Text | Hee-hee edit | Mountain moon backyard, good as water
Fate seems to like to joke with people.
Sometimes, the jokes of fate are like thunder, shocking people to lose their souls; sometimes, the jokes of fate are opportunities for you to examine yourself and be reborn in nirvana.
The two families, who originally followed their existing life trajectories and moved forward smoothly, suddenly learned that the children they raised were mistakenly changed by the reasons that could not be identified.
In the face of blood, affection, and nurturing, how should they choose? Anger, unwillingness, entanglement... How to resolve complex emotions?
The book "Like Father Like Son" jokes about the fate of the protagonist Nono Miya, who experiences the fate of "wrong child".
From only caring for his own feelings, intending to obtain custody of 2 children, to the story of experiencing a series of events, releasing the pain of his childhood misfortune, and finally making blood and emotional choices.
The book is thought-provoking around three themes:
Throughout our lives, we are healing the wounds of childhood; in family education, parents are the best teachers of children; beyond blood, it is the emotions that cannot be separated from each other day after day.
01 Throughout our lives, we are healing the wounds of childhood
The protagonist of this book, by his own efforts, is in his 30s, working as a backbone of the best construction company in Tokyo and buying an apartment in Tokyo.
He has a wife who takes good care of his life, has an obedient child, and everything seems so happy.
But as the story deepens, many conceits, control, and psychological defects are gradually unveiled.
Liangduo has been working hard and has not handled the relationship between family and work well, but he still does not know it, and feels that material guarantees are his greatest contribution to the family.
Once, when talking to his wife Lu about spending more time with his children on weekends, He subconsciously put in:
"When the project is over, you can find time."
Hanging on to her lips, the wife's response was:
"You've been saying this for 6 years."
This triggered a lot of thinking, looking back on the state of life for 6 years, he found that he had long since lost what a rest day was, and the number of times a family of three went out together was countless.
In daily life, many people also have a strong desire to control their families. He arranged the responsibilities of everyone in the family:
The wife is responsible for the housework and the children; the child Qingduo has a set of rules for what to learn, what to play, and what to eat every day.
For this reason, the wife Green has a little resistance, thinking that the structure of a family of three is an isosceles triangle, very stable.
But Ryodo is the high apex, while Midori and son Gyeongta are the bottom.
After learning that Kyanto is not his own child, Liangduo is also bent on going his own way, because of the minister's words:
"Come here."
The idea of getting custody of two children came to mind, but he didn't consult with his wife at all, only one sentence:
"Leave it to me."
However, in the end, it was screwed up.
He didn't even think about communicating with his wife, what the family needed, what her heart longed for, he didn't care, and the result was embarrassing for the two families.
Through the following article, we will find that a lot of conceited personality, neglect of the psychological activities of family members, and material pursuits come largely from the life encounters in the original family.
In elementary school, many parents divorced, and their father's alcoholism and stock trading led to the deterioration of the family's economic conditions, which made many people sensitive and fragile.
The displacement and uneasiness of life and the lack of love from the family are the biggest reasons for him to ignore the inner feelings of his family members after he became a family, and it is also the source of motivation for his desperate work.
Many of his struggles with life, such as completing his studies on his own, finding a well-paid job, buying a house in Tokyo, and rising to the elite, made him extremely conceited.
But at the same time, he also has a hatred for his original family in his heart, which makes him unable to get along with his father and cannot call his stepmother "mother" for more than ten years.
Because of this, many seemingly happy and flawless families are actually hiding crises.
The lack of self-sufficiency of wives and children, and the lack of spiritual communication among family members, even if it is not the occurrence of this wrong exchange, there will be other opportunities to make this crisis erupt.
02 Family education, parents are the best teachers for children
The second highlight of this book is the comparison between two families who have mistakenly changed children. From this, we can find that parents teach by word and deed, which has a great impact on children's cognition, words and deeds.
Let's start with two very different home environments:
NonoMiya family:
Japan's elite families, male and female, the husband is strong, the wife is weak; the economic foundation is good, and the material wealth is abundant.
They are meticulous in their lives and strict in their family rules; the education of their children is to plan well, pave the way, and let the children develop according to the established route of their parents.
Saiki's house:
In rural Japanese families, both husband and wife have to work part-time on weekends; they are financially strapped and have 3 children.
There are no house rules in their homes, no formalities, and the family is harmonious and harmonious; the education of children is to release nature and go with the flow.
Affected by the family environment, the two children who were mistakenly exchanged also have very different personalities:
Nomiya's Keita is obedient, polite, and observant, but due to the strength of his father and the weakness of his mother, his personality is gentle and indisputable.
This is also the reason why the father Liangduo felt that "no wonder it is so" when he received the news that the child was mistakenly replaced, and Gyeongdo's personality is too different from his.
Ryuharu of the Saiki family, lively and active, more stubborn, more self-sufficient in life, does not know any etiquette, but loves his younger siblings.
He is more assertive in his work, and after exchanging to live in the Nono Palace family, although he feels that the material conditions are very good, he still feels that his own nest is the best place.
It is not difficult for us to see that due to the influence of the family environment, the reason why Gyeongdo will make Ryota feel different from himself is that he lacks the stubbornness and perseverance in his character.
It's more because of my mother's hearing. Being cared for by the love of the mother every day, people will naturally become soft.
And many strict requirements for Gyeongta's study and life details have led to Gyeongta learning to suppress his nature and strive to become an obedient child in order to satisfy his father.
After Gideo's first exchange to the Saiki family, the male owner of the Saimu family is a man with a big heart, an optimistic, talkative, and well-known person, and often has neighbors in the countryside who go to saimu's house to chat.
This made Gyeongdo feel very fresh, because the original family made him think:
"Adults don't have friends, Mom has no friends, and Dad doesn't."
It can be seen that the original family has greatly affected the child's cognition of the world.
Because of the parents, it will make the child feel that adults should be busy with their own work, no socializing, no friends.
03 What is beyond blood is the emotion of not being able to get along day after day
The story culminates after the two families finally decide to swap their children back.
The connection of blood cannot replace the emotions of getting along day and night, and the child's emotions are more simple, so it is more difficult to accept the fact that the "parents" have been changed.
At this time, we see that the naughty Liu Qing has become naughty, only hoping that he has made a mistake, and now his "parents" do not like him, so they can let him go home.
The polite and gentle Kyotho begins to become melancholy in the new family, which is a kind of sadness of being "abandoned".
The parents of the two families, in the face of the return of blood relatives, also showed diametrically opposite and natural reactions.
In the Nonomiya family, his father carefully formulated A4 paper-sized house rules for him in order to welcome his "own son".
Only because in the process of contact, I feel that Liu Qing's behavior habits are inappropriate, unlike the children of elite families.
And the mother, Green, also began to try to accept the child, wanted to knit him a sweater, but it was always difficult to form. Green is reluctant to celebrate much, but many are not.
The Saiki family, the couple is worried about Ryu Qing, trying to tolerate and accept their own son Qingduo, caring for him very much, and wanting to let the child out of the sad emotions.
So, does Liangduo really not love Qingduo?
The turning point occurred after many unexpected visits, the initiator of the "wrong child exchange" incident, the obstetric nurse Shoko of the year.
As a stepmother, Shoko deliberately transferred two children due to her dissatisfaction with life and jealousy of many families.
And when Liangduo knocked on the door of Xiangzi's house, the stepson who caused Xiangzi a headache at that time bravely blocked in front of his mother.
This makes a lot of people feel like a head-to-head drink, is it true that he has been cold to his stepmother Shinko for many years?
Isn't kinship without blood relations intimate? Why did Shoko's stepson stand in her way?
The second turning point, when Ryota picks up the camera to look for memories, it is the last time the two families gather, and Kyanto asks for the camera, but does not take the camera with him.
It seems that Gyeongta anticipated that he might never see his father again, and took many pictures.
Bit by bit, it was a photo of Many in the heart of his son Qingduo, and it was the attachment that Qingduo wanted to express to Liangduo.
Until this time, the softness of the heart was touched, and it was difficult to control a lot of emotions, and finally understood what I wanted in my heart.
The next day, before he could eat breakfast, he took Ryuharu with him and went to Saimu's house.
When Ryodo hugs Gyeongta again, confides his thoughts about Gyeongta, and admits that he is an incompetent father, Gyeongta hugs him as well.
At this moment, there are many emotions, want to strengthen the exchange between the two families, want a bigger car, and the two families go camping together...
The apartment in Tokyo seems to be less satisfied at this time, and the house of the mother-in-law in the country is back in front of me.
In this book, we are inspired by many points, when faced with the choice between blood kinship and long-term relationship, do not:
"Only blood is relatives".
Don't make choices that hurt your child's feelings.
For example, Gyeongta and Ryuharu, they are actually victims of accidents.
Love and innocence can make children choose to forgive, but the wound of being "abandoned" by their parents who have been together for six years will not be easily brushed away.
I hope that you and I who read this book, whether we are parents or raising children in the future, can understand:
The best education is to lead by example, and the best love is companionship.
Thank you for the guidance this book has given us, and hope that we can be a good parent in the future.
END
Illustration | composed
This article was first published in "Mountain Moon Shop", the original is not easy, plagiarism must be investigated.