Regarding love, this is the answer to all

The General recommends the book

Love is not a topic that belongs only to the category of psychology, but I think that psychologists' interpretation of love is the most worth seeing, there is an analysis from the perspective of human nature, there are also scientifically based discussions, and more reasonable suggestions.

I read the psychologist Fromm's book The Art of Love more than a decade ago and thought that this art class was really quite profound, but the content of the book was not obscure, very easy to understand, and very inspiring.

In this book, Fromm argues that love is not an emotion that has nothing to do with a person's maturity and only needs to be invested physically and mentally.

If you do not strive to develop your full personality and thus reach a creative tendency, then every attempt at love will fail.

If there is no ability to love others, if there is no true humility, courage, sincerity and discipline to love others, then people will never be satisfied in their own love lives.

I agree with his understanding of love, love is an ability, but also should be a need to abide by the rules of an emotion, today I recommend this "love psychology" introductory book, the following is a partial excerpt:

This is recommended by the general

Book 11

Love is within us

Something that grows out

And not the emotions of being captured

Author: Ehrlich Fromm

German-American psychologist

Psychoanalyst philosopher

An important member of the Frankfurt School

1. To have the ability to love, you have to understand the definition of love, love is not an exchange, some people love in order to get more love, which is already wrong from the starting point.

Love is selfless giving without asking for anything in return, and loving others is a virtue of man, not a means to get more benefits.

2. Most people think that love is first of all whether they can be loved, not whether they have the ability to love.

So for them, the point is: Will I be loved? How can I be worthy of being loved?

In fact, what most people in our society understand as "worthy of love" is nothing more than a mixture of two tendencies to win hearts and be attracted to the opposite sex.

3. This may explain why there are many people in our society who often suffer from the setbacks of love, but few people try to learn the art of love.

People crave love on the one hand, but on the other hand, they value other things such as achievement, status, fame and power over love.

We devote almost all of our energies to trying to achieve these ends, but rarely learn the art of love.

Is it only fame and fortune that is worth the price? And "love" is only useful for the soul, and love, which is useless in the modern sense, is just a luxury, a luxury that is not worth the price of people?

4. Love needs a sound psychology, a female psychology is too obvious people are more eager to be loved, rather than to give love, this lack of initiative in love will inevitably be painful, a man with too obvious male psychology does not know how to love, the same is very painful.

5. If a woman tells us that she loves flowers, but we find that she forgot to water the flowers, we will not believe what she says.

Love is an active concern for life and the growth of what we love.

If there is a lack of this positive concern, then it's just an emotion, not love.

6. Innocent, childlike love follows the following principle: "I love because I am loved." ”

The principle of mature love is: "I am loved because I love others." Immature, childish love is: "I love you because I need you," and mature love is: "I need you because I love you." ”

7. In countless articles promoting a happy marriage, a pair of frictionless partners is regarded as an ideal union.

This propaganda is no different from the standard that society requires that employees be comfortable. This staff member must be "correspondingly independent", a good collaborator, tolerant, at the same time enterprising, and demanding of life.

As the marriage counselor introduced to us, a husband should understand his "wife" and be her helper.

He should praise her wife's new clothes and also praise her for the meals she cooks.

And whenever the husband comes home tired and full of resentment, the wife should be considerate of him, and when the husband talks about professional troubles, the wife should pay attention to him.

If the husband forgets her birthday, the wife should not be angry, but should be reasonable.

All this is nothing more than to show that the relationship between these two people is as frictionless as oil, but these two people will not understand each other for a lifetime, never reach the "central relationship", but respect like guests, just try to make each other comfortable.

Such a concept of love and marriage is actually an emphasis on protecting oneself from unbearable loneliness.

In "love" people have finally found a safe haven. Two people form an alliance against the whole world, but they see this selfishness of two people as love and trust.

8. The main argument for the reluctance of both parties in an unhappy marriage to divorce is that they are unwilling to deprive their children of the happiness of a full family.

However, the results of careful research show that the tension and misfortune in such a barely maintained "intact family" is much worse for children than divorce .

At least divorce can teach children a way of behaving by making courageous decisions to end intolerable states. #爱的艺术 #

General Guo, master of psychology of Beijing Normal University, national second-level psychological counselor, and popular author of Han Han [ONE]. 8 years of psychological counseling experience, The WeChat public account "We all have diseases in our hearts" (ID: staynormal), the book work "The World Prefers Self-Healing and Self-Pleasure" is selling well.