Wen / Guan Xiaomei
Xiaomei feels that there is a lie in life, which seems to be very sincere and full of protective desire, but once it is recognized, it will make the other party sad to collapse, and even can't help herself.
It will make you feel that the emotional foundation accumulated over so many years is blind, and so many years of hard work have been lost.
Pain, remorse, sadness, sadness.
All adjectives of this magnitude are not enough to express the feeling of a lie after it has been recognized.
Not only that, but it is also possible not to get the other party's understanding, let alone any empathy.
They will think that you are unreasonable, they will think that you have nothing to do, they will feel that you do not know people's hearts, but few people will think about their own problems.
That's it — a white lie.
A white lie is a lie that is said for some good reason. The starting point for telling such lies is not malicious, nor is it for its own benefit. Use the search box above today's headline app to type in "white lies" to see what other tragedies have been caused by white lies.
However, is it advisable to tell a white lie? Isn't such a lie hurtful?
The answer is, of course, no.
In "Our Day" S4E3, Kate, who has experienced all kinds of hardships and has a child, all her thoughts are on little Jack, slowly and unconsciously stopping to restrain the food she eats, no longer paying attention to her weight.
As a result, she gained 10 pounds.
But even if she is fat, she is happy. In her opinion, she has a husband who loves herself, and there is also a crystallization of love, and it doesn't matter whether she is fat or not.
And during the relationship, Toby once said that it was difficult to lose weight, and it was almost impossible to lose it, just like Kate, who was born to drink water. So, Kate doesn't have any psychological burden either.
One day, however, Kate discovers that Toby is thin, and although Toby can hide that he has lost weight, she is discovered by Kate.
It's nothing short of a thunderclap.
Kate was extremely sad and sad, and the once inferiority complex once again swept in.
Some people say that she is pretentious, and she should be happy that Toby has successfully slimmed down, after all, slimming down also means that Toby is getting healthier and healthier. But that's because people who think this way don't understand how Kate's childhood was dominated by the fear of being "fat."
When she was a child, her mother Rebecca practiced gymnastics, and little Kate also rushed to follow the exercises, thinking that after practicing, she could really lose weight.
However, after she had finished all the lessons, she took a scale and found that she was still not thin, and the smile on her face gradually solidified.
Perhaps from that time on, her self-esteem was hurt, and she suffered from a serious "inferiority complex".
It was also at that time that she gave herself a verdict in her heart, believing that she was born obese and that no matter how hard she tried, she could not change this fact.
In this way, the inferiority complex slowly expands day after day, and finally becomes wandering, decadent and retreating.
Inferiority is a common human disease and one of the root causes of failure.
For a long time after that, Kate stopped working out, no matter what she did, she had no confidence, no confidence.
Obviously, she has a very good voice, but she does not dare to sing in front of the audience; Ming toby is her true destiny, but she does not even have the courage to talk about a love.
Fortunately, Toby did not give up pursuing her because of her inferiority. Toby's well-intentioned understanding allows her to gradually free herself from inferiority, return to a normal life, go out of the house, and show her beautiful singing voice to the world.
However, just when she thought her life was over, Toby's behavior once again beat her back to her original form.
Toby had been hiding from her to go to the gym alone, hiding from her and quietly getting thinner.
Once, Toby's love for her made her inferiority complex plummet, and she no longer worried about her weight. And now, Toby's lies have made her strengthen her inferiority once again.
In other words, any woman would be very sad to face such an encounter, to the extent that "we said we would go for a walk to somewhere together and you would go first with a Ferrari".
While the heart is unbalanced, it will feel betrayal even more.
Therefore, Kate is so sad when she realizes that Toby is secretly working out the gym behind her back and has achieved phased results.
I myself worked hard to bring my baby at home and be a haggard housewife, while you, who are also a grandfather, are desperately exercising to make your state better, even radiant.
Isn't that a betrayal?
Although Toby explained that he did not want to be powerless because of his health problems when his son needed support, he hid her from going to the gym, just to make her less disappointed.
Kate still couldn't accept it. No matter how Toby explains it, it only makes Kate more sad, and the state of marriage that is out of sync is sometimes more terrible than divorce.
Originally, she thought that her experience was tragic enough, and when she hid on the balcony and cried alone, she met a neighbor who had parked her car on the lawn because her garage was not sorted out, and was looking for stubble.
But while chatting, Kate discovered that her neighbor's situation was worse than hers. Finally, they walked together in the neighborhood and soothed each other's hearts.
Kate thought she was already a person who had been abandoned by life, who knew that there were people who were worse than her, and relatively speaking, she was already very lucky.
But it's worth noting that her healing is not the same as acknowledging forgiveness for Toby's "white" lies, but rather a relative self-healing.
While she no longer shied away from facing Toby's "white" lies, that didn't mean she could tolerate them. Her actions were just a compromise, and the only reason was only Toby's love for herself.
The harm caused by this lie may not be truly understood by Toby, but we as viewers deeply understand it.
People are both rational animals and emotional animals, rationality makes Kate unable to accept the impact of her husband's behavior on her, and emotionality makes her choose to respond to this "betrayal" with such an insignificant sentence as "Don't hide from me anymore".
If Toby is still dead after experiencing this "accident" and tells this "white" lie again in the rest of his life, I am afraid that Kate will no longer be able to squeeze out a smile and forgive him.
As women, are we really willing to forgive our husbands for this "well-intentioned" betrayal in real life?
Little Sister feels that people are not sages, and they should be responsible for being worthy of ourselves.
Empathetically, men are equally reluctant to face their wives' "white lies." Because as long as it is a lie, it must hurt people, there is no good or evil, but the starting point is different.
Therefore, if you want to be happy in marriage, you must not choose to lie, whether the original intention is good intentions or malicious intentions, this red line can not be easily touched.
However, it is worth mentioning that Kate's emotional breakdown is typical of marital inferiority and emotional loss of control.
It is important to note that these emotions can actually be adjusted and controlled. In life, there are nine times that we can't avoid unsatisfactory things, but we can choose not to control our lives with negative emotions, but to face various problems with a positive attitude. A positive attitude can lead to benign action, as Kate did with Toby.
Finally, Xiaomei hopes that everyone's married life can be happy and beautiful, and will never encounter any lies ~ ~ ~ ~
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