There are no ifs in life

Maybe I'm really a different person than others, or maybe I'm an outlier in the eyes of others. A little boy can actually sing the female voice and Yang Yuying's songs, once became the most popular little singer in the class, at that time I was really proud, as if I was God's darling. If my parents had that condition to send me to cultivate and excavate, with my talent at that time, I would have been able to become a child star who sang back and forth (such as Li Yugang) at least I could be a big hit [laughing and crying] but there was no if in life, of course, I never complained about my parents because of this matter, because as long as I was happy and proud, it was enough. Since I was a child, I have liked to mingle with girls, jumping leather bands, throwing sandbags have become my favorites, and I will not feel any restraint with girls, as if everything is so natural and casual. But those boys like to play with mud, climb trees and dig bird nests I have never been interested, because I feel so dirty, so I don't seem to have any male friends since I was a child [laughing and crying]

Because when I was a child, I looked too much like a girl, my parents combed my little braids and put on a skirt, and then let the neighbors and friends around me guess whether I was a boy or a girl, but the neighbors insisted that it was a girl, and bet money, and the neighbors lost, took off their pants to see, haha [laughed and cried] and then later, I slowly entered adolescence and began to grow throat knots, and my proudest voice also changed and mute, and I could no longer sing a beautiful female voice. Because the behavior and actions are more feminine, slowly the classmates began to hate me for alienating me, laughing at me, and gave me an ugly nickname "false woman", maybe I was cowardly by nature, others bullied me, I never dared to resist, I could only endure silently. I remember my father saying such a sentence: This child's personality became more and more withdrawn, that is, at that time I became autistic and inferior, every day I was alone, I did not dare to go near my classmates and talk to them, because I felt that they hated me and despised me, and at that time I seemed to feel that everything was gray, a lonely self

Then I moved into the boys' dormitory, and luckily there were a few boys in this dormitory who were in the same place as me, and they were quite friendly to me. I remember sleeping on the top bunk, because the southern winter is particularly cold, the boy on the bottom bunk suddenly said to me: Or you come down and sleep with me, sure enough, the temperature of the two boys is really much warmer, I instantly feel that I am not so lonely, I seem to have friends. The boy who slept with me in a quilt was a very handsome and sunny boy who was very athletic, and I don't know why I feel so happy every time I see him, he sometimes gets lazy and lets me help him with food and hot water, and I will be happy to do these things for him. Later, I seemed to get used to sleeping with him, and he would sometimes hold me and put his arms around me, of course I knew that it was just a way for him to warm each other up. But then I was surprised to find that I actually really liked him, and the happiest thing I do every night to study is to run to the dormitory to meet him at the first time, and I even feel a little shy. Until one day he suddenly said to me that he liked a girl in his class, and bought a plastic ring for this girl, he actually picked up my finger and tried on this ring, my God, I really don't know how I was feeling at the time, I seemed to be angry but I never showed too obvious, because I knew he liked girls, he just treated me as a buddy or roommate. So I dropped out of school and graduated, the last night I left school I ran to the playground and cried sadly, I didn't have the courage to tell him that I liked him because I was afraid he would stay away from me or even afraid of me, I knew it was just a little ridiculous crush, I never even thought I would be a "gay" because in my brain, there was never this concept, I just knew that I really liked this guy because he was very warm and sunny

After dropping out of school, my father asked me what I wanted to do or learn something, I accidentally saw the advertisement of that beauty salon vocational school on TV, perhaps out of a beauty-loving nature, I told my father that I was going to go to this school, and my father resolutely decided to support me to go, because he saw that my nature was suitable for this profession, so my father sent me to the train to Wuhan, that year I was 15 years old, and this experience was the only closest contact with my father. After dad had paid the tuition and settled in my bedroom, I was leaving, and I looked at my dad's distant back and cried, it was the first time I was crying so sad because of my father's departure, because I knew that I was going to face everything alone in this strange big city. Fortunately in this school the students are very fond of me, I am simply a pistachio loved by everyone and no one bullied me, everyone is particularly friendly to me, that is, at that time I met a pair of good sisters in Wuhan, my sister is called Huang Hui, my sister is called Huang Jing, we became a good girlfriend who talked about everything, in fact, at that time I had thought about falling in love with my sister Huang Jing, I saw that she liked to play with me and even went shopping hand in hand, and the students once thought that the two of us were in love [laughing and crying] But Huang Jing and I never really sparked love, and later went to Huang Jing's home in Wuhan, and I saw that her father didn't look down on me, a poor boy from out of town [laughing and crying], or me and Huang Jing were more of a friendship than love. Later, after I graduated from school, these two sisters also provided me with some help, and also took me to the salon for an internship and worked with me, and now in retrospect, it is really a very beautiful friendship worth cherishing

Let's talk about my studies in this vocational school at that time, at the beginning I applied for a beauty salon class, but I accidentally found a very peculiar phenomenon in me, I actually had no interest in hairdressing courses, I had no interest in helping others cut their hair, on the contrary, I was particularly interested in beauty courses and makeup courses, and especially liked the beauty teacher's course, learning beauty techniques is also very talented and inspired, so that I once got praise and praise from the teacher. But after all, I was a boy, at that time the boy as a beautician or makeup artist was simply a cold door, and then the teacher cheered me up and suggested that I apply for a senior beauty class, they said: You look at people Mao Geping, Jimmy is excellent, you have to insist on being yourself, don't care what others think of you. I was because I listened to this sentence and then called my father to ask my father to re-enroll me in the advanced beauty class, but my father was not rich and blamed me, a big man to learn what beauty ah, but I had to insist, my father had to piece together and make up a little tuition for me, but only half of the money was paid at that time. In this way, a boy of mine successfully entered the advanced beauty class, the whole class was full of girls on my one boy, I was really embarrassed at that time ah [laughing and crying] The teacher specially chose me to be the class leader in order to encourage me, but everything did not go well, because the beautician had to learn the beauty of the body in addition to learning facial beauty, and no girl was willing to contribute her body to practice, because there was a difference between men and women [laughing and crying] and I did feel very embarrassed, after all, I was only 15 years old. What made me feel most uncomfortable was that the classmates in the school began to talk about me behind my back, saying: That person is perverted, what kind of beauty does a big man learn, and the whole class doesn't think that he is a boy don't think don't pinch it? So I gave up this study after a few days of study, or I was fooled by the teacher, the teacher just wanted me to pay for the tuition, but at that time I was only 15 years old, where can I distinguish between the black and white and sinister of this society, I am simply like a blank piece of paper. In this way, I left Wuhan and returned home, and because of this incident, I had some resentment and unhappiness with my father. Later, my father said to me very seriously: Boys should do what boys should do, you still have to learn hairdressing, but it is true that at that time, a boy can become an excellent hairdresser is indeed a very great thing, but at the same time it takes a lot of heartache and effort. So I set off alone to go to Wuhan, officially entered my hairdressing learning career, but also to meet one of my father's wishes, that is, at this time, I experienced what is called the "bitterness" of life, my life has also gone astray...