Today I saw a friend post a message in the group, a 14-year-old girl jumped off a building, leaving a three-page suicide note full of despair, loneliness and helplessness.
Some friends responded in the group that "they all like to say that children are crazy because of the pressure of learning, but it is obvious that parents are crazy to take the grades too seriously", "the children are too tired to live carefully" And some parents and friends said: "It is worth reflecting on."
My heart will be a little heavy at the moment, but I will also feel regret and sadness, a fresh life, the years of the flower season, what a sensible child, alas!
What children need is love, not scolding and accusation, parents treat children like this to make children feel that they are oppressed, can not feel the love of parents, but also can not feel the warmth of the world, as a child, is a weak individual, is in need of protection, loved.
And the oppression and violence of the parents that the child relies on and trusts make the child feel hopeless and frustrated, and even his own parents treat himself like this, who can love him? Am I not worthy of love? Am I that bad?
Such self-doubt makes children disappointed in themselves and the world, lose confidence and courage, and lose the motivation to live.
In the child's inner world, there may be only such a way to prove that I have come to this world, to be seen and heard, to live my own strength, to prove that I have the strength to do things that others cannot do, and that I can make decisions for myself.
To prove in such an extreme way that you are worthy of love and seeing is powerful and a tragedy.
Some friends may accuse the child's parents at this moment: Is it the parent who forced the child to be forced? Is learning that important? Is it important for children or is learning more important? Now it's good, it's satisfied, I can't cry anymore.
Yes, I think at this moment, the child's parents are also sad and remorseful, and experience the desperate state of mind of their daughter. I'm not trying to say that the parents didn't do anything wrong, that when this tragedy happens, we want to find someone responsible, and the most suitable person is the parent.
What I want to say is that the original intention of parents is good, they love their children, and they long for their children to be admitted to a good university, have good study habits, and have the ability to have more choices in life and work.
Parents position themselves as overseers, responsible for blaming and directing what their children should do, what they should not do, what they must do, and what they will do in the future.
And this kind of treatment, if you are a child, how will you feel? Feel like home is a warm field? What about self-evaluation?
My perception is that children cannot feel the love of their parents, do not feel the warmth of home, will have to go home, will be cautious when they go home to face their parents, and are in a state of mental tension every day, feeling hopeless and dark.
In the process of growing up, children encounter obstacles, such as declining academic performance, and children do not care about how they behave on the outside, but feel frustrated and irritable inside.
At this moment, parents especially want to fulfill their responsibilities, hoping that children can remember from such things for a long time, as if the more violent, the louder this voice will be, is this the responsibility of parents fulfilled? This is a kind of thinking and practice of shirking responsibility.
Indeed, some parents will shirk their responsibilities as parents, and when the child behaves unsatisfactorily, he accuses and criticizes the child: doing a bad job is not that he has not told the child, it is that you have not done a good job, and it has nothing to do with me.
Some parents will completely comply with their children's wishes, do not want to learn, do what they want to do, and be happy first, which is also shirking the responsibility of parents to discipline their children.
It seems to be conscientious, but in essence the result may not be satisfactory, the child feels that he is not accepted and respected by his parents, or he is a neglected child, a child who is not good enough, and is not worthy of being loved.
If you accuse and criticize the child, the child may feel that he is really not doing a good job, really useless, or feel that the parents really do not understand themselves, they are really lonely, at this moment the child may seem obedient to the parents' arrangements, or confrontation with the parents, and this will leave a deep imprint on the child's personality.
As a child, what the child needs is the emotional companionship of the parents, the quality of connection, tolerance, respect and understanding, the support and help, and the partners who fight side by side.
At this moment, parents should give their children understanding, understand the child's mood at this moment, give the child comfort and acceptance, when the child calms down, discuss with the child what is happening, how to do to make themselves dissolve the current obstacles.
Encourage children to express their opinions and ideas, but also to express their own views on this, to consult the child's wishes, whether they need parental support, and what kind of support is needed?
Yes, it is not easy to be a parent who strongly supports the child, and parents often pass on their anxiety and pain to their children, and they will also find that theory is theory, but in fact it is another matter.
At this moment, I hope that every parent can cultivate their ability to communicate with their hearts, communicate smoothly and with their children, communicate smoothly with themselves, and distinguish between what they expect too much and what their children want.
Respecting children is also a living individual and life. Under the premise of ensuring the safety of children, give the right space and give the child trust, the child will have autonomy and will also be born to the light.
I wish every child a happy childhood and be able to live their own vivid life.