A few days ago, I watched the movie "Twelve Nights" directed by Lin Aihua. Twelve nights, it is not that the love between the male and female protagonists only lasted for twelve nights, but the director intercepted twelve nights from the entire love life of the couple, allowing us to spy on the common changes in the love process through this limited time, to think about the true meaning of love and relationship.
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First night and second night: Open your fragile heart and bring the two closer
The beginning of love is often a coincidence. Christmas is Jeannie's birthday, and that night she's partying with her best friend, her boyfriend says he's coming late. Several people chatted and found that Jeannie's boyfriend had recently secretly messed with other women, Jeannie instantly became lost, and the party ended hastily.
Seeing that Jeannie, who had just been frustrated, was going back alone, her friend Clara asked her boyfriend Alan (Eason Chan) to give her a ride. He was reluctant, but got in the car with Jeannie anyway.
Jeannie decided to go find a boyfriend to break up. She doesn't want to directly expose her boyfriend for cheating, which will make her look pitiful. In the rearview mirror of the taxi, she saw that she and Alan were more compatible, decided to lie that Alan was her new friend, and pretended to be her own kick in front of her boyfriend.
Later, when the two walked, they showed each other their true thoughts and weak looks. Jeannie's stubbornness when she breaks up is to cover up her hurt self-esteem; Alan's relationship with his girlfriend Clara is in crisis at this time, and Clara threatens to break up before the party, so the two emotionally wounded people finally hug together.
Third and Fourth Nights: Your meeting with me was no accident
When a relationship starts, it's always warm and joyful. They constantly think about how the two came together and calculate how likely this encounter will be: if the probability of two people falling in love is very large, we naturally feel that this love is a destiny; and if the probability of two people falling in love is very low, it just shows how wonderful it is that we can love each other, and we should try to cherish it.
In any case, everyone who has just fallen in love always has reason to feel that this love is a miracle in ordinary life. Jeannie and Alan indulge in such a wonderful experience. Alan is busy starting a business with friends, and after falling in love, she is often overwhelmed, busy until late to make a late night phone call with Jeannie, does not go back to her place to sleep in the early morning, and drives across half the city to deliver her a breakfast.
Love at this time is also fresh. There are so many parts of two people's lives that are stranger to each other: where did you study as a child, and what kind of classmates and teachers did you have? How many girls did you have a crush on when you were in middle school, and how many times did you fall in love? Your mouth is a little wide, and your face is fat like a pufferfish, how did I look at you at that time? ...... The two lay down, talking inexorably, like two light clouds crammed onto the bed.
This is the hot love period that many couples have experienced. The feelings of two people become the center of each other's lives, and everything revolves around this center. In a slight dizziness, the two people were eager to melt together.
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The longevity of love is often not proportional to the heat. Sometimes, the more passionately those who love, the more unable they are to adapt to the cooling of feelings. As Jeannie and Alan lived more and more closely, frictions gradually emerged.
Fifth and Sixth Nights: The light of the past dissipates and each other dims
The living habits of the two people are different, and at the beginning they are willing to accommodate each other, and after being familiar enough, they will show their impatience in words and deeds. It was a holiday, one wanted to stay at home and sleep, the other wanted to go out and walk around, and the two of them talked about it at the airport.
How to dress and match before, now Jeannie wants to follow him to the company banquet, Alan dislikes her clothes and figure, thinks that she wears like a circus, then wears like a nightclub lady, thinks that this skirt is too naked, and the shorts appear to have thick calves...
Not only that, but there are also big differences in the three views of the two. They meet a friend of Jeannie's at the airport, Alan sees that they are very close and has a grudge, and when he learns that Jeannie and the other party have slept once, he is even more angry, accusing Jeannie of not knowing how to cherish himself, and begins to preach to her, which annoys Jeannie.
In the face of one conflict after another, Jeannie recalls the sweetness and beauty of the past and is even more distressed, very confused: why is the relationship between the two in such a bad situation?
Seventh and Eighth Nights: The more I tried to get closer, the more he had to dodge
Maybe you've changed? She felt that she was still the same as she was; perhaps Alan had gradually changed and was no longer so interested in herself? She didn't know how to deal with it. Jeannie became panicked, and this doubt and panic permeated her entire life.
She partyed with friends, and couldn't resist calling Alan at work; on the way home, she wanted to go to his office to accompany him, and she was afraid that he would hate her troubles. So she dialed the phone, trying to confirm on the phone: "Do you want me?" How much do you want to? Do you love me? However, all she heard was Alan's hesitant and weary voice.
At this time, Jeannie found that what she could do seemed to be to cling to this love, and she wanted to become more active and pay more for the relationship, so that Alan felt her love strongly.
However, Jeannie's efforts did not bring about the expected improvement, and the relationship between the two became more and more dangerous: the more she gave and dedicated, the more Alan felt that she was bound, and when he answered her warm phone in the office, he felt not the warmth of care, but the helpless annoyance; and the more Jeannie felt Alan's coldness, the more she panicked, and she thought of doing more for him. Invisibly, Jeannie was caught in such a vicious circle.
One night, Jeannie delivers Alan with a laptop and finds himself accompanying his colleagues to dinner and not caring about himself, and the two argue in the street. The couple, who used to be like glue and thought that each other was destined for each other, helplessly found that the two people were so incomprehensible in the quarrel. The previous beauty became a cloud of smoke, leaving only two familiar and unfamiliar figures, so they broke up for the first time.
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Ninth and Tenth Nights: Lost Love Makes Me Grow, But It's Really about Starting Over
After the breakup, Jeannie ushered in a very difficult time. Accidentally tears stayed at work; she couldn't help but be sad when she looked at the poster of the love movie; returned to the place where the two got along to relive the old love; did not dare to take the initiative to contact but missed it so much, she asked her colleagues to call Alan, just to hear his voice.
Jeannie just didn't want to contact Alan, she didn't want him to feel like he couldn't live without him. She stubbornly endured all this and slowly digested the pain of lost love. A few months later, when the two met again at the café, Jeannie seemed to be different from before.
After the greeting, Jeannie lowered her head to reflect on her psychological changes after the breakup, she realized that she was immature before, often too strong, and now she knows how to pay more attention to her life, has made progress in work, and dares to face her true feelings. She feels more mature and willing to actively try to mend past relationships, believing she can better sustain long-term relationships.
After pouring out all these journeys affectionately, she looked up at Alan and found that he was asleep.
Eleventh and Twelfth Nights: The supposed fate was just a misunderstanding
Even so, Jeannie was willing to reunite with Alan. On the eleventh night, the two men still embraced each other passionately.
The relationship seems to be moving towards a stable state from then on. Jeannie puts part of her energy into her career, Alan no longer feels suffocated, the distance between the two people becomes more flexible, and there are longer-term plans for the future, possibly moving to Hawaii.
One day, Jeannie goes back to her ex-boyfriend to retrieve something she had forgotten. On the way back, the two talked about the past, and she found that the original boyfriend's cheating was a complete misunderstanding.
The news shocked Jeannie, who walked down the street in a state of shock. She and Alan made an appointment to meet, and when she saw Alan appear, she just looked away, watching him look around the street looking for herself.
Jeannie did not respond to him, but kept hiding through buildings and pedestrians. Obviously, he was hiding from him, making people look like they were stalking him. After she learned that the previous breakup was just a misunderstanding, her relationship with Alan, which was based on that breakup, seemed to have no sufficient foundation and collapsed in an instant. She watched Alan walk away, turning to another intersection without chasing past it.
Coincidentally, while Jeannie was dodging, someone next to her had a chat with her and talked to her. Another set of "Twelve Nights" kicked off.
Twelve nights like this are real, like a slice of good selection, allowing us to quickly see the emotional changes that a couple of lovers may encounter, from the occasional encounter with the warmth of ten fingers, from the noise in the chicken and garlic to the strange road after mutual accusation.
Twelve nights like this are cruel, and while everything it presents is not somehow inevitable, it is also the danger that every couple can encounter: there is often a difficult transition between love and a stable relationship.
At this time, two people gradually come out of the light of ideals, and what we see will be the shortcomings and flaws of the other party that have not been perceived or deliberately forgotten, and they are waiting for our acceptance;
The two people are also more accustomed to calculating their own efforts and returns, and seem to become more and more rational, and even rational and paranoid;
In addition to being familiar with each other, it may also bring more accurate harm, and what to say and do can make the other person angry and make the other person miserable, and we have become more and more clear and skilled.
The eighth night of Jeannie's quarrel with Alan's breakup was naturally not what everyone was destined for. To get through the transition period better, it takes two people to make a conscious effort, and they don't do it.
Jeannie is reluctant to accept the ordinary state after the passion has dissipated, always mentions the past love to ask for, to blame Alan, in the panic to constantly pay to pull the relationship back to the past, the result is that Alan does not have enough personal space.
And when Alan realized that the relationship between the two was becoming more and more rigid, he just kept putting up with and giving in, never actively seeking communication, making the situation worse and worse, and finally had to break up.
The change and reunion of the two on the tenth and eleventh nights is also a good compensation, and after the breakup, they wake up to their mistakes and are willing to try again. But some people say that what has been broken can never change back to its original appearance. Maybe it's true?
I don't know if every hot relationship will develop to the day when one party feels upset and the other party feels disappointed. At that point, it becomes crucial whether both people have the will to still put the intimate relationship in a sufficiently important position, and still pay for it to run it. Until the day the magic of hormones recedes, you will see what kind of partner you have chosen and whether it is the partner you really need.
Do you see clearly about love? (A sly smile)
(Zhi I Psychology Author / Xia Chao Editor / KY Creators)
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