Literature/learning is the treasure of the body
Why should our closest people express love with hate?
This is the theme that the movie "Spring Tide" wants to reveal.
The film tells the story of three generations of grandchildren living together, and in particular, all three generations are women, mothers, daughters, and daughters of daughters (little granddaughters).
The mother is after 50, the daughter is after 70, and the little granddaughter is after 00, which is a film with the mark of the times.
Daughter Guo Jianbo, is a newspaper reporter, strong work ability, but after returning home, in the eyes of her mother is a disobedient daughter, but also an incompetent mother, will smoke, will also put water in the kitchen to flood the living room of the family, the purpose is to evict guests, that is her silent resistance; the mother Ji Minglan, is also a "two-faced faction", in the eyes of outsiders, is the head of the community, virtuous and capable, but back home, in the face of the daughter will say harsh and mean words. In front of the little granddaughter, she became a gentle and considerate grandmother.
The little granddaughter Guo Wanting is an old and good person between her mother and her grandmother, often telling her mother not to talk when she comes home, letting her grandmother, of course, in a depressed family atmosphere, she becomes a sensitive child.
In fact, this tense, depressing, and full of anger family atmosphere, many families will have, a family on the surface looks calm and calm, but in fact, the heart has long been turbulent, and even many times to the moment when the sword is immediately broken.
So, why is that? The family is supposed to be the closest person, why don't they express love well, but instead express it with hate?
Today's article, we will talk about it.
<h1>1. Parents express love with hate because they don't understand what love is</h1>
Many parents will use scolding to prove that they love their children, and even think that the harder they scold, the more painful they are, the more intense their love is, and there is a feeling of hatred that iron is not steel.
That is to say, parents feel that they are not easy, and they have paid so much for their children, and their children cannot be angry.
If the child does not meet their expectations and does not meet their wishes, they will treat the child with hatred as love.
Just like the mother in the film, there is always no good word for her daughter, nor does she give a good face, and its purpose is to "motivate" her daughter to find a decent person and live a good life as she thinks.
It's just that this "encouragement" has a counterproductive effect, when the mother is sick, the daughter said her true words to the window, she said that she is going to go against the mother, what you let me do, I am not, this is a kind of "revenge".
From this point of view, scolding is not really loving children, because such love without respect and understanding is naturally not true love.
<h1>2. Parents express love with hate because they have not been well loved</h1>
A person who has not experienced the feeling of love will not love others.
Like the mother in the film, the reason why she treats her daughter with sarcasm is because she herself has not been treated well.
At the beginning, she married her husband for the city hukou, but she did not like him at all, did not experience the feeling of love, at the same time, she would also think that she did not get a happy life, it was her daughter who was harmed (because she had to take care of the children, there was no way to divorce), and then she had hatred for her daughter subconsciously, so she transferred this hatred to her daughter, spoke ill of her, or vented her dissatisfaction with marriage, or was unfair to her fate, or to her daughter's indisputable counterattack, in short, She herself has not felt loved and loved, and she does not know how to love her daughter.
And her love for her little granddaughter is more like revenge for her daughter, and it is also a means of hate.
Because she snatched her little granddaughter from her daughter, she did not recognize her as involved in the life of taking care of her own daughter.
It can be seen that a person who has not felt love can hardly love others with true love.
<h1>3. Parents' love for their children should be based on the needs of their children</h1>
Many parents agree with "negative education", they are accustomed to using blows to "encourage" children, feel that it is their love for children, at the same time, they will also pay their own contributions to children as chips, once the children do not meet their own requirements, they use "pay or sacrifice" as a reason to blame children, in fact, this is a kind of control.
The true love of parents for their children should be based on the needs of their children, and what they want to give their children is the real love for their children.
First, understand the child, not hit the child.
For her daughter Guo Jianbo, she was unladylike when she was young and forced to give birth to her daughter, she felt guilty about her parents in her heart, at the same time, she also hoped that her parents could understand herself, especially her mother, but her mother did not give her a word of comfort, but instead hit her with various blows, always belittling her in front of outsiders.
The first time she came to menstruation, her mother did not give her warmth, casually said "how to come to this", it was her father who taught her how to fold toilet paper, boil hot water to soak her feet, she realized very early that she was superfluous in her mother's heart, ignored, could not feel the warmth and love, she and her father were superfluous.
It can be seen that only when parents understand their children can they make their children feel love.
Second, encourage the child, not control the child.
In the film, we can't see the mother's encouragement to her daughter, she is always prickly in her words, there are words in words, insinuations, the purpose of which is to control her daughter, thinking that her daughter cannot live without her, but what she does not know is that her daughter has been letting her and enduring her.
Daughter Guo Jianbo said in the monologue at the end of the film: "When you are quiet, the world will be quiet, so let's stay quiet like this for a while." If you wake up you will definitely scold me and curse me in the dirtiest and most vicious language... You want me to start a family and live a decent life, I don't...", in this passage, we can feel the mother's hatred for the daughter, but at the same time, the daughter also hates the mother, and in this way, the two closest people hate each other.
It can be seen that the parents who control their children are not loving their children.
Third, take care of yourself first, and then love your children well.
The family is not a battlefield, and whose victory is not really glory, but the mother in the film does not understand.
And the reason why she didn't realize it was because she didn't deal with her own problems. That is to say, only when a person takes care of himself first can he be willing to take care of others.
When she takes care of herself, she will not have resentment, and she will not have so much hatred for her daughter, because when she has love in her heart, she will have a lot less hatred.
It can be seen that if parents want to love their children well, they need to take care of themselves first.
More importantly, parents do not pass on their hatred to their children, because domestic violence is inherited, and children are likely to change from a victim to an abuser.
In short, in our most intimate relationships, hate is used to express love because they don't know love and can't love.
Love is an ability that needs to be learned, so let's start by loving ourselves!
End of this article
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