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I'm 25 years old and have been out of college for two years.
My family has always wanted me to take the civil service exam, saying that it is a girl's family, stable is better, and I can have a guarantee when I am old.
When I just graduated from college, I was full of confidence in the future, and I always wanted to work my own to make a world, so that I could settle down in this city and stabilize.
So I entered a private company to work, although busy, overtime is a common thing, and I am glad that the treatment is not bad.
Originally thinking that life would begin a new chapter, I was ready to roll up my sleeves and do a big job, but I unexpectedly encountered a layoff crisis.
Subsequently, I switched between two companies. Last year, the whole market environment was not good, and the treatment of the two new companies was very general, resulting in my lack of passion for work.
I suddenly understood the proposal that my family wanted me to take the civil service examination, and I felt the importance of stability after the layoffs.
I'm confused and anxious right now, not knowing what to do in the future?
On the one hand, I want to fight again, and on the other hand, I am very afraid of the mid-life crisis, and I can't imagine what to do when the time comes.
I kindly ask Mi Yue to help me analyze it, and I can't thank you enough.
- Anxious sloths
01
Anxiety is a weak fear
Thanks for trusting!
Recently, I have received many private messages, and everyone has commonly mentioned a word called "anxiety".
In our daily lives, anxiety is a word that appears very frequently.
When we face complex tasks, we feel anxious;
When making difficult choices, you feel anxious;
Anxiety can also occur when life encounters major challenges or setbacks
......
Anxiety is like a shadow, followed by bad emotions.
Learn more about the St. Ann Mi Yue Psychology public number
We are all accustomed to this emotion, but few people really understand how anxiety comes from and how to crack it.
Today, I'm going to have a good chat with you about "anxiety."
Everyone is born with four basic emotions: joy, anger, sadness, and fear.
As we get older, we derive more complex emotions on top of these four basic emotions, common ones such as anxiety, irritability, shame, and guilt.
Anxiety is a weak fear derived from the basic emotion of fear.
It does not point to the present, but to what has not yet happened in the future.
Just like facing an exam, feeling anxious is the fear of losing the exam; facing a tricky thing, anxiety is afraid of the terrible consequences of not completing the task.
The root cause of this emotion is the lack of participation in action, and the brain creates a lot of thoughts. Our attention is focused on imagining bad consequences rather than on immediate action.
This emotion is a constant, meaningless, worry and fear of the future.
02
Relieves anxiety - reduces the difficulty of targeting
Zhang Ailing once said: "In this strange human world, no one can live a smooth life. ”
Ordinary people like you and me, there is no light, only a body of rust. Running like ants, wearing stars and wearing the moon, everyone has their own swamp.
This is the norm of life, and every adult is bound to experience a lot of unsatisfactory times and suffer the beatings of life.
But some people can turn difficulties into stepping stones and become shining under the polish of time; some people are losing in the face of obstacles.
Why is there such a big difference?
The key is mobility!
Anxiety everyone has, but some people have strong mobility and alleviate this emotion; while others are trapped in emotions, weakening their mobility and exacerbating anxiety.
How to crack the endless loop?
The answer is to reduce the difficulty of the goal and achieve the small goal through continuous small steps.
Many people like to lie in bed at night and make a big ambition: from tomorrow onwards, be sure to work hard!
I thought about it as if I had already achieved it, and as a result, I got up the next day and went back to the pre-liberation night.
Over time, anxiety will only get worse.
03
Relieves anxiety - splits the goals
The right thing to do is to refuse nothing or have an all-or-nothing mentality, and not to pursue one step at a time. Keep disassembling the big goals until you can easily accomplish them yourself.
For example, you have a car that hasn't started in a garage for years, and suddenly one day you want to drive out and go for a ride. At this time, do you drive to 30 miles first, slowly increase to 80 miles, or suddenly soar to 80 miles?
The answer is obvious, we will slowly accelerate.
But when the same problem happens to people, they always can't help but pursue one step in place.
People whose mobility is dragged down by anxiety are like cars that are nearly scrapped, and lazy cells that pursue comfortable pleasure are like "rust" that affects our actions.
Therefore, when the goal is very ambitious, it is easy to have more than enough and insufficient strength, and gradually produce frustration, resulting in difficulty in maintaining the action.
If we change the perspective, disassemble the goal, and disassemble it into small goals, we will find that it is much easier to complete, and there is not so much difficulty and psychological pressure before the action.
A sense of accomplishment after the goal is completed will create a virtuous cycle of self-efficacy.
In the same way, you feel anxious because your goal is worth a lot.
If you want to fight with your bare hands, you can have a place to live in this strange city. This is, of course, a good thing, and a very worthy goal.
But how do you achieve that? At the crucial step, you didn't ask yourself the question and didn't make a clear plan.
This leads to you working hard, without a sense of direction, confused, and only concerned about hard work. In the end, there is nowhere else but to move yourself.
What you have to do now is to keep disassembling the goal until you are very clear:
After thinking about these problems clearly, supplemented by action, in the process of struggle, the level of anxiety will be greatly alleviated.
Good luck!