Today was the most fierce cry I had this year, crying until my eyes were so swollen that I couldn't open them.
Not for anyone else, just because of this movie - "I Am Sam".
Sam is an adult with an IQ equivalent to seven.
Because of taking in a homeless woman, she accidentally has a cute and intelligent daughter, Lucy.
But the woman left the father and daughter after the birth of Lucy, leaving Sam to raise her daughter alone.
Fortunately, there is a group of friends who also suffer from mental disorders around to help, so the life of the father and daughter is also happy and happy.
But when Lucy reached the age of seven, Sam's IQ didn't seem to be enough.
By chance, the unusual father-daughter pair is noticed by the Family Child Protection Society, who believe that Sam cannot be a qualified guardian and needs to find another "parent" for Lucy.
In order not to be separated from his daughter, Sam finds a lawyer, Rita, to help him fight for custody of Lucy...
When I wept again and again for my father, who was only seven years old, I also reflected from the depths of my heart:
Sam was identified as an unqualified father by the Family Child Protection Agency because of his low IQ, so what kind of parents are considered "qualified"?
Originally, I thought that a qualified parent needs to have a certain knowledge and culture, and can provide a good environment for children to grow up.
But Sam, who had an IQ of only seven, knocked me over and made me realize that these were not prerequisites.
I discovered from him four important prerequisites for being a "qualified parent."
No.1 Companionship
Needless to say, most parents love their children, but few realize the importance of companionship for their children.
The world of children is simple, and what they want is simple, that is, their parents can accompany themselves.
Sam has a low IQ, but he knows how to do his best to accompany Lucy.
He would take Lucy to the park and play with her on the swing.
When Lucy is going to school, he will call his good partner and accompany Lucy to carefully choose the shoes suitable for school.
Although he only read a children's book called "Green Ham Egg", he read it to Lucy over and over again until she fell asleep.
During the trial, Lucy was placed in a foster home.
Sam moved to the neighborhood where Lucy lived in order to have more opportunities to meet Lucy and accompany lucy.
These little bits and pieces of companionship can make Lucy feel happy and peaceful.
But compared to Sam, the lawyer Rita and her husband provide all the material conditions for their child, Willie, but no companionship.
Both people see being with their children as each other's task.
On her way to the office, Rita was still urging her husband to pick up the children and take him to learn karate.
The husband is even more excessive, and he finds other women outside and does not want to accompany his son.
It was common for Willie's parents to come home late, so he was always alone in the huge villa watching TV, pedaling the scooter from one end of the house to the other.
Although he had no worries about food and clothing, his young face was full of unhappiness.
In fact, children don't care as much about toys and living conditions as we think.
This is what adults think children want, but not what children really want.
I remember one time when I came home, I took the latest toy to meet my little nephew, his favorite Iron Man.
But compared to toys, the little nephew obviously prefers to play with the little sister who often plays with him, and Iron Man will be thrown aside for other toys after playing.
It can be seen that even if I gave him a valuable toy, it is just a cold object, which cannot be compared with the happiness brought to him by companionship.
No. 2 Encouragement
It's not enough to be with you, you also need to encourage your child.
Children are still in the process of understanding the world, and they need the affirmation of their parents.
If parents give accusations and criticism in the company, this is extremely detrimental to the formation of the child's personality.
In the movie, there is a biology open class, and parents come to the school to listen to their children explain different creatures.
Lucy explains the evolution of butterflies, and when it comes to the last stage, it is stuck.
Instead of blaming, Sam loudly "justified" Lucy that it was hard to remember so many stages.
Because Lucy always received love and encouragement, she showed understanding and tolerance beyond her age when facing her mentally abnormal father.
In contrast, Connor and his father.
Connor introduced the spider, but this was not the creature he wanted to introduce at all, but the speech that his father had written for him, so the speech was stumbling.
While the father whispered the next line, he blamed Connor for being "stupid and stupid", which made Connor look sad and force the speech exactly according to his father's will.
Presumably, Connor was often blamed and criticized by his father at home, so he lacked goodwill in his heart.
Sam kindly invites Connor, who has "failed" to speak, to come home as a guest, but what Connor sees is Sam's slow speech and action.
Instead of thanking him for being invited, he laughed and imitated Sam in front of Lucy.
At the birthday party, Sam would yell at him because he touched him gently.
Apparently, Connor disrespects others because his father didn't respect his own ideas either.
So if parents can encourage their children more, children can also get more satisfaction and self-confidence in the process of growing up, and then have a healthier body and mind.
No.3 Patience
In addition to companionship and encouragement, parents also need to have enough patience with their children.
Many parents become racing against the clock because they have a lot of messy work and housework.
The consequence of racing against the clock is impatience, especially in the face of children who are "slow" in everything they do.
I remember once in the breakfast restaurant, I saw a mother yelling at her child very angrily, "Can you eat it quickly?" I'm going to be late for school! ”
The child looked frightened and seemed to be trying to speed up his own eating movements.
The same problem exists with Rita in the movie.
When Willie called to complain about her friend, she was more concerned about the customers she was going to see soon, so she immediately interrupted Willy and said that she would go home and listen to him.
Sam is different, and he is extremely patient with Lucy.
By the time Lucy was seven years old, Sam couldn't read the books school had set out.
Lucy was worried that her father would be upset, so she refused to study and refused to read in front of her father.
When Sam learns of this through the class teacher, he tells Lucy that she needs to read, repeatedly stressing that she is not sad but very fond of listening to Lucy read to him.
But in reality, he couldn't understand what Lucy was reading.
Because in the subsequent trial, when the opposing defense lawyer repeatedly forced Sam to ask, "How can you be a good father?" ”
Sam said:
For Sam, who has an IQ of only seven years old, listening to his daughter read is boring, but he is still willing to listen to her read patiently and quietly, pretending to like listening, because he knows that she needs to learn.
Many of our parents tend to ignore their children's psychological growth, spend their time on earning money, and let the school take full responsibility for their children's education.
But school cannot replace the role of parents in the growth of children's minds.
Taking a moment to patiently wait for your child to finish a meal and listening to a story may make your child feel a sense of presence like never before.
No. 4 Expression
Finally, parents also need to learn to express their love for their children.
Some parents never reveal their love for their children.
For example, in the movie, Rita loves Willie very much, but the child can't feel it at all.
When the mother and son went to the police station to pick up Sam in the middle of the night, Willie accidentally touched the emergency door and rang the alarm bell.
Rita's first reaction was to complain about her children.
She completely neglected to express her love in front of her children.
But Sam shows his love for Lucy every moment.
During the trial, when the court allowed him to visit Lucy only twice a week, he must have gone to visit his daughter with a big cake.
Because he rushed over to hug Lucy, he spilled the cake on the ground and fell on the cake himself.
But Sam was lying on the ground for the first time, not to clean up the messy cake but to kiss his daughter.
In court, he would scrupulously write Lucy's name on the paper over and over again, albeit in crooked handwriting.
Love needs to be expressed.
Sometimes even we adults can't guess what our loved ones think, let alone children who don't know the world.
They need to see and hear their parents' love for them.
The role of Zhongshan's friend Anne in the movie is heart-wrenching.
She is Lucy's godmother and piano teacher, an old woman with a gentle personality.
However, her life was painful, and she may have changed many "fathers" before the age of 28.
These fathers are the mean ghosts in Sam's mouth, the demons in Anne's heart that cannot be mentioned.
Because of the loss of her father's love, Anne did not dare to go out of her house for the rest of her life.
Touched by the sight of Sam's unparalleled love for Lucy, he finally plucked up the courage to go out of the house to testify.
The court lawyer Rita asked if she was worried about Lucy, to which Anne replied:
Anne's upbringing is mutilated, so she doesn't want Lucy to regret it for the rest of her life.
Good parents are like the warm sun in winter to their children.
No matter how unpredictable the world is, children can always feel the warmth that their parents bring to them.
Such a child will also be rich and peaceful in his heart.
So don't wait for the child to grow up to regret that they are not good enough, qualified parents have nothing to do with IQ, regardless of the environment, just the right love is what parents need to give to their children.