Reading Zhang Ailing's prose these days, there is a sentence: Being able to love someone to the point of asking him for pocket money is a harsh test. Suddenly there were many feelings, some faint sentimentality flowing in the bottom of my heart, because I found that a woman's life was actually just the life of a passer-by. The ancients once regarded the marriage of a woman as a home, which shows that parents are only the original homeland for their daughters and not the final home. Although the woman grows up here, she will eventually grow up on a certain day, wait for the price to be sold, integrate into another family, and begin to be another form of passer-by as a foreign identity, and realize the final ending of making a hometown in another place. Therefore, what women lack and need most is a sense of belonging: to belong to men, marriage to children, which cannot but be said to be a woman's sorrow. For today's women, the sadness under the fence may have long been abstracted into the old narratives of the old grandmothers, the plot of cheating tears in romance novels, because today we are more independent and autonomous than any previous generation of women, we have long been able to have our own career freedom, love autonomous marriage, independent economy, unique personality ideas, but we can never really have more equal emotions. Shu Ting's "To the Oak Tree" may be able to become popular because she wrote about women's desire for emotional equality. I long for equality, but I don't know how to be equal. No matter how strong women are willing to be only birds in front of their lovers, no matter how successful the career is for women, they cannot be regarded as a lifelong career, and we struggle to refute the view that "marriage is a woman's life's career" while involuntarily agreeing in our hearts. After all, the subtle identity accumulated by thousands of years of old ideas still affects our lives and thinking. It's like a muddy swamp, making people struggle but more than they are deep. Because we understand the sadness of being a passerby more than the women of the old days, we can more consciously resist the fate of being a passer-by: we stubbornly insist on our economic independence in order to obtain emotional independence and inner balance, we strive to clarify and actively assume responsibility for the family, the old women were proud to let men spend money, today we carry forward the AA system to deny; the old women used marriage as a means to win long-term meal tickets, and today we insist on the fairness of premarital property. With great strength, we can hide the softness and fragility of our hearts, hide the dependence and attachment of emotions, hide the flickering eyes, the love of the corners of the eyebrows, and watch over his bitterness and self-congratulation and self-pity, and we strive to hide our thoughts of inappropriate actions from the time when they have not occurred, and let our hearts and feelings pretend to be indifferent. We resist the sharper reality with a thinner and more brittle soul than the old women, and we bear the hidden pain of a thousand years and bear the evaluation that "today's women are too strong". We are actually afraid of becoming passers-by but let ourselves become passers-by in the subconscious evasion and abandonment; we actually long to get belonging but let ourselves end up with nothing to belong before the deliberate distance. Suddenly understood why Zhang Ailing would be lonely for life, because after all, being able to love someone to the point of asking him for pocket money was too harsh a test. In the end, Zhang Ailing did not find a place that allowed her to overcome the so-called self-esteem and deliberate rebellion to truly blend in with it, regardless of each other, rich and poor feelings, did not find a person who loved enough to ask him for pocket money, she finally lost her homeland because of independence and even ended up in her hometown, becoming an eternal passerby. I don't know if I'm also deliberately rebelling against the fate of passers-by, stubbornly pursuing deliberate equality, but I know that I also long to fall in love with someone to the point of asking him for pocket money, even if I know that it is still too harsh a test.