The famous "Love In" trilogy was filmed by director Richard Linklater, namely "Love Before the Dawn Breaks", "Love at Sunset and Dusk", and "Love Before Midnight". The three films were shot in 1995, 2004 and 2013, and each of the two films was separated by nine years, for a total of 18 years.
The score of the three movies has always been maintained at 8.8 points on Douban, and has occupied the TOP250 of Douban movies for many years. It is a classic, some people say that after the "Love in" trilogy, there is no more love film.
The three films are separated by 9 years, telling us about the couple's 18-year emotional experience. In these three films, the male protagonist has always been Ethan Hawke, and the female protagonist has always been Julie Delpe.
The American boy Jesse and the French girl Selena, first met on a train in Vienna, spent a romantic night together, fell in love with each other, so they met again after 1 year, but unfortunately missed.
When they thought they were going to lose each other completely, fate met them in Paris again 9 years later, but this encounter was still not able to be together. After another 9 years, the two have renewed their old relationship and formed a transnational family.
The "Love in" trilogy shows us the best of love and the most perfect ending. But it also made me see how difficult the process from the beginning to the end is. If two people do not make efforts and only rely on fate, what is the survival rate of this relationship? Is love really enough by fate alone?
Love comes, accepts, and then goes with the flow. Together, it means that the two have a relationship and will not be separated. If it is a breakup, it is a fate, and everything is in vain.
Is this really the case? Not.
After love comes, we must be clear about its development process, but also need to be carefully managed, this relationship will have a good result.
Today, from the perspective of sociology, we will analyze the three stages of emotional development, as well as the correct way to manage love and treat love.
<h1 class= "pgc-h-arrow-right" > the three stages of love development</h1>
Love is divided into three stages: beginning, development and ending.
In the beginning, the attraction of love is composed of six elements, namely physical attraction, proximity, inducement, reciprocity, similarity, and obstruction.
Sociological research has made it clear that people do not develop feelings for others for no reason, and there must be reasons for attracting each other. These causes usually include: physical temperament attraction; proximity; inducement; reciprocity; similarity and obstruction. This is the sociological explanation behind love at first sight.
We often hear a sentence: appreciation of a person, starting from the appearance, respect for talent, in line with the character, for a long time than kindness, and finally the character. In fact, it is also in line with this process.
At the beginning of the relationship, mutual good feelings are the factors of "physical temperament attraction", because there is good feelings, so they will not reject each other, and then there is "proximity", so a wonderful love story begins.
For Jesse and Celine in the movie, their beginnings are romantic, they have an initial affection for each other, and under this good feeling, there is proximity - romantic encounters on European trains on the way to travel, and, by chance, they are both reading, which undoubtedly adds another point to the so-called "fate". However, although this encounter was beautiful, in reality, they had to leave again.
It was these elements that paved the way for the two to embark on a passionate and dreamy emotional journey that laid the foundation for their subsequent decades of entanglement.
After love begins, it then enters the second stage: the development of love, that is, the process of how to maintain this relationship between the two parties.
For the developmental part, psychologist Baxter proposed the "swing model". In this relationship, he argues, people swing back and forth between three options. The three options are: autonomous or associative; clichéd or fresh; open or closed.
The words in these three options are all opposites, and they also allude to which word we choose, and we will gradually go in which direction.
In the autonomy or association model, it is about whether there is an independent space between two people or a moment of sticking together, this option will be related to which stage of love (hot love or stable), but also closely related to the personality and subjective choices of two people, either party in any form of extreme will produce "discomfort" for the other party.
Too much autonomy, less association, too much association, there is no autonomy, so everything is just right.
The second option of swinging is old-fashioned or fresh, which is the key to the process of emotional development. The regularization of feelings is often the "hidden killer", allowing the years to wear away passion. Freshness can be an "engine", but it requires us to take the initiative to lubricate it.
If you keep the old-fashioned, tedious way to get along, there will be no promotion effect on feelings, and the occasional freshness is the "preservative" and "flavoring agent" of feelings.
The final "open or closed" model refers to whether the two people, whether they are open or closed, still have a strong sense of existence for each other. The sense of existence is the cornerstone of the feeling, and other social relations outside the feeling are the necessities of the long-term relationship.
In the third part of "Love in", the two went on vacation to the southern island of peloponnese in Greece after 9 years of marriage, which is the "love preservation" in marriage.
If a couple stays together all day and has no communication, it is naturally unrealistic. In other communication, we can release emotions and moods, which are things that love cannot give, and these communications and activities are what we call "openness" in this part. But at the same time, you can't ignore your partner, but at the same time take into account your partner's emotions and let the other party feel a sense of existence.
If a relationship can be balanced in these three relationships, it can often stabilize and have a good outcome.
The result of love is to break up.
Feelings do not last forever, they are bound to end. It's just that the way it ends will be different. The book mentions several ways to end it: couples break up, couples divorce, affair breaks up, and one party dies. Therefore, the so-called eternity is the eternity that lives in your memory, not the existence in reality.
When you can calmly accept the end of a relationship, then the relationship is truly over. You will also start a new life.
<h1 class= "pgc-h-arrow-right" > way to manage love and treat love correctly</h1>
Professor Sun Zhongxing mentioned in "The Sociology of Love":
Both lovers should be like diamonds, have their own independent and complete appearance, have their own one of the largest facets, what we want to pursue is our own face and each other's face to the maximum fit. It seems that two people are one, but in fact they are independent of each other and remain separated.
The advantage of this state is that people with a "diamond love view" will not become smaller in their self-role after falling out of love, and they will not lower their evaluation of themselves and me, which is the source of "security" in feelings.
Love will eventually go from passionate to flat, how to keep ourselves independent, not too attached to the partner, this is what we need to do.
In the third part of "Love In", in their second 9 years, they are finally together, have twin daughters, and settle down in Paris.
Jesse and Selena are already middle-aged. Jesse has become a middle-aged uncle with a beard, and Selena has lost the graceful figure she first saw.
On their last day on the southern island of the Peloponnese in Greece, Jesse and Selena walked through the quiet villages of Serenity, where they had not been together for so long, discussing literature, love, life, and gender topics. But this harmonious picture did not last long, and in the later relationship, their passion was worn away by trivialities. To this end, Selena slammed the door and left.
Finally, after listening to Jesse read a letter, Selena's face finally showed a smile, and she could see that Jesse was trying to reconcile, and the two sides were compromising.
Love will eventually return to plainness, passion will eventually melt in chai rice oil and salt, but love will always be hidden in the heart, which is also the truest look of love. As Jesse said, if you want true love, then true love is here, it's not perfect, but the reality is.
Therefore, the way to treat love also needs to abide by "one rule": treat equally and fight together. In a state of mutual equality, you can show your true self and strive for the future together with your partner.
Working together is the key to maintaining the vitality of a good relationship, which involves both parties having common life goals in values, common interests in hobbies, and common topics in language, only in this way can we experience this relationship and get the desired happiness.
Any relationship, if it goes with the flow, will not have the results you want. If you really love her, let's work together, manage it well, and love it well.