"Why do I always have tears in my eyes? Because I love this land deeply. ”
The famous contemporary poet Ai Qing wrote affectionately in "I Love This Land".
Portrait of Ai Qing
This sentence is not only Ai Qing's sincere expression of China's 9.6 million square kilometers of troubled land, but also the deepest love for the suffering people in this land.
Ai Qing's life was full of affection for the country and the nation, but at the same time he was ruthless to his own parents all his life.
Even if his father was critically ill and never returned home to visit, all this seemed full of contradictions, but if you knew Ai Qing's experience, it was so reasonable.
Ai Qing was born in 1910 in Jinhua, Zhejiang Province, to a wealthy landlord family, but all this was the beginning of Ai Qing's seemingly contradictory life.
Because Ai Qing is a difficult child, in order to give birth to this child, Ai Qing's mother Lou Xianqiu can be described as nine deaths, even after giving birth to Ai Qing, the body has buried many hidden dangers, and the body has been extremely fragile for the rest of her life.
Ai Qing and his wife Zhang Yueqin
In the late Qing Dynasty and early Ming Dynasty, although many advanced ideas had been introduced into China, all of them were limited to the economically developed coastal metropolises.
For rural areas, the self-sufficient smallholder peasant economy, coupled with the ancestral lessons handed down over thousands of years, has remained unchanged in many respects.
The superstition about difficult childbirth is an example, whether it is a squire landlord or a field people, they all believe that difficult children are born to restrain their parents, and the eight characters of their parents are incompatible, which will make their parents live.
Ai Qing's father, Jiang Zhongzhu, was once a loyal member of the Restoration School, and he was very respectful of Liang Qichao, and he was the only one in the village who ordered the "Declaration", as if he were a new figure, so why would he believe such nonsense?
But even if the thinking is more enlightened, China's squire landlords also grew up in this vast yellow land, and their bones are naturally stained with the rustic atmosphere of this land, and they are also in awe of these superstitious statements.
Ai Qing and his third wife Gao Ying
Everything in the world has cause and effect, and superstitions are not true, but then their decision makes superstitions true.
In order to get rid of the situation of Ai Qingke's parents, Ai Qing's parents sent Ai Qing to a peasant family hundreds of miles away, but Ai Qing did not stay there for long, but in a few months Ai Qing was sent to another peasant family.
The hostess of this farmer's home is the Dayan River written in Ai Qing's poem "Dayan River - My Nanny".
Dayan River had a daughter who had just been born at that time, in addition to several other young children, which was simply unable to afford Dayan River.
But if she accepts Ai Qing, she can support her family with the remuneration of Ai Qing's parents.
In order to accept Ai Qing, Dayan River threw his own daughter into the river and drowned.
This is an extremely cruel thing in the eyes of outsiders, how can the Dayan River be handed down? That's her biological daughter!
But because she is a mother, she has other children to support, so all this cruelty can only be endured by her.
Since then, Dayan River, without a daughter, has placed his emotions on this foster child Ai Qing, who is her biological son, and Dayan River has also done the same for more than four years.
Life is suffering, but some people face suffering with laughter until death, and Dayan River is such a person. So even if he died in the Dayan River for many years later, Ai Qing's impression of the Dayan River was always smiling.
Ai Qing's portfolio
Like thousands of rural women in China, she is full of enthusiasm for life from beginning to end, whether it is washing and cooking every day, or picking up the lamp at night to make clothes, always smiling warmly.
This kind of laughter is the brilliance of life, even if a woman like Dayan River is so simple and ordinary, it still reflects the greatness of life everywhere, and the impact on Ai Qing is undoubtedly huge.
So we see Ai Qing, his usual imagery such as the land and the sun, is always vast and hot, always aggressive, always warlike.
At Dayanhe's home, Ai Qing received a motherly love like the sun, so after learning that Dayanhe had drowned her own daughter for herself, Ai Qing always had a deep sense of guilt in her heart.
In the eyes of Ai Qing's parents, they have been paid, and they are several times that of others, and both sides do not owe anything, but the simplicity of children can often see through the appearance of the world, and young Ai Qing knows what is real beauty and what is real ugliness.
Ai Qing truly regarded Dayan River as his mother, and his own biological parents, although they had the grace to give birth to him, never fulfilled their obligation to raise him.
Statue of Ai Qing
Five years later, Ai Qing was taken home by her own biological parents, and this time Dayan River cried, this time to the rural woman who used the heat of life to fight against the hardships of life.
She knew from the beginning that Ai Qing was going back to his real parents, but she kept forcing herself to ignore it, so the woman who had suffered so much lost his child once again.
Like all mothers, she worries about whether her son will not eat well, whether he will not be warm, and whether he will be bullied.
Poor at home, she sewed new clothes for her children from what little fabric she had left, with thick stitches.
When it came to separation, she had to endure the grief and carefully tell Ai Qing to pay attention to things over there, not to say unpleasant things, and to do things that should not be done, although she did not know anything.
After five years, Ai Qing returned to his biological parents, and he was forced to change into the coarse cloth clothes made for him by the Dayan River and change into silk clothes, even the buttons were exquisite shells.
Instead of eating coarse grain wild vegetables, it was replaced by white noodles that had been milled at least three times.
The little friends around them are no longer the sons of peasants with gray heads and dirty faces and yellow muscles, but the children of the gentry who are polite and well-dressed.
Left Peng Dehuai Left two Ai Qing
This is unimaginable at the age of five, Ai Qing, who grew up in the fields since childhood, who has been exposed to the scorching sun and the cold of winter.
He knew what the name of the weeds in the field was, and he knew what the soil was fertile, but he did not know what a rich scene was.
In the Dayan River family, he is not her son, but he can call dayan river mother, but around his biological parents, he can only call them uncles and aunts!
The practice of their biological parents seemed so hypocritical and contrived in Ai Qing's view, why did they enjoy a good life without having to work hard, while Dayan River had to drown their children with their own hands after a lifetime of hard work?
This has no answer for the young Ai Qing, but he has a sensitive insight into the irrationality of these seemingly reasonable phenomena.
Ai Qing's mother, Lou Xianchu, wanted to get closer to her son, and she told Ai Qing to let him come to her side and be closer to her.
Right Ai Qing
Ai Qing refused, because this pitiful sympathy or sporadic maternal love was only endless anger for him.
Why can the younger brother and sister be in the arms of Lou Xianqiu? And you can only get closer to her? Why is he also his own son, but he can only call an aunt?
Lou Xianqiu's behavior was just to satisfy some guilt in her heart, and her love for herself was not as good as dayanhe, who was not related to herself, and she loved herself by one-thousandth.
Although the young Ai Qing understands people's hearts but does not understand human feelings, his actions are undoubtedly to trample the majesty of his own parents under his feet.
He was their bloodline, and all the expenses he had spent since he was born were also given by them.
In the eyes of Ai Qing's biological parents, Ai Qing naturally wants to obey herself like other children, but they have not thought that their love for Ai Qing has ever given a point?
Even sporadic concerns are only to soothe the uneasiness of one's conscience.
People are always unwilling to face the hypocrisy and vulnerability in their hearts, so only Ai Qing is wrong. They did not want Ai Qing to call themselves their parents, but they rightfully exercised the authority of their parents.
Since Ai Qing is different from the imaginary son, fight until it changes.
Picture of Young Ai Qing
In this way, Ai Qing spent his adolescence, if this is a darkness, then the Dayan River is the sun in Ai Qing's heart, but only every new year, the Dayan River can come to see him.
A poor and simple rural woman, when she came to the home of a rich squire, could only use her hand to hang the corners of her clothes to hide the cramped uneasiness in her heart.
She brought Ai Qing's favorite nest head when she was a child and the coarse cloth clothes she sewed by hand, when she saw that the food here was all fine white noodles and wore silk.
She felt inferior, and she was afraid that Ai Qing would dislike the gifts she had carefully prepared.
Picture of Ai Qing's elderly
But when she looked at Ai Qing, happily changed into coarse cloth clothes, and ate the nest head, the woman who had been hanging the corners of her clothes with her hands smiled happily.
In 1928, at the suggestion of Lin Fengmian, the director of the National Hangzhou West Lake Art Academy, Ai Qing prepared to study in France, and what the 18-year-old Ai Qing did not know was that he would be treated in a foreign country with the same feelings as returning to his home from Dayan River as a child.
Ai Qing once compared herself to "a new guest in her own home" in her poems.
It can be seen that even if they have been together for thirteen years, they are still inferior to the five years in the Dayan River family, and he has never integrated into his own home.
Studying in France is an opportunity to escape from home. His study abroad was not for the development of his life, but just a banishment of himself.
Ai Qing's father, Jiang Zhongzhu, was a reformer who ordered declarations every month, and was also full of deep feelings for the country and the nation, so the villagers often saw his face and knew the changes in the situation.
Ai Qing pictures
Although confined to the countryside, Jiang Zhongzhun knows the world pattern very well, and is far more than Ai Qing, who has been studying abroad for a few years, and is naturally very happy about the idea of his son studying abroad.
And Ai Qing's "study abroad, you can make better money" statement, in Jiang Zhongzhu's view is just a child's idea, so many years, Ai Qing finally did a thing that suits his heart, so he is fully supported.
Ai Qing's mother, Lou Xianchu, is not a cold-hearted person, for so many years, she has always wanted to repair her relationship with Ai Qing, but she has not been able to get a response from Ai Qing.
Gao Ying and Ai Qing
At that time, they did owe Ai Qing, so for so many years, there was always a feeling of guilt mixed with Ai Qing's maternal love, and what she didn't know was that Ai Qing's disgust came from such impure maternal love.
Before Ai Qing left, Lou Xianqiu secretly stuffed the four hundred oceans he had accumulated for many years into Ai Qing's suitcase.
Erxing Qianlimu was worried that the Dayan River was like this, and so was Lou Xian Chip, but after all, the mistake had been cast, and if there was a chance to start again, Lou Xian Chip would definitely not be the same as it was at the beginning.
Ai Qing was reading the newspaper
In 1928, Ai Qing came to Paris, France, the most prosperous and romantic city on the European continent.
In a foreign country, Ai Qing came into contact with various advanced ideas and romantic poetry in France, and compared with China's superstition and backwardness, which made Ai Qing confused when he was a teenager.
All this seems to have returned to the starting point, he seems to have become the young child from the Dayan River family to his own family, he is the Chinese, the land of China has given birth to him, but there is so much suffering in that land, all of which makes Ai Qing feel very painful.
The root cause of all suffering comes from the backwardness of the productive forces, and to change all this, we must start from the political, economic, cultural and ideological fields.
Ai Qing was at home
So Ai Qing started according to his own strengths in poetry and painting, but only more prominent in his poetry.
Only a lonely teenager decided to do something after seeing the prosperity of the world, and since then, the rustic teenager Ai Qing has grown into a patriotic poet, and the motherland is beautiful everywhere in his pen.
In 1932, Ai Qing returned to China, and since he was wandering, there was no need to go back, even if his father mentioned the inheritance of the family's land and property many times in the letter, Ai Qing did not care.
Ai Qing was pondering
He is determined to change something in his own strength, then the property in the family is only a product of the old system, and since he is determined to face the future, he will naturally cut off the old things.
At that time, Shanghai was the place where new ideas spread most widely and deeply, so Ai Qing chose to seek development in Shanghai, where he joined the Chinese Left-Wing Artists Alliance and used art to disseminate revolutionary new ideas.
Revolutionary revolution, whose life is it? Ai Qing's spearhead pointed directly at the corrupt government at that time, which naturally violated the interests of those in power, and it was not long before Ai Qing was arrested and imprisoned.
If Ai Qing had only been exposed to a series of hardships brought about by the poverty of China's bottom people before, he would have been exposed to more sorrow in prison.
Ai Qing is revising the work
There are martyrs who shed their blood for the sake of the country's prosperity and strength, and there are also criminals who are extremely vicious, and it is not necessary to mention that they are beaten and tortured in prison.
As the saying goes, things must be reversed, the end of the darkness is the light, and behind the light is also the darkness. The classic "Dayan River - My Nanny" was written at this time.
After Ai Qing suffered so much, only the Dayan River in his childhood could bring him warmth.
Behind his deep nostalgia for the Dayan River may be his own unnoticed hatred for his own parents, hatred for the backward feudal system, and even hatred for the country's poverty and weakness.
Ai Qing spent enough time in prison for two years, and was not released until 1935, and Dayan River had already passed away for many years, so who else in the world cared about him?
Ai Qing admires the paintings
Ai Qing's biological parents, although they had treated Ai Qing unfairly, were their own parents after all, and they sent letters and silver dollars to Ai Qing shortly after Ai Qing was released from prison.
At the time of writing this letter, Ai Qing's father, Jiang Zhongzhu, was no longer as healthy as before, and as the head of a large family, he no longer had the majesty and prestige he once had, and only the guilt and warmth of his son were left.
In addition to the daily greetings of concern, the letter once again asked Ai Qing to go back to inherit the ancestral inheritance, but Ai Qing once again refused.
Later, when Ai Qing's father Jiang Zhongzhu fell ill and was dying, his only wish was to see Ai Qing again.
After Ai Qing learned the news, he did not go back, and did not see his son again until the last bite of his life, Jiang Zhongzhun.
According to the doctor's examination, Jiang Zhongzhun had liver disease, and anger hurt the liver, and his death had a certain relationship with Ai Qing's final choice.
Ai Qing was basking in the sun
At that time, he abandoned Ai Qing because of superstition, and now Jiang Zhongzhun was also abandoned by Ai Qing when he was dying, which can be said to be fate.
Years later, Ai Qing reflected on this, and he once wrote in his article:
"Now my father, lying quietly in the dirt, when he came out of his funeral, I did not hold up a soul flag for him, nor did I disobey in the clothes of burlap; I was running through the liberation war and the fireworks with a hoarse song."
This is the determination that belongs to Ai Qing, who has not received the love of his parents in this life.
So he shared his love with the thousands of people who suffered from the disaster in the land of China.
And why is the Dayan River just the Dayan River? Rather, it is countless ordinary and great people like the Great Weir River.