Friends are friendly, I am Miao Baoping, a psychological counselor, and the name of the network is like dust.
Today we continue to read Dr. Yue Xiaodong's book "The Feeling of Ascending to Heaven: I Did Psychological Counseling at Harvard University": "Chapter 2 I have a deep guilt for my sister".
body:
Behind a person's peculiar behavior, there must be an unknown mystery hidden in the subconscious.
—Freud
Doing things based on experience can be described as a taboo in psychological counseling. It enables the consultant to judge intuitively without fully understanding the truth of the inquirer. In the end, it fell into subjective arbitrariness and gave the inquirer a favor. In the following notes, I learned the harm it does to the counselor and thus became more adept at tapping into the underlying motivations behind people's behavior.
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Monica sat quietly in front of me, a look of sadness on her face.
Monica is a first-year student at Harvard University. She is Hispanic, lively, methodical and assertive.
I was surprised that she came to me to ask if I should transfer from Harvard.
Monica is from a small town in central New York State, where both parents work in the bank. She has a good academic performance since she was a child and is very popular with teachers. She also has the Spanish-like, unspoilable personality and is sociable. From childhood to adulthood, Monica was a prominent figure in the school and also served as the cheerleader of the school basketball team.
After enrolling at Harvard, she participated in three clubs at the same time and was vice president of one of them. The sincere look she looked at when she talked also won my favor.
But Monica told me she wasn't happy at Harvard.
Monica said the main reason she was unhappy was her hard work in studying and her grades were unsatisfactory. When she first entered Harvard University, she did not care about her backwardness in learning, thinking that this was only a temporary phenomenon. But later, no matter how hard she worked, she couldn't catch up with the requirements of the learning progress, and often the problem of the previous class had not been clarified, and the problem of the new class appeared again. Faced with such a continuous "indigestion", Monica said she could no longer cope with the increasingly heavy pressure of study.
"I can't stay in my dorm room or library all day long, because it's not in my nature and it's not good for my health." Monica complained.
Monica also said that she is the kind of girl who has no tricks to play with, and she likes to socialize with people, especially like to have boys dating her. She grew up in the praises, and no one can be left liking her. At Harvard, she couldn't get the satisfaction of this self-esteem. She described Harvard's students as having their nostrils up to the sky, without the simplicity and affinity of her hometown...
After much thought, Monica plans to move from Harvard to a general university in New York State to continue her studies. She told her parents about the idea, which was met with strong opposition from them. Because Monica was the first person in her parents' two families to attend Harvard University, it also fulfilled her father's dream of not being able to attend the Ivy League. So, no matter what she said, Monica's father was saying, "Monica, you can't back down, you must stay at Harvard."
In desperation, Monica came to us to ask what she was going to do at Harvard.
unscramble:
Judging from the current content of this chapter, we don't know what Monica's guilt about her sister is, and we can only resist slowly understanding.
But from the content of this chapter, we at least know that Monica is unhappy, and her unhappiness is actually very similar to the reality that many of our parents and children in China encounter.
Because Monica was the first person in her parents' two families to attend Harvard University, it also fulfilled her father's dream of not being able to attend the Ivy League. So, no matter what she said, Monica's father was saying, 'Monica, you can't back down, you must stay at Harvard.' In terms of man's defense mechanism, Monica's father's manifestation is an external projection, that is, projecting his own motives and desires onto himself, asserting that others have such motives and desires. We don't know if Monica's father was immature, but his kind of compulsive good wishes brought Monica a lot of pressure, making Monica fall into a dilemma. Monica's father's wish is also a copy of traditional Chinese culture Wangzi Jackie Chan and Wangnu Chengfeng, and it is an inspiration for children to use well, if it is counterproductive and not conducive to the growth of children, Monica is an example.
Judging by Monica's performance, she "intends to transfer from Harvard to a general university in New York State to continue her studies" because she "is unhappy mainly because of her hard work and unsatisfactory grades." "I can't stay in the dormitory or the library all day long, it's not in my nature, and it's not good for my health." Monica's complaint reflects her voice and is a regression of the self-mental defense mechanism, that is, when people's desires are frustrated, they abandon the mature attitudes and behavior patterns they have learned, and use the more childish ways of satisfying their own desires. There is an old Chinese saying called "step back from the sea and the sky",
So I thought monica's current performance could not be called a retreat, but was seeking her own solution.
However, in addition to the above two reasons, is there another reason for Monica's unhappiness and dilemma? What guilt does Monica have towards her sister? That's where we'll see for this chapter!
For more information, listen to the next breakdown. Behind the so-called specific behavior of a person, there must be an unknown mystery hidden in the subconscious.
October 20, 2021 #Counselor said #