The film crew of the documentary "Little People's Country" spent two years recording the daily lives of children with the most realistic lens in a kindergarten called "Ba Xueyuan" on the outskirts of Beijing.
The children under the camera express their joys and sorrows to the fullest, and express their emotions without reservation.
Among them, there is an emotion that cannot be bypassed in kindergarten children - the "love" of early childhood.
This is just a joke in the eyes of adults, but it is the most sincere and pure emotion hidden in the child's heart. When you get it, you are satisfied, happy, and sweet; when you can't get it, you are frustrated, disappointed, and miserable.
When children express who they like and who they want to marry, don't be surprised that they are "early in love" at such a young age, but to understand their behavior, it is only that they have entered the sensitive period of marriage.
Below, this article analyzes the reasons behind children's expression of love behavior, and how we adults can help them successfully pass the sensitive period of marriage, and seize the educational opportunity at this stage.
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<h1 class="pgc-h-arrow-right" > what specific behaviors children enter the sensitive period of marriage</h1> have
Children, out of the inherent needs of their own development, are more likely to learn certain knowledge and behaviors than other periods in a certain period of time, and some aspect of the mental process develops most rapidly, which is called the "sensitive period".
The sensitive period of marriage refers to the child's beginning of interest in the combination of people and the beginning of the exploration of various combination relationships between people. Since the combined form of marriage is closest to the child's life, the child's exploration often begins with marriage. At this time, they will study who is married to whom, and if they like a person themselves, they will ask to marry each other.
Sun Ruixue, an expert in child education, wrote in "Capturing Children's Sensitive Periods":
Marriage sensitive periods generally occur after the child is 4 years old, and some will enter the initial stage of marriage sensitivity period after the age of 3.
The sensitive period is the life boost given by nature to young children, and how to use such an effective motivation to help children grow up perfectly is the responsibility of adults.
After a child enters a sensitive period of marriage, he usually exhibits some of the following behaviors:
1. Want to marry mom or dad
A child's initial understanding of the opposite sex stems from the perception of his parents. When children are still very young, they gain satisfaction and happiness through attachment behaviors to their parents. The love of parents is the source of safety and happiness for children.
By the age of 3 or 4, as children's self-awareness increases, gender awareness also begins to increase, they will have a strong dependence and good feelings on their parents, and when they explore the marriage relationship, the initial stage is to show their liking for their parents.
Huo Siyan wrote down the life plan made by her son Hum on Weibo: marry his mother at the age of 6 and buy a mobile phone at the age of 8.
Hmmm's marriage planning is exactly the manifestation of the initial stage of the sensitive period of marriage, that is, the liking for parents. A child's initial understanding of a man or a woman comes from an understanding of mom and dad. At this time, the boy will say that I want to marry my mother, and the girl will say that I want to marry my father.
2. Expand and transfer the scope of marriage partners
As the child grows and the social circle expands, the child begins to develop attachment relationships other than the parents, expands and transfers the scope of the marriage object, and considers the appearance, personality, age and so on of the marriage partner. During this period, their favorite objects became the neighbors' big brothers and sisters, the children in the class, and so on.
Lin Yufeng, a boy in "Villain Country", likes the girl Yin Yin, plays the "prince", and hopes to marry Yin Yin, who plays the "princess".
In fact, children do not understand the true meaning of love and marriage in the adult world, but only a kind of liking for the opposite sex with the development of gender consciousness, and borrowing marriage to express their inner love.
3. Imitate adults to perform marriage ceremonies and play mom and dad games
Imitation of adults is typical of children. They are happy to imitate adult marriages and hold wedding ceremonies in the game. Their rituals are sometimes as simple as a simple announcement in the game, and some are even as brief as just two people agreeing to say a word to each other, and it is completed.
Lin Yufeng of "Villain Country" was a prince, and after choosing Yin Yin when playing the game of choosing a princess, he completed a simple wedding ceremony amid everyone's cheers. Then, they pretended to have a marriage license and began playing other games in the relationship between husband and wife.
"Villain Country" Lin Yufeng excitedly hugged Yin Yin
Although the marriage ceremony is simple, Yin Yin and Lin Yufeng, who successfully "married", are very happy. At this point, we don't need to go on the line to think how incredible "marriage" is.
This joyful experience itself is one of the important implications of the children's marriage.
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<h1 class="pgc-h-arrow-right" > how to view the positive implications of sensitive periods in marriage</h1>
1. Feel complex psychological emotions and learn how to interact with friends of the opposite sex
In the sensitive period of marriage, when children interact with friends of the opposite sex, they will not only feel more complex emotions that have never been experienced, but also learn the way to interact with small partners of the opposite sex in practice.
In order to express his good feelings for his favorite little partner, the child will try his best to attract the attention of the other party, get close to the other party, hoping to get his (her) like.
Lin Yufeng in "Villain Country" racked his brains to find a way to attract Yin Yin's attention. He discovers that Yin Yin is playing a princess, so he puts on a cloak and dresses up as a prince in an attempt to get Yin Yin's attention.
Lin Yufeng invited Yin Yin to his slide "Palace" many times, and after being rejected by Yin Yin, he plucked up the courage to walk down the "Palace" to Yin Yin's side and continue to express his desire to play with Yin Yin.
In the process of expressing emotions, Lin Yufeng felt a variety of emotions. In the face of setbacks, he was depressed, distressed, and sad, but he did not easily retreat, but kept trying. After success, he is happy, happy, sweet, and full of fulfillment.
On the other hand, Lin Yufeng's "pursuit" of Yin Yin is actually the process of children spontaneously learning and practicing communication and interaction with partners of the opposite sex under the strong emotional will. He fully mobilizes his senses and ideas, tries hard, and actively practices.
Once successful, he will repeat the process of making friends in his mind and transfer this way of making friends to the process of interacting with others. Such a dynamic and creative process benefits children a lot, and it is difficult to achieve it simply by relying on adult guidance.
2.Deepen understanding of the social roles of parents and strengthen gender awareness
Children play husband and wife in marriage imitation games, and have a better understanding of the two social roles of parents, as well as a deeper sense of gender.
Developmental psychologist Erikson argues:
Play is an external manifestation of the child's inner world, and it is also one of the important ways for children to recognize and participate in reality.
Preschoolers are very keen on role-playing games, and each role-play is a process of learning more about the social relationships that the role represents.
When Nande and Tatsumi in "Villain Country" play husband and wife in the game, they invite guests together, go to work, work overtime, take care of the baby, and so on.
In "Villain Country", Nande and Chenchen play mom and dad
Children explore the world of their parents in imitation, feel the hardships of their parents in busy games, and deepen their understanding of their parents' social roles.
Playing parents, dividing labor and cooperating in the game to complete the specific things of the family, boys and girls gradually begin to identify with their gender, strengthening gender awareness.
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<h1 class="pgc-h-arrow-right" > how to help children get through the sensitive period of marriage</h1>
1. Respect your child
When children talk about who they like and who they want to marry, parents need to respect their children's emotions, encourage them to express their inner thoughts, listen to their children's love stories, and share their children's happiness and sorrow.
If parents think their emotions are ridiculous, or even spread them out as jokes, they will only make children feel sad and lost that their emotions are not valued and respected, and they may no longer be willing to express their emotions in the future.
When Teacher Li of "Little Man Country" participated in Lin Yufeng and Yin Yin's princess selection marriage game, he agreed with the decision of the two children and was truly happy for their happiness.
Allowing children to express emotions normally through various forms, not highlighting or deliberately ignoring, and treating it as a natural thing is the greatest respect for children.
Children have completely psychological, very innocent feelings for their friends of the opposite sex. In the sensitive period of marriage, the object of children's love gradually develops to people other than their parents, which is the process of children leaving their father and mother.
2. Understand the child
Children in the sensitive period of marriage will occur in various situations, such as three twilight four: today like this, tomorrow like another; such as jealousy: like the boy (girl) child does not like himself, always with others, so jealousy arises...
In the movie "Little Naughty Nikolai's Vacation", Nikolai and Mary originally liked each other, but when they went to the beach for a vacation, they liked the newly acquainted Isabella. When Isabella learns of Mary's existence, she becomes jealous of her and urges Nikolai to write a letter announcing her breakup.
Children show emotional instability because they begin to carefully observe and discover the personality characteristics of others, and there are always new discoveries, so the standards are constantly changing, and the people they like will change with them. And each change is a new experience and practice for children.
Jealousy is also a common phenomenon in the sensitive period of young children's marriages, which is actually normal possessiveness.
Some children, like Isabella, become jealous of others after being with their sweethearts.
Some are loveless and jealous of those who are with their sweethearts. Then he will slowly understand that sometimes no matter how hard he tries to approach and attract the other person, he or she cannot make him or her like himself or herself, because he or she cannot determine the emotions of others.
Slowly, the child will recognize and accept, and then try to deal with the relationship in a more rational way in order to get rid of uncomfortable emotions.
When children experience various situations, parents do not need to rush to criticize, educate, and correct, but understand the child, believe that the child can solve it well, and obtain self-growth. When the child really can't solve it, the parents will give appropriate guidance.
Sun Ruixue said in the book "Capturing Children's Sensitive Period":
At this time, as a parent and teacher, you can tell the child that if the person he likes does not like him, then he can choose again.
3. Proper guidance and establishment of a correct concept of marriage
The sensitive period of marriage is the inevitable process of children's growth, and it is also an opportunity for parents to guide their children and establish a simple and correct marriage relationship for their children. Picture book stories and helping children solve practical problems are common methods.
With the help of picture book stories that interpret marital relationships, parents can let children intuitively observe and explore the relationship between love and marriage.
Such as "Crocodile Loves Giraffe", "Move Over, Move Over", "Born a Couple", "Why I Hate That Girl", "I Hate My Mother" and so on.
In the warm and interesting picture book story, the child sees the difficulties and contradictions in love and marriage from different angles, such as the pain of pursuit, the troubles of getting along, the happiness of union, and so on. Learn that marriage is based on loving each other.
At the same time, in the practice of going with the flow, parents respect their children's decisions and let them have a deeper experience.
Teacher Hu Ping mentioned in the book "Understanding Virginity" series focusing on "children's love" that two children in Ba Gakuen, Jia and Rui, held a wedding in Ba Gakuen after falling in love for a long time.
However, only a week later, Jia and Rui decided to divorce after consultation. The reason is that Jia is jealous of Rui talking to other girls, and Rui believes that marriage cannot limit her freedom to chat with others.
After Jia and Rui happily divorced, the relationship is still very good. Jia rationally thinks that the two are divorced, and Rui can talk to other girls.
Children respect the true emotions and thoughts in their hearts, experience marriage and divorce, recognize the contradictions in marriage, and actively think and properly handle the relationship between the two, which lays the foundation for dealing with the emotional relationship with others in the future.
Picture books and practices can deepen children's understanding of the concept of marriage, and see that love is not only sweet and beautiful, but also contradictory and problematic, and two people need to work together.
4. Establish boundaries for behavior
When parents find that when they find two children hugging and kissing, they cannot use the ideas of adults to defile the child's emotions at will, and strictly prohibit the child's behavior, which will make the child feel ashamed of his normal emotions and cannot experience the beauty of emotions.
In the 2004 documentary "Kindergarten," the boys in the kindergarten felt bad when asked, "Who would you say I love you to?" and shyly said that the matter was "disgusting."
Kindergarten answers the question for the boy
Pure and flawless emotions, under the influence of adults' narrow thoughts, become "quite disgusting" things in the eyes of children. In this regard, it is regrettable that children will not only look at emotions with distorted ideas, but also be deprived of the opportunity to experience beautiful emotions.
Educator Sukhomlinsky said:
The problem of love is a major problem in the formation of personality. The lack of the ability to love will plunge the child into a lack of love for the rest of his life.
In contrast, after Hum kissed the little puff in "Where Did Daddy Go 5", his father Du Jiang seriously told Hum: "You want your relatives' family, you need to ask for consent." ”
Du Jiang did not forbid the child's emotions and behaviors, but clearly informed the boundaries of behavior: what can be done and what cannot be done.
If children can clearly define their own behavior boundaries, they will know how to respect others and how to protect themselves. After experiencing a good emotional experience, you can successfully pass the sensitive period of marriage and lay the foundation for better management of emotions in your future life.
5. Create good family relationships and set positive examples
The harmonious and beautiful marriage relationship between parents can establish a healthy concept of marriage for children. The bits and pieces of parental life will also be engraved in the child's mind and become a reference for the child to handle the marital relationship.
The happy marriage between Qian Zhongshu and Yang Dai deeply affected her daughter Qian Zhen, so that she always carefully managed the marriage.
Qian Yu's marriage to her first husband, Wang Deyi, was very happy. Unfortunately, Wang Deyi committed suicide during the Cultural Revolution. A few years later, Qian Yu and her second husband Yang Weicheng married, and the two were emotionally harmonious and stable, and Qian Yu and her stepson and stepdaughter also got along very well.
A good marriage relationship between parents will subtly affect the child, so that he always maintains a positive attitude towards marriage and family, and learns how to run a happy family.
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The children in "Little Man's Country" have "love" because they have entered the sensitive period of marriage. This is an important stage for children to establish a good concept of marriage and understand the marriage relationship, and it is also an important process for them to grow.
Parents respect their children's emotional cognition, understand their children's emotional expression, understand the important meaning behind them, and know the ways and methods of coping, in order to help children successfully pass through the sensitive period of marriage, enrich and improve their emotions and growth.