When we were young, we all heard the fairy tale of "The Ugly Duckling", which tells that a little swan was born in a flock of ducks, and everyone thought it was an ugly duck. The ugly duckling grew up bumpy all the way, until it turned into a white swan, and then really understood that it was not a duck, but a swan.
When you grow up, carefully recall this story, and ask why the ugly duckling can become a white swan? Because it was meant to be a swan. Why do people find this story inspiring? Because we subconsciously think that the ugly duckling is a duck, it has completed the metamorphosis, and in our consciousness we always think that the swan is better than the duck.
If ducks can really fly and become white swans, then countless duck mothers will let their baby ducks practice flying in the trees without a problem, but can they really fly? Can they become swans? Do they need to be swans? Why should they become swans?
So the story of the Ugly Duckling is never an inspirational story, it is a self-actualization of life, a process of realizing one's true self through effort.
At the beginning of the story, the ugly duckling thinks that he looks ugly, sad, and ashamed. At this time it does not know that it is a swan, what does it think it is? It's a duck.
And it's an ugly duck.
Because it feels that it looks different from its brothers and sisters, they all think that the ugly duckling is ugly, and other cats, dogs, and chickens will echo it, and they all judge and look down on it according to their own philosophy of life.
Therefore, the cognition of the ugly duckling is to think that he is an ugly duck, a different kind, which is the impact of the growth environment on life.
So at the beginning of the story, the ugly duckling lives according to the duck's way of life, which is the distance between the concept of the self and the true self.
The ugly duckling's mother and its family tell him that you are a duck. At this time, do the relatives of the ugly duckling recognize the real it? I don't know. But they all thought they knew, and the ugly duckling himself thought he knew himself, and I was an ugly duck.
That's the scary part.
So do we know our children?
As parents, we will say, "I gave birth to you, raised you, don't know you yet, I don't know what kind of style you are, can I still give you a loss?" ”
The ugly duckling's mother also loves its baby, and when the ugly duckling stands in the tree to fly, the mother will say: "Oh my God, it's terrible, come down, come down, the duck can never fly, how dangerous."
We adults have such blind self-confidence, and then we will raise it and teach it according to the cognitive structure we think we have in our hearts. This is how you use love to deny, love to bind, love to feel that you should do this or not.
This real life is not seen, only what I want to see can be seen.
When the ugly duckling stood on a high place for the first time and wanted to fly, the mother duck told it: "Come down". At this time, as a child, will it try, or will it listen to the mother?
When children are young, what they are most afraid of is that their mothers say: "I don't want you, I don't care about you, I ignore you", in the child's attachment period, once the use of emotional withdrawal and withdrawal, for the child is equivalent to death as terrible. So what is important to fly is important to what the mother says; what is important to be happy or unhappy, and what is important to be happy is to be happy. Happiness and death are insignificant and needless.
There was a video on the Internet before, a father riding behind a motorcycle sitting on his own child, when he made a sharp turn at a light post, the child fell from the back seat, then the child in the video could not care about the pain, immediately stood up and cried and ran to the father, you can imagine how scared this child was at that time, may realize that my father is gone, I am going to die. When his father found out, he immediately went over and kicked the child and scolded him for not sitting well.
Imagine how helpless this child should be, when he saw his father, his protector, his father told him with action: Your fear is not important, you let me trouble is important, I am now angry is important. This child will close all his true feelings, don't shed tears, don't show fear, and even have to apologize to his father.
Does such a child dare to cry casually when he grows up? When he wanted to cry, there would be a voice in his heart telling him: Shut up.
Have we given our children the right to fly?
Have we paid attention to how they really feel?
Do we really know our children?
Back to the story, why can the ugly duckling fly? Because it is a little swan, its parents are swans, this is the innate potential, has nothing to do with the efforts of the day after tomorrow, just like the seed of a pine tree and the seed of an oak tree, when it first grows into a young seedling, a young branch, until it becomes a tree, we know that they are different, that is, a potential from life itself, just like the ugly duckling is a swan, it can fly.
So this is a figurative story of making yourself your own, Andersen's. When Andersen was young, because of his poor birth and experienced ups and downs, he believed that birth determines everything, this is a world of faces, ugly when everyone is suspicious, beautiful when people see people love, but he himself will eventually become a beautiful swan, which also reflects Andersen's narcissism in his personal talent.
Like the emperor's new clothes, obviously everyone can't see it, but they all say they can see it, now think about it, is it just talking about clothes? There are too many stupid people in this society who deceive themselves. When you grow up, you will look at Andersen's fairy tales, which are full of creepy metaphors, which are innocent and harmless from a distance, not painful or itchy; under the unreasonable, impermanent, ruthless, and serious truth of human nature, in the light and fluttering conversation and laughter, it is inconvenient to explain the code of life.
And all this is where man's pain lies, that is, the incongruity and inconsistency between the conceptual self and the real self, when the ugly duckling realizes that he is a white swan and can fly bravely, it knows the real self, and it has become the real self, and people have finally realized that it is a white swan.