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Bai Li Xi and Uncle Jian: The most famous unlucky egg and crow mouth in the Spring and Autumn Period

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Bai Li Xi and Uncle Jian: The most famous unlucky egg and crow mouth in the Spring and Autumn Period

Text: Yan Da (Columnist for Reading History)

If the brothers are righteous and angry, if this thing is done well, it will be called "guan bao's friendship". But Guan Zhong and Bao Shuya's little thing is nothing remarkable in my opinion, after all, in my time, this kind of thing was a big grasp.

When I brag about it, don't I? Come, let's show up and tell you the story of me and Uncle Jian.

01, away from home

My name is BaiLi Xi, I lived in the Spring and Autumn Period, and Guan Zhong was the same age, but when Guan Zhong became famous later, I was still worried about the problem of food and clothing all day long, running around the world, just to be able to mix my stomach.

This is also no way to do it, as the saying goes: a little bit of back can not complain about society. I am a non-rich and non-expensive second generation of the earth, and it is not easy to get ahead in that chaotic world, and my luck has even declined.

Let's start with my wife kicking me out of the house.

In the end, I can't remember exactly what year I left home, but what I can't forget to this day is the slap that my daughter-in-law gave me.

My daughter-in-law married me at the age of two or eight, and she was also a young and beautiful flower at that time, and she also played the piano well. The villagers can't understand such a good girl, why do they look at me as a poor ghost? This, thanks to our culture. You know, at that time, there was no universal compulsory education, there was no literacy movement, and people who could read and hyphenate were absolutely rare, and bookworms like me were even rarer.

However, it was also an era when the "uselessness of reading" prevailed, and as a result, I became a famous nerd in ten miles and eight townships. But the turnip greens have their own love is not, my daughter-in-law prefers to listen to the old and the modern and the world, so I will hug the beauty.

Alas, where does this go, go on with that slap.

I've been married for almost ten years, and that was the first time I've been subjected to domestic violence. At that time, they were all blinded, and their eyes looked directly at their daughter-in-law - what did they do to bully me this weak chicken? The daughter-in-law who holds the baby scolds angrily: After reading so many books, you know what is the use of chatting and spanking, and the knowledge must be transformed into productivity! Hurry up and find me a job!

Remember, the Wind Flower Snow Moon is invincible to oil, salt and vinegar. In this way, the daughter-in-law slaughtered the only old hen in the family who was still laying eggs, let me eat a good meal, and then threw me out.

At the moment when the tattered wood door closed, I heard her sobs, and the cries of several babies, and the resentment disappeared. She just hated that iron was not steel. I shouted: When I am developed, I will come back to pick you up! (Refer to "Customs and Customs, Anonym, Love Encounter")

Bai Li Xi and Uncle Jian: The most famous unlucky egg and crow mouth in the Spring and Autumn Period

Under the gloomy sky, I walked one foot deep and one foot shallow to the chaotic world.

As an authentic turtle, the village is my little mud pond, and I don't know where to go when I climb out. Taking advantage of my tangled work at the mouth of the village, let's first explain the background of the times.

The reigning Tianzi at this time was King Zhou, starting from the founder of Eastern Zhou, King Ping, and passing down to him as the fourth generation. Everyone knew that the Zhou royal family's qi was exhausted, but it was just lingering, and Jiang Xiaobai would have to wait a few more years before becoming the Duke of Qi Huan. There are no leaders and no rules, and almost every day the princely states of all sizes are either fighting or on the way to fight, and the world is chaotic like a pot of stewed eight treasure porridge.

Go left or right? After weighing it for half a day, I still didn't make up my mind. In the end, I dug my pocket, and there were only a few dollars in total, and Qi coins accounted for the majority (there were many kinds of foreign exchange in this year). Well, without further hesitation, I headed east. That was the direction of the State of Qi.

The situation in the State of Qi at that time was that Gongsun Ignorant had just killed his cousin Duke Xiang of Qi and usurped the throne as monarch. Because I'm not from Qi, I feel like it's a good thing — the newly formed regime is definitely short of manpower, and it will be easier to find a job.

But I thought it was very good, I had never been out of the far gate, I was confused and took the wrong road, it was difficult to see the tall city, but the two big characters on the city gate were Song Guo.

Song Guo is not a good place. When I first arrived, The Monarch Song Min Was slaughtered by the rebellious ministers. I was thinking about whether to try my luck with the new monarch anyway, and the new monarch was chopped up by another group of ministers.

The monarch is more diligent than I am in the bath, what is this called! Not to mention that there is no one in charge at all, even if you are hired as a civil servant, it is a high-risk job. Not daring to stay longer, I quickly ran out of this place of right and wrong.

Although the Qi and Song dynasties are bordered by each other and the distance is not far, I am not familiar with the land of life, and I still have a foreign accent, so it is too difficult to walk.

There was a place in the Song kingdom called "铚", and there was still a distance from the state of Qi, and I stopped here because I was starving to death. Even if I chewed steamed bread and drank cold water all day, the few dollars I brought out of my home were not enough to spend, and before I reached the territory of the Country of Qi, I began my begging career.

It is impossible to predict the matter of asking for food, after eating the last meal, no one can say when there will be the next meal. No, I hadn't eaten in two days standing at the intersection of the street, and when I saw pedestrians on the road, they all wanted to go up and take a bite, grunting and gulping.

Suddenly, out of nowhere, a face came out of nowhere, stopped less than two feet away in front of me, completely reflexive, and I opened my mouth and bit it...

In this way, I met my lifelong best friend Uncle Jian.

Bai Li Xi and Uncle Jian: The most famous unlucky egg and crow mouth in the Spring and Autumn Period

02, bad luck

I woke up in a farmyard, don't look at the countryside, but compared with our family, that is the gap between the landlord and extreme poverty.

The person who saved me was called Uncle Jian, the one who was almost bitten by me, and this was his house. Listening to Uncle Jian, when I fainted in his arms, I was scared enough to scare him, and I thought that I had touched porcelain, but when I found out that I was not pretending, I quickly picked me up.

Starvation is not a big deal, and after waking up and killing a few bowls of rice, I immediately regained my vitality. Although I was in a hurry to go to the country of Qi, I was embarrassed to leave when I was full, and Uncle Jian did not have the intention of picking me up.

Since idleness is also idleness, let's talk about it. After chatting, I found that Uncle Jian was also a reader.

When he heard that I was going to try my luck at Gongsun Ignorant of Qi, he frowned. I asked, "What?" Uncle Jian said, "You have also seen the affairs of the Song Kingdom, can the usurpation of the throne have a good end?" You are tired of living, and you dare to mix with this kind of person! ”

I was a timid person, listening to Uncle Jian's words, I was almost not scared to pee, my legs were weak, and I no longer dared to take a step closer to Qi Guo. ("Chronicles of the States of the Eastern Zhou Dynasty": Uncle Jian: The first king has a son outside, ignorance is not a separation, and it will be impossible in the end.) Xi Nai stop. )

To tell the truth, I was purely frightened at that time, and I really didn't think that Uncle Jian's prediction would come true! Not long after, Gongsun died ignorantly under the chaotic knife, which really scared me.

Because I had nowhere to go, I had to live in Uncle Jian's house for the time being. But I was also embarrassed to eat and drink like this, and after constant inquiry, I finally got a gossip message - the prince was looking for someone to help him raise cattle. This man was the younger brother of King Tianzi of Zhou, who especially liked to watch bullfighting, and was a noble brother who did not learn any skills.

The interview was accompanied by Uncle Jian, who looked at the prince and frowned. My head buzzed, and my heart said, this dude is not going to crow's mouth again.

Sure enough, when he came out of the house, he said, "I see that this man is unreliable, so you still don't want to do it here." ”

This time I was not frightened, after all, it has been three or four years since I came out of the house, and it is too bad to do nothing, and the effect of the interview is also good. In this way, I ignored Uncle Jian's bitter persuasion and entered the post honorably.

Don't look down on the breeder, this is a position within the system of the Eight Classics. I like this job very much, I am also very good at it, and I am idle, the salary is also very high, and I can save a few years of money to take my daughter-in-law and the baby to run together.

But it backfired, and before I could save enough money, the prince was idle and rebellious, and as a result, his head fell to the ground. As a low-level back-office worker, I was not implicated in anything, but my job was lost, and the family's dream of running a well-off was declared bankrupt. ("Spring and Autumn Zuo Clan Biography : The Twenty-first Year of Zhuang Gong")

Is this my natural misfortune, or is it the mouth of an uncle crow? I TM am about to become a company killer, where to go bankrupt! ---------------------------------------

I lost my job and had to go to Uncle Jian again. Home can not go back, promised the daughter-in-law will give her a happy life, but the result is mixed into this bird,who has the face to see her.

As a buddy, Uncle Jian was quite interesting, and seeing that I had a tendency to develop depression, he decided to pull me along.

That day, I was looking at the falling autumn leaves in a daze, and he came over and said, "Brother, work on this, my brother can help you." We really don't have much to do with large companies, but small companies still have some connections. ”

In this way, on the recommendation of Uncle Jian's friend, I finally had my first decent job - to go to YuGuo as a civilian official. Yu is a small country, and among many nations, it is considered to be the last existence.

But no matter how small the company is, it also needs to be assessed, but the exam is my strong point, so it is easy to pass. As for work experience, Yu Guojun also expressed satisfaction, after all, we have also worked for the royal family.

Just when I was happily showing the work permit I had just issued to Uncle Jian - yes, he began to crow again: "This Yu Guojun is a bit two, a vain and greedy guy, and he has no insight, and it is estimated that sooner or later there will be an accident!" ”

I'm a little depressed: the job is still what you helped find, and now when you say this, is it a bit of a slap in the face? But I know that being a buddy is also a piece of kindness.

Again and again two no more three, who will always be so back! - I just muttered and took up my post.

The days in Yuguo were very good. Because the country is small, there are no major events happening all year round, and almost every day is to go to work after punching the clock and leaving work. Sometimes the monarch is in a good mood, he talks nonsense, and generally does not take more than half an hour to have no words.

The days were very idle. Occasionally remembering what Uncle Jian had said before, I couldn't help but feel that he was really a little nervous.

At this point, I have been away from home for more than twenty years.

I have not forgotten the promise I made to my daughter-in-law, but the world of this Dog Day is full of war and famine, the village has long been ruined, and the daughter-in-law and the children are gone.

With my sadness and boredom, the time soon reached 655 BC, and then life once again made me understand what "bad luck urges".

But this time it wasn't as simple as losing a job, because I almost lost my life. A sensational event that has been passed down through the ages is about to happen...

Bai Li Xi and Uncle Jian: The most famous unlucky egg and crow mouth in the Spring and Autumn Period

03, sad urge

At this moment, the world is very different from when I was young, and the most important change is that there is a very obvious division of strength and weakness among the princes, and the most important thing is the sudden rise of the Duke of Qi Huan. Under the guidance of his chancellor Guan Zhong, this peerless fierce man set many rules for the princes, thus greatly reducing the war chaos.

But the rules are all set for honest people, and special treatment must exist, such as Jinguo.

The State of Jin was considered a traditional power of the Eastern Zhou Dynasty, and in recent years, under the tutelage of the famous Xiang Guan Zhong, the strength of the State of Qi had increased too quickly, so it was suppressed. The current reigning Jin Monarch is a gong, who belongs to the cool personality of not being able to hold the fire when he meets people, and he is uncomfortable without beating people for more than a month.

In this case, Qi Huangong turned a blind eye, after all, people openly recognized his Status as a Bearer of the Eastern Zhou Dynasty, and the face of this thing was given to each other.

Therefore, the small countries around the Jin State were unlucky, and in three days there were people who were maimed and beaten at both ends, and as the territory expanded, the murderous eyes of the Jin Xiangong were aimed at the Yu State that had just bordered him. Really bad luck!

With the strength of the Jin State, it was a matter of minutes to destroy the Yu State, but the Jin Xiangong played a trick in the matter of drawing people. One day, he sent a diplomat to give Yu Guojun a big gift, not much, but very valuable - many horses, some beautiful jade.

Don't underestimate these things, in the following thousands of years, BMW and Jade have always been the best of gifts, and gold and silver are very inferior things. Of course, my boss was happy, and before anyone could say it, he took the initiative to ask: Is there anything that needs help?

That must be there! The diplomat quickly conveyed the meaning of Jin Xiangong—that is, he wanted to borrow a way to beat up the country.

It was also a small country, adjacent to the other side of the Kingdom of Yu. "No problem!" My boss didn't even say to discuss it with everyone, so he slapped it on the board. ("Spring and Autumn Zuo Clan Biography · Duke II": Jin Xun Xi please take the multiplication of yield, and the bi of the weeping thorn, the false way to Yu To cut the qi.) )

Bai Li Xi and Uncle Jian: The most famous unlucky egg and crow mouth in the Spring and Autumn Period

Can such a thing be agreed? When the Jin State destroyed the State of Yu, wouldn't the Yu State, which was originally sandwiched between the two countries, be surrounded by the Jin State on all sides? Besides, how can you not open your own door and let a habitual bandit with a bad track hang out in the courtyard. What a stupid thing to do!

I eat public meals, and I can't always pretend to be stupid when things go wrong, so I submitted a joint opinion with a colleague named Gong Zhiqi, hoping that the boss can stop dying.

Remember, don't work for an SB boss. Our worries about the country and the people have been exchanged for a stink of thunder and fireworks.

In this way, the Jin army swung through the inside of the Yu kingdom, and then after four months of PK, gave the yu country to KO. At the end of the war, a large number of booty was delivered to Yu Guojun again--Jin Guoguo felt that it was too troublesome to take a detour home, and wanted to borrow the Dao again.

The boss immediately called us to lecture: Look at how generous people are, come and go twice, you are really too careful!

No one argued with him anymore this time. After work, everyone went home and waited for death.

I still remember the day of the accident. At the invitation of the general of the Jin Dynasty, Yu Guojun went on a wild trip to the countryside. He carried a broken bow and arrow around to pick up rabbits, and when he turned back coldly, he found that his house was burning with smoke.

Until he was in prison, he kept muttering: Why! Why?

In 655 BC, the Jin Dynasty destroyed Yu in one day. This TM is a joke.

Well, some of the passages that circulated later, like what kind of lips are dead and cold, false Yu Que Is gone, are all about this broken thing.

Because there was almost no resistance, the Jin army did not carry out massacres, but as a state administrator, I was doomed and taken as a slave, the so-called slave of the subjugated country.

I was first sent to the Jin State for labor reform, and before long, I was transferred to the Qin State.

Don't look at the history of Qin's founding of the country for more than a hundred years, but it is a rising star among the princes, and its strength is quite good, and the Jin State wants to have a good relationship with it. Multiple friends and multiple paths.

According to our Chinese custom, to pull relations, we have to engage in objects, so a princess of the Jin state was married to the Qin state. And a slave like me, who understands civilization and politeness, has become a small prop to show the image of the country, and has naturally been incorporated into the dowry team.

In fact, I don't care about falling from well-off to extreme poverty, anyway, I have long been accustomed to bad luck, but I am now in my sixties, and I can't say that I will burp one day, and I really don't want to die as a slave without dignity. Therefore, on a dark and windy night in the middle of the month, I instigated other slaves to start a riot.

Taking advantage of the chaos, I fled. I really didn't expect that this would lead to a major international diplomatic event, and for the first time in my life, I was on the front of history.

04. Transshipment

When I came out of the camp, I couldn't tell the difference between east and west, south, and north, so I ran desperately, for fear of being caught and killed.

Just like that, I started a trail run without a destination. Finally, I was stopped by a group of strange people in strange costumes, all speaking languages that I didn't understand, and it took a while to figure it out - Nima... I actually ran to the Chu kingdom thousands of miles away!

There were no games in those years, otherwise I would have swept the senior group in the long-distance running event.

Located in the middle and lower reaches of the Yangtze River, far from the Central Plains where I live, the culture of Chu is extremely different, and there is also serious regional discrimination between them.

Well, in short, I was flattened at first glance as a northerner. Then I was subjected to a strict scrutiny, and they quickly confirmed that I, the bad old man, was not a spy, but was prepared to kill me on the principle that it was better to be wronged than misplaced.

Of course, I had to fight, so I strongly demanded a talent show, and then I was taken to the cattle pen and started my old profession - breeder. At the very least, he saved his old life.

At that time, I did not despair, nor did I hope anymore, and fully accepted the fate of the guests dying in other places. But the charm of fate is that you can never guess the ending. I actually transferred! Here's how it started —

I was feeding the cattle that day when I was suddenly caught by the soldiers and thrown into the prison cart. I wasn't scared, I was just a little curious as to why.

But no one heeded my questions, and the prison cart creaked toward the northwest. It seems that this is going abroad again! I looked at the people escorting the car and sighed.

My life as a prisoner ended immediately after leaving the borders of the Chu State, and as soon as I stepped out of the prison cart, I was treated with VIP-level courtesy, which made me a little confused.

But more magic is yet to come. After wading through mountains and rivers, I was taken to the Qin Kingdom. At first, I thought that this was to hold me responsible for escaping, and everything on the road was only out of humanitarian concern, but soon, Mu Gong of the Qin State announced his decision to deal with me:

He was conferred the post of Minister of State to assist him in handling his own affairs, large and small.

What the? I've been looking for a good job all my life and it came so suddenly?

Seeing the confusion on my face, Mu Gong quickly explained to me the reason for the incident: it turned out that he had already taken a fancy to me.

Over the years, although I have repeatedly encountered a wall in my search for a job, my fame has broken out, so that even Mu Gong, the head of state, knows it. Before I heard that there was me in the dowry team sent by Jin Guo, he was ready to take me in, but unfortunately I ran halfway.

Later, after a long-term inquiry and search by the intelligence agencies of the Qin State, it was found that I had been exiled to the Chu State. Therefore, in the name of trying the fugitives, the State of Qin proposed an extradition agreement to the State of Chu, as compensation, and also gave some gifts - five ram skins, which happened to be the price of a slave.

Mu Gong was a little embarrassed to say this, explaining: I was afraid that King Chu Cheng would blackmail me before I dared to give a high price, and I was also afraid that he would find your value. ("History of Qin Benji": Miao Gongwen Baili Daixian, wanting to redeem it again, fearing that the Chu people would not be with him, but making people call It Chu Yue: "My concubine Baili Is in Yan, please redeem it with five sheepskins.") The Chu people agreed with him. When it was, the hundred mile was more than seventy years old. )

Accustomed to seeing the ups and downs of the world, I can't even think about this little thing. Go when the official goes!

In this way, in the last few years of my life, I rejuvenated the second spring of my career. At this time, the situation in the nations underwent new changes, after the death of the overlord Qi Huangong, there was a brief struggle between the nations, and then a new generation of bearers - Jin Wengong - this person's experience was similar to mine, but not so miserable as me, only wandering for nineteen years and turning over.

It was precisely because of his strong rise that Mu Gong was forced to launch the talent reserve plan.

Bai Li Xi and Uncle Jian: The most famous unlucky egg and crow mouth in the Spring and Autumn Period

It is foolish to die with the Jin Dynasty in the middle of the sky, and Taoguang is the best policy. Therefore, soon after I joined the company, I recommended my confidant friend to Mu Gong, Uncle Jian.

At first, it didn't attract Mu Gong's attention, but after I told him about uncle Jian's crow mouth, he couldn't help but exclaim: This is a talent! After finishing his speech, he immediately sent someone with a heavy gift to invite Uncle Jian out of the mountain.

I don't know whether it was Because of Mu Gong or me, Uncle Jian really ended his decades of seclusion and came to the Qin Kingdom to serve as a doctor.

When we saw each other again after many years, we hugged and cried, laughing and watching each other's white hair flutter in the wind.

Dude, we know each other! As I said at the beginning, the so-called "guan bao friendship" is everywhere in our time, and there is nothing surprising at all.

Of course, after Uncle Jian came to the Qin Kingdom, he did not control his crow's mouth, and I was no longer timid, and often fought with him with Mu Gong. Fortunately, Mu Gong is a good boss, although he occasionally makes mistakes, but he will change his mistakes when he knows them, and he will never lack heart and eyes. Working for such a boss is not worth every day! I know that the Qin Kingdom will eventually shake the world.

My story is about to end, but I believe many people still remember what I said when I left home - when I am developed, I will come back to pick you up!

Oh, no matter how difficult life is, you can also have a happy reunion ending, as long as you insist on not giving up! That day, according to me, I had been away from home for 40 years, and I was working in the house when I heard someone outside the wall singing and cursing me:

Baili Xi, five sheepskins! When reminiscing, cook the female, scoop the yellow, and cook. What is the rich and noble today?

Bai Li Xi, five sheepskins, father liang meat, son crying hunger. Husband embroidery, wife huan clothes. Woohoo! Rich and noble?

Baili Xi, five sheepskins. Once upon a time, the King walked and I cried. On this day, the King sits and I leave. Woohoo! Rich and noble? ——" Lefu Poetry Collection: Five Sheepskin Songs

I froze. Of course, the only person who can count the past and write this song is my wife!

In the chaotic world, I was looking for her, and she was looking for me, year after year. Looking outside the door of the mansion, the old woman with a slender figure was incomparably beautiful in my eyes...

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