He was crying, a bit of a mess.
He was a boy, but he didn't seem to be sparing tears. Just watched the comedies that I have seen many times again - "The Strange Adventure of the Immortals" and "The King of Comedy".
Perhaps it has been more depressed in the heart, and finally released the unbearable nameless irritability and impulse.
I always wanted to cry once, bitterly, quietly alone, but couldn't find the exact reason. The division is nameless, stop.
He was easily moved, a scene, a picture, an action, even a thing, a song.
So he often wept while watching TV. When I watched "Star Wish" for the second time in college, the female student next to him sighed, and he always preached that he did not believe in those "deceptive things".
I always felt like a woman, sometimes delicate and even sensitive.
Half of men are women. A proverb that has been refined.
Growing up, to be sure, it is everything that happened after the accident of the eldest brother that made him somewhat unfazed, or the worldly world that he was helpless to get rid of, and then to be sure that he became a little indifferent.
At least he knew a lot of things he couldn't do, maybe a lifetime was just a beautiful dream.
For example, saving 200 to 300 yuan a year from Tooth Fengzhong to help a child in a mountainous area to study, for example, in the future, to become famous, he will create a fund to help the poor.
He rarely spoke to people about his ideas, and before they were realized it was only conceived.
In fact, he is saving from his teeth every day, and usually he will walk five or six stops or farther to save one dollar on the bus.
This is good for his health, he consoled himself.
Pay off debts, buy things for parents and family, rarely take their turn, a pair of torn jeans that they sew by themselves are still reluctant to lose, always wear military uniforms when they go out, although they like it, but there is no clothes to replace.
I feel that I have been somewhat wronged.
Whenever he sees the bustling street scene outside the car window, this grievance becomes a psychological imbalance, where does he go? He said to his mother: Mom, don't worry about the future. It's not just a sentence.
Seeing those beggars or picking up rags, he felt some comfort in his heart, but it was also these comforts that made him more sour, throwing him a coin saved by not taking the bus, not daring to look at it more, they made him respect like a father and brother, and also reminded him of his parents and brothers and sisters.
He loved his family very much, loved them very much, was afraid that one day he would suddenly lose them, and always wanted to sympathize with them and protect them in the best possible way. I often say goodbye to my parents in my sleep, and my eyes are tears. He often thought: I really hope that his parents will not be particularly miserable after a hundred years. As for him, he is still very young and has more opportunities.
Buy things in big bags and small bags, but never for yourself. He tightened his belt to accommodate himself.
But he couldn't afford too much, so he returned to Zhengzhou less.
But he never gave up on the truest dream.
But he was lonely.
Bought a lot of books. He believed that everything would slowly get better.
He had many beautiful dreams: to be a white-collar worker with grace and cultivation; to marry a wise wife and honor several elderly people together; to raise a lovely daughter and teach her to study well every day; to be a good son and a good husband and father; to buy a big house; to buy a small car; to travel the world; to live a quiet and tasteful life.
He never gave up, never, and he never stopped, even if he couldn't.
Sister said: Find a girlfriend, she is the most intimate.
He also wanted to imagine her a thousand times: 1 meter 62, average looking, quiet and virtuous, with a beautiful heart that had not yet been fully objectified, and a little patience waiting for him to fight for her. That's all.
The girls he introduced always exceeded his standards, but he never saw people for the second time, and his inner requirements were beautiful and stubborn.
He does not want to go out with his friends, seeing that they are close to his friends, his heart will be more lonely, and when colleagues talk about pure men, he always runs away. Maybe the music could give him some comfort, but sometimes it was it that hollowed out and crushed his heart. Even with some faint hatred for himself, how could he not be a wild lily?
When people read hard in the middle of the night under the quiet light, they will suddenly imagine being with their lover, and they want to talk to her, or they will not say anything together, just stay together. In times of his helplessness and despair, he longed to sleep quietly in her arms like a child. Everything, once in a lifetime, will always belong to her. He even began to believe in fate: if a person's life was really arranged by Heaven, he really wanted to see her, and he really wanted to.
But she wasn't there. He knew she was different from running, gritting her teeth and getting to the finish line. Maybe her arrival would require enough patience, he didn't know if he was patient, he didn't know how long he would have to wait for her.
Occasionally go buy a pack of cigarettes, when your ass can no longer press on the stool. In the dim light, quietly, a man, dressed as a smoker, spat out smoke like a long melancholy choking on his eyes. He wasn't used to tobacco and didn't like to be alone.
But he did not dare to give easily, afraid of hurting her or himself, and did not have time to play with anyone, longing for the real girl in his life to stand in front of him and let him love well, and put the mess before love into a lifetime. He's busy, working, studying, playing basketball, running, laughing with buddies, watching DVDs, listening to music... Stop, and the mind will be lonely.
Maybe an amorous seed just rotted.
Sometimes, he hated him for being sentimental.
He really couldn't predict much of life, even though she was so important to him.
It's just that, very eager, very eager, the Purple Xia Fairy in his life appeared a day earlier, maybe he would love her more than the Supreme Treasure and take care of her twice. Something buried deep for a long time was lifted, tearing the heart and lungs like pain, painfully, quietly, alone, in tears. For the sake of truth? For the sake of truth.
I want to love it, I want to have a spiritual harbor.
Even if it's to make him lose everything.
September 26, 2005