"Our habit of serving children is not only enslaving them, but also dangerous, because it can easily suffocate their spontaneous activity and sense of independence, and stifle their very useful initiative and creativity."
—Maria Montessori
<h1 class="pgc-h-arrow-right" data-track="13" > don't always put your child first</h1>
In the neighborhood where I live, there are two elderly people who impress me, because every evening they will appear at the door of the community on time, rain or shine - to pick up the eldest grandson from school.
Uncle Zhang's grandson is enrolled in a private middle school, the distance between home and school is about 5 kilometers, the child takes the school bus to and from school every day, the school bus pick-up point is about 50 meters from the entrance of the community bus stop, and the distance between the building where he lives is less than 50 meters away from the entrance of the community, on this distance of one hundred meters, every day Uncle Zhang has to personally pick up, he said that he is worried that the child is not safe to cross the road alone, and the second is that the child is bent by the heavy school bag.
Several times, I saw Uncle Zhang hunched over his back and hunched over his grandson's school bag, while his 173cm tall grandson was nibbling on bread and drinking milk, leisurely walking in front of his grandfather, who was half a foot shorter than him.
I can't bear to look at that picture.
Uncle Li's eldest grandson is also in the first year of junior high school this year, and the school and the community are separated by a street. In order to save time, Uncle Li makes four round trips a day.
Although Uncle Li is tall and tall, riding with the wind, he always sees his grandson, who is a member of the school basketball team, sitting behind his head with a school bag, which feels particularly contrary.
Of course, the way these two families love their children is by no means limited to picking them up and dropping off at school. Surprisingly, their parents are busy with work, and grandparents are responsible for the family's affairs, and usually the children are taken care of at home except for studying and playing.
As long as they do a good job in their studies, they are the great heroes of the family.
The food at home is prepared according to the child's preferences, and even small things such as squeezing toothpaste, parents have done it for them, which is called improving efficiency...
Children who are raised in such a way who are cared for in every detail cannot adapt when they encounter collective life. During the summer vacation, the Li family participated in the closed training of the basketball team, and according to the regulations, all residential schools were during the training period.
The family took the lead in nervousness, all kinds of uneasy, the day of entering the school, the big bag and the move, but he only stayed one night and then called home, saying that the bed board was too hard, there were mosquitoes in the room, could not sleep at all, anyway must apply to go home to live ...
In many families in China, although the meticulousness of taking care of children varies, without exception, they like to put their children first, take care of them, and pamper themselves to raise many "little ancestors".
Spirited Away
Or restrict children everywhere in the name of love:
You can't run, you can't jump, you can't climb high, because it's dangerous;
You can't pour boiling water yourself, you can't cut the fruit yourself, because you will hurt yourself;
You don't try to get into the kitchen to help, you're going to break my dishes, get the water all over the floor, disrupt my rhythm...
Parents create a greenhouse and make a "mold" for their child's growth, so that the child may grow up to be well-behaved, but also like a "marionette" without thought and creativity.
<h1 class="pgc-h-arrow-right" data-track="67" > "Baby, can you stand up alone?" </h1>
This is a scene from Miyazaki's Spirited Away, how ironic!
But in real life, there is no shortage of similar parents -
In "The Teenager Says", a sophomore girl shouted to her family: "I don't want to become a so-called learning machine, nor do I want to be a 'high businessman and low energy', and I don't want to be a 'nibbling old man', I hope you can let go of your hand and let me be independent!" ”
Girls who are already in their second year of high school, to what extent they are spoiled and protected, can make the audience in an uproar!
Let the host Liang Tian exclaim: "There is really such a child now, completely unimaginable." ”
For the sake of comparison, let's first take a look at what 4-7 year olds can try to learn to do .
Every little baby is under the patient guidance of parents, trying and training again and again, and constantly unlocking new skills.
Maria Montessori said:
"We tend to treat toddlers like puppets, wash them, feed them, as if they were rag dolls, and we always keep thinking that toddlers don't do things and don't know how to do them.
However, children do have to be able to do something.
Nature has given them the physical conditions to perform various activities, and it has also given them the wisdom to learn how to carry out activities, and our responsibility to them in any case is to help them complete the beneficial activities that they should complete, so that children can self-direct, self-correct, and obtain satisfaction with their own achievements. ”
Parents love their children, and they should be far-reaching.
Teaching children the ability to take care of themselves is the most basic obligation of parents.
And this family is very strange, the child will not use chopsticks, just give a spoon, as soon as it is time to eat, the family will not stop to put vegetables into her bowl, she just eats. What happened?
It was her sophomore year of high school, and she still didn't use chopsticks very well.
From childhood to adulthood, it was her parents who helped her dress, until the second year of junior high school, the family tried to let her wear it herself;
In the second year of high school, go out with classmates during the day, and parents must insist on pick-up;
Her family did not allow her to do anything, even plugged in a power supply, afraid that she would accidentally electrocute, until a few days before the recording of the show, her parents began to let her pour hot water herself...
Sixteen or seventeen-year-old flower girl, it is the time to love beauty, girls of the same age already have their own aesthetic power, will choose a variety of clothes suitable for themselves, and she does not even know what the model of clothing is.
When children of the same age can make up their own minds, she has to decide even the small things of her parents.
In the end, how does this family think, and it is even possible to spoil the spoiling to the end in a high degree of unity!
The girl's mother explained the reason, it turned out that in order to protect the fetus, the whole summer, this mother in addition to the birth examination and the bathroom, did not get out of bed, did not take a bath.
"Girl, how hard your life has come!" Mother conceived you much harder than others, from the time she conceived you to the time you were born, the hardships paid could not be expressed in words. ”
Because it is not easy to come by, if you get the most precious treasure, you especially cherish and love it.
However, parents are never able to provide a lifetime of shelter for their children. One day, the child needs to face the storm of her own life alone, and she grew up in such a vacuum environment, even if her grades are excellent, it is only what she calls "learning machine" and "high business and low energy".
Remember that genius teenager Wei Yongkang? At the age of 17, he became the youngest master of the Chinese Academy of Sciences, but in the end he was persuaded by the school because he could not live independently, and no parent would want his children to have the same experience, right?
Thankfully, under the girl's statement, her family (mom and dad and grandma) are deeply aware of their love over, and after that, with the family's letting go, the girl still has a way to learn to be independent.
I hope that her future life will be normal and smooth!
<h1 class="pgc-h-arrow-right" data-track="118" > written at the end</h1>
The importance of family education is known to everyone on the earth, but how to educate children is the most correct way?
Confucius said that "teaching according to aptitude", every child has his own unique personality and talent, and no one method is universal and suitable for every family.
However, we can at least reach a consensus:
Parents' over-arranged list-style childhood, excessive doting and control, is a kind of harm.
There was a TED talk where speaker Julie Lythcott-Haims talked about "checklist-style life" that deserves parents' reflection.
Our over-help, over-protection, and over-caring deprive children of the opportunity to build their own energy efficiency, and children need to think, plan, decide, act, expect, experiment, make mistakes, dream, and experience more for their own lives.
Loving children is an instinct of parents.
How to properly provide the most moderate love is a kind of ability, which as a parent needs to constantly learn and grasp.
Learning to dissolve their anxiety and desire for control, so that children can complete their self-growth in experience and feeling, in the end, is also a kind of love fulfillment!
Encourage you!
——Thanks for reading——
I am Chen's mother, on the road to parenting, you and I go together. Welcome to follow, like, leave a message.
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