force of his life, I felt that this old man who was immoral was simply my brother.
Because of this luck, I forgive God for all the frustrations and loneliness I have given me, forgive him for the sensitivity, depression and neuroticness he gave me, forgive him for making X not like me, let me not like Y, let so many people look more beautiful than me, let so many rotten books sell better than me, and even forgive him, let me grow to 105 pounds, because he gave me the best quality in the world, not discouraged, summoned, and loved freedom.
Oh, how did it come to this? Originally, I wanted to talk about my experience in overcoming loneliness, but it turned out to be a self-praised model essay, which should be written by the battalion commander to the soldiers, analyzing the current form and our tasks.