Can a person with low self-esteem have love, apricot is a beautiful and pure girl, a round girl

Apricot is a beautiful, pure, lovely girl with a round face, big eyes, and long hair. In the counseling room, she wore a light blue short-sleeved shirt with a silver necklace hanging from her neck and smiled slightly. Her first impression of me was that the confusion she seemed to be facing at the moment hadn't overwhelmed her, and her problem didn't seem to be serious. Because Apricot can also recognize that her own ideas are a little strange, and there is a slight deviation from the happiness of her current love. What I didn't expect was that the apricot that always made my first impression was that she was constantly in tears during the next consultation.

What is this lovely girl trying to tell me? It turned out that Apricot and her boyfriend had been dating for more than 3 years, and her boyfriend was very good to her. However, after her boyfriend graduated and went to work, Apricot felt that when she was with her boyfriend again, she had the feeling of a dusty woman. The idea does sound a little weird: a couple of lovers who are in love with each other, why does she feel like a dusty woman with her boyfriend? I also have questions about this, and this is the question I want to ask apricots, and I expect apricots to give me a satisfactory answer. It doesn't matter, it's like opening our apricot's box of words, and she tells me her emotional story in detail.

Apricot said that she felt particularly humble in front of her boyfriend, feeling attached to people and having to obey her boyfriend's arrangement. This strange feeling, apricot can recognize intellectually, it is not given by the boyfriend. Because the boyfriend can be said to be considerate to her, the two have been in love for more than 3 years and have hardly quarreled. Speaking of the love between the two, it was not long after Apricot entered the university, the boyfriend was Apricot's senior, when Apricot first entered the university, as the senior of the fellow countrymen helped take care of her, and then Apricot and the senior gradually fell in love. Three years later, his boyfriend, who is two grades higher than himself, graduated and joined the job, and in order to take care of Apricot, he found a job in the city where Apricot studied. That way, the two can get together on the weekend.

Talking about the feeling of being a dusty woman when she was with her boyfriend, Apricot told me that she didn't have this feeling when she and her boyfriend were in college. This feeling arises after the boyfriend joins the work. Every weekend, Apricot would go to her boyfriend and spend a pleasant weekend in the house where her boyfriend rented. By the way, the boyfriend will give her apricot next week's living expenses. Because it was hard to wait until the weekend, apricots rarely rested, so they liked to sleep in their boyfriend's place. And the boyfriend's work is not completely closed on weekends, but on a monthly basis. So although the two can get together on weekends, most of the boyfriends still go to work during the day. That way, when apricots are still asleep on Sunday, the boyfriend goes to work. When Apricot wakes up, she often sees that her boyfriend has put her living expenses on the table, and Apricot returns to school with the living expenses given by her boyfriend. It wasn't a one-time or twice, and gradually Apricot thought of the dusty women on TV or in the movies, who after spending the night with men, would give them money the next day and they would walk away. This association makes Apricot feel a little mean, almost no different from those dusty women, she has no sense of self-esteem in such a love, and seems to rely on others to support.

Get together with your boyfriend, and then the two spend the night, and then the boyfriend gives money (living expenses), such a life is very much like the dusty woman in the film and television works, we at first sound like some truth, in fact, think about it carefully, this idea is obviously a bit generalized. In order to tentatively change the irrational idea of apricots, I asked apricots, since you feel a bit like a dust woman, then do you know the life of a dust woman. Apricot told me that she knew something about the life of the wind and dust women, because she had read a book, which was probably the story of the Qinglou in the late Qing Dynasty, which said that some women were abducted, deceived, and in short, forced by life to fall into the Qinglou, their fate was somewhat tragic. Apricots feel that they are very similar to them, and they also have some feelings of being forced by life, especially after getting money from their boyfriends, they feel that they are no different from the dusty women, because the whole process is to sleep with people, get up, take money, and leave.

I know that the wind and dust woman and the prostitute are a kind of buying and selling relationship, and rarely produce real love, so will the idea of apricot feeling like a dust woman be because of the lack of true love between her and her boyfriend? So, it is necessary for me to clarify this to her. So I asked about apricot's relationship with her boyfriend. As a result, Apricot told me that my boyfriend loves himself very much and that there should be no man in the world who is so good to himself. The boyfriend turned out to be a department manager of an advertising agency, and because he thought that he could study with apricots and take care of apricots, his boyfriend gave up his once well-paid job and went to find another job near Apricot's university. Moreover, whenever apricots come to menstruation, the boyfriend does not talk about business, no matter how big the business is, the boyfriend will take time off to accompany her, rub her stomach, give her hot water, and so on, and this is the case every month. Apricot said that the time of her menstrual leave was also a happy holiday for her boyfriend and herself, which made Apricot feel very happy. As she spoke, Apricot had a happy smile on her face. Since Apricot's boyfriend is deeply in love with Apricot, does Apricot love her boyfriend? If there is no love, then two people together will become a kind of transaction. The answer apricot gave me was that I loved my boyfriend very much, and I was most afraid of losing my boyfriend.

So far, we have not solved the mystery of the strange idea of apricots. So I asked apricots when they started to feel this way. I wanted to know if Apricot's initial thoughts would have something to do with what she was stimulated by. Apricot told me that she suddenly felt this way from the second or third time her boyfriend gave her money. I feel that my boyfriend is taking care of his own living expenses, rather than giving himself so-called pocket money. So, all her financial resources are dependent on her boyfriend, who can be said to be the whole sky of her life, and she must be completely attached to him. When I have this kind of thought in my heart, I am more sensitive to the fact that my boyfriend gives money. Apricot still remembers once, she and her boyfriend went to a restaurant to eat, originally the boyfriend was going to pay for apricots in advance, but the boyfriend forgot, when he finished eating and checking out, the boyfriend suddenly remembered. So he gave the money to the apricot and asked the apricot to go to the counter to check out. The restaurant owner happened to see this scene, plus the relationship between one and two became acquainted, and the shop owner joked with them that he thought that Apricot was the boss of the family, and it seemed that the real boss was the boyfriend. The speaker has no intention, but the listener intends. When Apricot heard this, her heart was particularly uncomfortable. Apricot felt that the boyfriend didn't just own the money, he actually used the money to buy himself completely. Apricot feels in her heart that although the two are deeply in love, the relationship between the two is unequal, and her status is actually very low.

Since the boyfriend's giving money will make him have such a strong conflict in his heart, I suggested that since Apricot feels that her boyfriend's money is not good, it is better not to want the boyfriend's money. Apricot told me that she had thought about it and tried to get a job, such as when she had worked as a bus conductor, but her income was very low, and as a student, she could only find part-time jobs, so it was actually difficult to make money on her own.

So, could apricots think this way because of something her boyfriend said when he gave her money? But Apricot told me that my boyfriend never said anything to stimulate himself. The boyfriend actually cares about his feelings, he is very sensitive to this kind of thing, and the boyfriend also knows. I remember once, Apricot went to her boyfriend, the boyfriend told her that she had not received a salary this month, Apricot was very angry when she heard it, and she told her boyfriend loudly that she was not here to get money.

From apricots, it seems that we have not found any valuable clues to sort out the causes of apricot ideas for a while. So, what does Apricot's boyfriend think about Apricot? Through understanding, Apricot's boyfriend told me that when it comes to giving money, Apricot has never taken the initiative to ask her boyfriend for money. The boyfriend gave apricots living expenses, but he didn't expect apricots to think so, because he loved apricots very much, and apricots also loved themselves. Every time the boyfriend leaves money on the table, he just wants his girlfriend to have a better life at school. Later, after he learned that apricots were very uncomfortable with giving money, his boyfriend took another approach, such as the two of them shopping together to buy things, and when they saw something that could be bought for only a few dollars, the boyfriend let apricot pay for it, and then he took the opportunity to compensate apricot with a large amount of money. Although the boyfriend took such a look at Apricot's feelings, Apricot still felt that this was a way to cover up, and the sense of humiliation in her heart still lingered.

In the face of this effort made by her boyfriend for herself, Apricot has also tried to change herself, trying to imagine herself as her boyfriend's wife, and her husband giving money to her wife, which is a natural thing, but she still can't get out of this confusion and confusion.

After talking so much with apricots, we still don't seem to have solved the mystery of apricot ideas. However, we can sense that apricots seem to have a different view of taking other people's money, especially women's money. Continuing to follow this clue may be able to solve the mystery of her strange thoughts.

The second stage: tracing back to the roots and solving the puzzle of the heart lock

Even if it's a weird idea, we know it doesn't happen for no reason, especially from a psychological point of view. Taking a boyfriend's money means that you are like a dusty woman, and this idea must have its roots. But through apricots, we have learned a lot: boyfriends and apricots have feelings, and they are not in any way the kind of relationship between a dusty woman and a prostitute in real life. However, Apricot still thinks so, which makes me have to think about tracking some of Apricot's early years or clues from her past spiritual experiences.

So I asked Apricot who in my memory often took other people's money, or who valued it. When I asked this question, Apricot didn't think much of it, and replied that it was her mother who valued money. She felt that in her mother's eyes, money was the most important. Apricot said that her mother never regarded family, husband and children as important, but regarded money as important. I remember when I was a child, Apricot once had diarrhea, and her mother took her to the hospital to see a doctor. The doctor prescribed a prescription for apricots for dozens of dollars, and when her mother saw that the prescription needed to spend so much money, she felt that the small illness would not cost so much, and she took the apricots home without returning home, and when she returned home, she let the apricots drink more water, and did not let the apricots eat for two days. Through this incident, Apricot felt that her mother valued money rather than her own body, and was willing to spend money for her daughter.

So, what kind of impact does this experience of growing up, or this behavior of the mother, affect the apricots? Generally speaking, daughters should slowly identify with their mothers in the process of growing up, and since their mothers value money, their daughters will also become very valued. This logic is psychologically valid, because this is what social imitation or social learning theory assumes, after all, the role of important members of the family is greatly influenced. But if you follow this logical reasoning, Apricot should be very satisfied with her life now, because her boyfriend loves himself very much and often gives himself money to spend. But our apricot is very disgusted with this kind of life where others give money, or that she feels a little humiliated to live by other people's money. How do we explain this situation? There is also a logic or distraction, that is, if Apricot likes her mother, then she will be happy that she agrees with her mother's behavior, and there will be no boredom or humiliation. The problem is that our apricots don't seem to be emotionally connected to their mothers, and even some of them reject or dislike their mothers, so when their behavior is similar to their mothers, they don't like it, or even hate it.

When I talked to Apricot Analysis about this, Apricot told me that she really hated my mother, and even looked down on my mother. When she was a child, her mother did not have time to take care of apricots in order to do business, and apricots were sent to her grandmother or aunt's house to raise them when she was two years old. It wasn't until high school that Apricot returned to live with her parents. When fostering at grandma's or aunt's house, mom and dad rarely came to see them. To see yourself is to leave some living expenses for your grandmother or aunt. Sometimes, before apricots finish school, mom and dad even leave living expenses for grandma or aunt to leave, and apricots can't even look at their parents. In Apricot's memory, her parents did not really feel the love of their parents except for living expenses.

If we rely solely on these early experiences that Apricot said, we can understand that Apricot's emotional connection with her parents is very weak, but it is difficult to understand why Apricot is angry with her parents. When I questioned apricot about this, apricot told me about one more thing that happened in my sophomore year of high school. It was a summer vacation, apricots and parents quarreled over trivial matters, and the angry father scolded fiercely, saying, you roll, you get out. At that time, Apricot said angrily, you say let me roll again, then I will really do it. At this time, the mother who was on the side not only did not quell the quarrel between the father and the apricot, but stood on the side of the father to teach the apricot, saying to the apricot word by word, you roll, you will never come back. Seeing that her parents were so desperate, Apricot went out in a huff, and she cried and came to a friend's house in the county. Because he ran away from home in a negative mood, he walked in a hurry, and even the slippers and pajamas did not change down and ran out, the soles of his feet were also blistered, and the tears on his face made his face one by one. When she came to her friend's house, she looked carefully at herself in the mirror, and Apricot secretly vowed in her heart that she would live on her own in the future. The apricots in the consultation room were tearful as they spoke, some helpless, helpless, pitiful, and I looked at my heart a little heavy. It can be seen that the psychological trauma of that incident to Apricot is still so great that it still makes her so sad to mention it today.

When apricots said this, the mystery in my heart seemed to gradually be solved. Apricot has grown up for so many years, and has only been with her parents for nearly two or three years. In the early years, the relationship between parents and apricots made apricots unable to appreciate more details of love. What can immediately come to mind is that the parents give themselves living expenses, and the living expenses can be said to represent all the love that parents had for apricots in the early years. But what our apricot wants is not living expenses, what she craves more in her heart is the love of her parents. However, busy parents only know how to express their love for apricots with living expenses. This makes Apricot even feel angry about the cost of living, because the cost of living can replace the affection between father and daughter, mother and daughter. This mechanism of reflexive dislike or anger towards the cost of living is established. Once the living expenses are given, the parents' affection is gone. And now the boyfriend is giving himself living expenses, giving living expenses may replace love, and his love may not be there. This idea of giving money without feelings affects apricots in this way, so that apricots feel like dust women. Obviously, this reflexive idea of apricots was established in the early years, hidden deep in the subconscious of apricots, and was involuntarily generated.

At this point, we have finally found the key to the heart lock of the apricot, and the next step is to find a way to unlock it.

The third stage: restore self-esteem, return love to the original color

The problem of apricots is already very clear, and to solve this problem, the apricots must first make changes in understanding. In terms of understanding, we must understand the reason for our own ideas, that is, due to our early growth experience, we have a different attitude towards the living expenses of our parents, and this idea affects herself to her boyfriend