We often have the naïve idea that as long as it is a white lie, there will be a good result. In fact, a good lie is also a lie, and a white lie can also lead to bad results. Don't you know that the essence is wrong, the method is right and useless; the direction is wrong, and the means of transportation are useless. There is no so-called good evil, and there is no so-called true falsehood. A lie is a lie, and no matter what motive you use to tell a lie, the result is still a lie, and a good motive cannot change the essence of a lie. White lies also need more potentially unkind lies to cover up lies. In the end, the motives of good intentions are buried by the lie itself.
Shanshan and her boyfriend are sister-brother love, 34, boyfriend, 26. The first time I met was at a friend party, because Shanshan paid special attention to her own dress, she didn't look like a thirty-year-old woman at all, and her boyfriend fell in love with her as soon as she saw her, and took the initiative to pursue. Shanshan was also touched by the sincerity of her boyfriend, promised to interact together to see, and then the two people got along very well, caring for her, but there is a point, Shanshan in order to catch her boyfriend, when the boyfriend asked about her age, told him that he was only 4 years older, in fact, the two of them were 8 years apart. She has always wanted to wait for the relationship to be stable to tell him the real situation, but once by chance, the boyfriend saw her ID number when he helped her fill in the information, and finally the paper package could not stop the fire, and the boyfriend felt cheated and wanted to break up with her.
The basis of maintaining feelings is trust, and cheating is obviously an act of consuming trust, don't think that "I love him to lie to him" is a white lie, no matter what your intentions are, in fact, you have deprived him of his right to know, and when things are revealed, he will have a serious sense of betrayal, doubting your character and this relationship.
And Shanshan not only went against his will, but also tried to cheat to achieve his goals, but in fact touched the bottom line of her boyfriend, worried that there will be more lies in the future feelings, and he will think that the sooner such feelings escape, the better.
Shanshan was not willing to break up like this, so she went to him, apologized to him, begged him not to break up, his attitude has always been very cold, do not agree to compound, when a fire came up, said some very ugly words, said that he never wanted to see her again.
Stalking is the most unwise way to redeem himself, once he makes his dislike of you multiply, no matter how you apologize later is harassment for him, he has made up his mind to put you down, and your words and deeds are completely contrary to his needs, excessive harassment will only make him continue to rationalize the reason for the breakup, and the attitude is more resolute.
Before you realize your mistakes and correct them, everything you do is useless, and plainly add more obstacles to your path to redemption, so it is what you really should do to abandon your useless resistance and find a more effective way to redeem yourself.
Why a mistake made him unforgivable
Because of one of your mistakes, he avoids you, completely out of the "halo effect", in layman's terms, he has been bitten by a snake for ten years and is afraid of the well rope, and your harmful behavior towards him makes him have a defense mechanism against you.
A stalking will make him think that your subsequent behavior is harassment, and your behavior will also give him an inherent thinking of "if so, you are such a person", and then you want to open his window and it becomes extremely difficult.
How to salvage your trust crisis and what is the right thing to do?
<h1>1. Pre-laying: have a stable mentality and proceed step by step</h1>
In the whole process of redemption, his face may be like the June weather, change will change, face your contact may be lukewarm, as if it is perfunctory, and may even directly ignore your news, at this time the most needed thing is to calm down and move forward slowly.
Therefore, in the process of interaction, even if the other party is very cold, you should not be discouraged and lose confidence, but should show relief and generosity.
To stabilize the mentality, do not increase the frequency of interaction excessively, but to the rhythm that he feels comfortable, the most important thing at this stage is to eliminate his antipathy to you, remove the defense against you, and pave the way for your recovery.
<h1>2. Reinvent your image and show your change and high value</h1>
Putting more attention on improving your own value is a more cost-effective choice for you, after the breakup, you have more time and space to precipitate yourself, you will have a clearer understanding of yourself, constantly improve your own value and charm, and become a male type that attracts him.
And if you want to reshape your image and successfully transform, you must invest time and energy to transform yourself, whether it is to work hard or live actively, you must find your own unique value and carry it forward, so that you can be more confident in this process, so as to successfully attract him.
<h1>3. Use friends as an entry point to gradually upgrade the relationship</h1>
When he starts to be interested in you, you have to use chance encounters or friend gatherings to establish contact with him, because it is a direct meeting, your new look will be more impactful, he may talk to you, keep a good attitude, do not immediately expose your needs.
Even if he is not active in contacting him, you must find a good time to go up and talk, when you have improved and naturally talked to him as a "friend" or even restored contact, I think he will not refuse. Then use temptation and push-pull to constantly adjust and escalate your relationship until his sense of need for you increases and he redeems success.
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