The Xi'an singer Xu Wei is a rather unique being, with all kinds of contradictions in his body, but he has perfectly reached a state of integration.
For example, he is a well-known mainland singer, and his songs are quite highly sung, but he himself has not been valued by popular songs. Xu Wei, who has many popular works, is almost transparent, and his fan group is quite niche. For example, Xu Wei has always been defined as a "rock singer", but his works rarely appear hoarse and hysterical, and even the lyrics are not like other rock singers, expressing their resentment and resistance to reality in a straightforward and simple way. However, in Xu Wei's songs, we can feel a strong rebellion and independence, but his expression is peaceful and bright.
As a singer from Shaanxi, Xu Wei flowed with the humanistic blood of the Land of Sanqin, and in this land, literary giants such as Lu Yao and Chen Zhongzhong were born. But Xu Wei, who grew up in xi'an, the ancient capital of the millennium, inevitably became contaminated with a more complex and profound atmosphere, and one of the breaths was brought about by Buddhist culture. Chinese culture has been "three-legged" for thousands of years, since the White Horse Temple has been transmitted, Buddhist thought has occupied a place in Chinese culture, and then constantly integrated with Chinese local thought, "you have me, I have you" can no longer be separated. There were two heydays of Buddhism in China, Buddhism developed highly during the extremely turbulent Wei and Jin dynasties, and reached its peak during the glorious Tang Dynasty. The central location of Buddhism in the Tang Dynasty is naturally Chang'an, which has been haunted by Chinese souls for thousands of years, which is precisely the hometown of Xu Wei, and it is also the hometown of Xuanzang Sanzang.
The author believes that the influence of the hometown on a person is quite large, Xi'an, as the center of Buddhism in northern China for thousands of years, naturally makes the people who grow up there contaminated with the atmosphere of emptiness, and the ancestral court of the eight major sects of Chinese Buddhism is located there, which is a veritable "Buddha's country". In fact, the author's hometown of Quanzhou, Fujian Province, is also a famous "Buddha country" in the southern coast, and the "Minnan Buddhist College" (Xiamen) founded by Master Taixu has produced many senior monks, and among them is Master Hongyi, who cannot be bypassed in the history of modern Buddhism. In his later years, Master Hongyi has been active in temples such as Quanzhou Kaiyuan Temple and Chengtian Temple, which is the place where he inhabited his Dharma body in his later years, and Chengtian Temple is the place where he incarnated. I had a relationship with the Buddha, because my boy's residence was next to the Chengtian Temple, and I had already heard about Master Hongyi's past.
The East and West Twin Pagodas stand in the Kaiyuan Temple, and after more than 1,300 years, countless Quanzhou people have looked up to them for a lifetime, and I am one of them. The big and small wild goose pagodas also stood in the ancient capital of Chang'an for a thousand years, and countless people in Xi'an looked up to them to spend their lives, and Xu Wei should be one of them. Growing up in Quanzhou, the "starting point of the Maritime Silk Road", with this little bit of Buddha's edge, I listened to the Buddhist intention of Xu Wei's works to interrupt the continuity of life, Xi'an, which is the "starting point of the overland Silk Road". Quanzhou and Xi'an face each other from north to south, and Xuanzang and Hongyi and two senior monks died everywhere, which is a wonderful cause.
Xu Wei, an independent musician known as a "Zen rock singer", after experiencing the torment of major depression, regained the momentary light between the hearts with Buddhism. He wrote two classic songs, "Blue Lotus" and "Empty Valley Youlan", the former written for Xuanzang Sanzang and the latter for Master Hongyi.
Under the east and west towers, is my home
"Nothing can stop you from yearning for freedom; your imaginative career, your heart is free of concern."
This is the lyrics of Xu Wei's most popular song "Blue Lotus", which was released on December 18, 2002 (album "Time Walk"), and is one of the title songs on Xu Wei's third album. The song uses the image of the "blue lotus" in an extremely rare way, which is derived from the ancient legend of Buddhism, symbolizing wisdom, eternity, life and holiness, and is full of a strong Buddhist atmosphere. And Xu Wei himself confessed that this was what he wrote for Xuanzang Sanzang, that day he and his family looked at the statue of Xuanzang under the Big Wild Goose Pagoda, and suddenly their hearts were full of light and joy, and soon after the song poured out.
"Xuanzang himself was a man of strong character and very firm convictions, and his influence on China's cultural history was enormous... When I wrote "Blue Lotus", I also sang this spirit and sang about people with firm convictions. Xu Wei said in an interview that he had been depressed for several years at this time, and Xuanzang's deeds gave him a lot of strength.
The bronze statue of Xuanzang Sanzang in the south square of the Big Wild Goose Pagoda
When Xu Wei's depression began, the anecdotal accounts are very inconsistent, but the approximate time should be after his career is successful. In 1995, Xu Wei's lyrics and composition of "Persistence" was sung by Tian Zhen and became a hit, and at this time Xu Wei began to enter people's field of vision, in other words- he was red. Xu Wei, an independent musician who has been wandering for many years, finally waited for the moment when his dream blossomed, and flowers and applause surrounded him. In 1998, xu Wei's songs from his debut album "Elsewhere" were included in the Anthology of Contemporary Chinese Poetry, which established his position in the music scene. "Fame and fortune" did not bring him much joy, but led him into the depression of the pool, I don't know when to start, he lost sleep all night.
Around 2000, it was the flashpoint of Xu Wei's depression, but his symptoms were not obvious at this time. Until around 2003, he encountered a new bottleneck in creation, and his depression, which had been difficult to break through, became more and more serious. In the early hours of one morning, Xu Wei, who had been insomnia for a long time, walked to the balcony, then climbed out of the window and stood on the air conditioner hanging outside —he was ready to jump and cut himself off. But fortunately, his wife discovered this situation and grabbed his hand in tears, and Xu Wei was relieved.
"What are you going to do?" Have you ever thought about me? His wife's words made Xu Wei choke for a moment, and then he went to the hospital accompanied by his wife. The doctor quickly gave the diagnosis - major depression, Xu Wei was relatively calm, but his wife was completely panicked. Therefore, in order to prevent her husband from accidents, Xu Wei's wife took his parents from his hometown in Xi'an to Beijing, and the three of them took care of him together. At the moment of seeing his parents, Xu Wei still shed tears, and the white-haired old man did not speak, just standing in front of him was enough to make him cry.
Xu Wei and his wife
"My baby, if you have a disease, you can cure it, it's not a big deal!" Although his father's tone was as calm as usual, Xu Wei knew that his heart was not feeling well.
During this time, Xu Wei has been in a groggy state, he does not want to see anyone and refuses any communication, in his own words - "watching the passage of time". This extremely empty and lonely situation makes it easy for people to fall into a desperate situation, and naturally, Xu Wei thought of the common choice of many literary and art workers: self-determination. Even when his parents came to his side, he still couldn't cut off the suicidal thoughts, so he began to consciously or unconsciously confess his aftermath. Where the family's passbook is placed, what is the password, which doctor is more familiar with him, which friends can be relied on, Xu Wei deliberately said them very "naturally", but this still can't escape the eyes of his parents.
How could his parents not know about the child he gave birth to? It's just that no one has debunked it, and everyone is trying their best to maintain a kind of calm, afraid that any wind and grass will affect Xu Wei's mood. But even so, Xu Wei still committed suicide, he tried several times on the edge of life and death, and was pulled back by his own family several times. His mother couldn't stand it, and when Xu Wei "explained the aftermath", she couldn't help but cry:
"Don't say it, I don't want to hear it."
"If you die, we won't go back to Xi'an, we'll just wander around Beijing."
Xu Wei knelt in front of his father's bed late one night and cried: "Dad, I will never commit suicide again, I will give you a pension to the end." ”
Xu Wei, who was later interviewed
The two old men went around seeking medical treatment, as long as there was a little hope not to give up, all kinds of folk remedies have been tried. Xu Wei's father heard that running can cure insomnia, so he pulled him along to run at night, and the empty street in the middle of the night, the white-haired old man and his son running were moving.
"Listening to Daddy's heavy panting, I felt bad!"
There were only four people in the family, which was usually quite deserted, so Xu Wei's parents tried to invite Xu Wei's friends to play at home, and even took the initiative to pick them up. In this way, the Xu family, who had not sounded music for a long time, once again flowed out of the long-lost notes, and the moment they got the piano again, Xu Wei burst into tears. But Xu Wei's change made his father extremely happy, in his own words: "My father sat in the corner, listening to the sound of the piano and singing at home, and smiled with satisfaction." ”
"I once dreamed of fighting the sword to go to the end of the world and see the prosperity of the world", this is the voice of Xu Wei when he was young and rebellious, born in 1968, he was already old when the new century came, and he had already seen through the prosperity of this world.
From a wandering bar singer to an independent musician who became a hit, Xu Wei, this man who came out of the ancient capital of Chang'an has experienced too much. Fame and fortune bring him not only material enjoyment, but also the shackles of the depths of the soul, and when he gets it, he is afraid of losing it, which is the nature of human nature. It was because of this that he suffered from extremely severe depression, and his wandering soul had nowhere to rest.
But after all, he was a child who grew up under the Big Wild Goose Pagoda, which doomed him to have a natural affinity with Buddhism, and such a little karma profoundly changed the trajectory of his life.
In 2000, the bronze statue of Master Xuanzang was officially inaugurated on the south square of the Big Wild Goose Pagoda, and Xu Wei and his family went to visit. Under the bronze statue of Master Xuanzang, Xu Wei suddenly had an inexplicable feeling, and this emotion hit him directly in the depths of his heart, and thus the song "Blue Lotus" came out in 2002. At this time, Xu Wei already had symptoms of depression, but he did not show them thoroughly, nor was he diagnosed by the hospital, until his "amazing move" in 2003 made his illness the focus of the whole family.
Xu Wei, who sang "Blue Lotus" live at the concert, was written for Master Xuanzang
The life of great joy and great sorrow, day and night, and madness and mania had extremely destroyed Xu Wei's physical and mental health, and what he needed at this moment was inner peace, and the Buddhist faith helped him a lot. In his most painful moments, a song "Blue Lotus" gave him spiritual strength, and he would always think of Xuanzang Sanzang standing on the Yanta Square and think of his difficult journey of seeking the Fa.
"Master Xuanzang is a very pure person!"
Xu Wei began to give up something, and he kept thinking about the meaning of existence, which is actually one of the core points of Buddhist teachings. "What do people live for? What kind of life do you want? After reading through the scriptures, the answer is actually very simple, and the best life is often the simplest - ordinary, the only answer. The world's painstaking pursuit of external matter, thinking that it can bring us freedom, glory and light, do not know that too much material and fame is the obstacle that binds the soul. Xu Wei began to give up many things, and he returned to the simplest state of life, climbing mountains, practicing the piano, writing, drinking tea, reading the Bible, such a traditional and simple way of life nourished him.
With the help of returning to faith, simplifying life, and encouraging his family, Xu Wei finally got rid of depression and found himself again.
"I just want to be an ordinary person, a physically and mentally healthy person, simpler, more plain, and keep a simple child's heart!" This young man who once fought in the sword world no longer longed for the great rivers and lakes, but burrowed into the dou room and became a unity of his own.
The image of Master Xuanzang in the CCTV documentary, Liang Qichao once called it "the backbone of the nation"
"Nothing can stop you from yearning for freedom", Xu Wei before his depression was cured, perhaps he thought that freedom was a vast river, and Xu Wei after recovering from illness truly understood the meaning of freedom - it is the liberation of the soul. Some people say that Xu Wei betrayed his youth after depression, and he was no longer the young man who spilled his blood, but became an old monk who walked alone. However, the author believes that this is precisely his self-completion, from brilliant to plain, and is the ultimate destination of every wise practitioner. This is reminiscent of Master Koichi Nanzan, who is also a brilliant and bland figure, but he is more determined and thorough- with a wave of his hand, he escapes into the empty door.
"I admire Master Koichi!"
In fact, the pinnacle of all of Xu Wei's works is "Empty Valley Youlan" written for Master Hongyi, during which Zen is full of Zen and great enlightenment.
"Like an illusion, a glimpse of the great, a song at the end, a mixture of sorrow and joy."
These short 16 words can be said to highly summarize the life of Master Hongyi, and in line with the diamond sutra "like a dream like a bubble like a dew like electricity", the sentient beings in the three thousand worlds are just fleeting passers-by. Su Dongpo once had a poetry cloud: "Life is like everywhere, it should be like Feihong stepping on slush", in the end, it is just a white expanse of the earth is really clean, the high-rise buildings collapse, the guests are scattered, and they belong to the void. Before Master Hongyi passed away, he left behind the last words of "The Intersection of Sorrow and Joy" (later, "Seeing the Guan Jing"), and no one has been able to understand the three ambiguities so far, but his song is completely over after all.
Koichi's last ink - "The Intersection of Sorrow and Joy"
"Even if there is a red face, a hundred lives and a thousand disasters; it is difficult to dispel the heart of the king, and the sorrow of eternity."
This sentence is the beginning of the Empty Valley Youlan, which alludes to the Buddhist principle of "twelve causes and conditions", that all sentient beings cannot be liberated, and all arise from delusion. Sentient beings who are troubled by ignorance, if they cannot see clearly, even after hundreds of millions of monks and monks, they will still circulate in the Three Realms and cannot be liberated. The author recently lost love, deeply think that "love is sad", do not know what to do and difficult to put down, it is really eclipsed. It makes sense that Buddhism calls sentient beings "sentient beings," and that samadhi is probably something that only the experiencer can experience.
"The peak of the green peak, the mountain outside the mountain; the sunset is silent, and the starry night is sleepless." Between the sunsets, the mountains outside the mountains; the plum blossoms are quiet, and the independent spring is cold. ”
These two sentences are actually intertextual, and it uses the lyrics of "Farewell" written by Master Hongyi - the sound of the willow flute in the evening wind, the sunset outside the mountain, the meaning of which is self-evident. Although Xu Wei's song is called "Empty Valley Youlan", there is actually no "Lan" word, but the listener can feel the lanxiang. The images of "Sunset", "Starry Night", and "Plum Blossom" all unabashedly express his praise for Master Koichi, and use them very appropriately. From a Buddhist point of view, "Buddha-nature" is unattainable but not non-existent, "emptiness" is not a "vacuum", and the image of "Youlan" symbolizes "Buddha-nature" that can be said to make sense. Of course, the benevolent see the benevolent and the wise see the wise, and comparing it to Master Koichi is also a reasonable explanation.
Master Koichi "auspicious lying" circle silence Ruixiang
"A thought purifies the heart, and the flowers bloom all over the world; every time we are in a desperate situation, the peak circuit turns again."
This is actually in line with the Buddhist classic "One mind is pure, the lotus blossoms everywhere; one flower is one world, one leaf is the same", especially with the Zen Buddhism advocating "clear mind to see, immediate enlightenment". As for the second half of the sentence "peak circuit turn", it uses the Southern Song Dynasty patriotic poet Lu You's "mountains and rivers are doubtful and have no way, willows and dark flowers are bright and another village", which is also a true portrayal of Xu Wei's fight against depression. The Tang people have poetry clouds: "Thousands of sails pass by the side of the sinking boat, and ten thousand wood springs in front of the sick tree", desperate places often contain vitality, which is the power for people to see the light again in the darkness. After experiencing the ordeal, Xu Wei reached another realm, and the height of this realm was beyond that of other singers.
"But by pure faith, you can come out of the house freely; it is as if you have just woken up from a dream, and the way back is in front of you."
The first half of this sentence is used in the Pure Land Sect's classics, "But with pure faith, the Pure Land of Rebirth, renunciation from reincarnation...", and the second half of the sentence is secretly in line with the "four sentences" in the Diamond Sutra, and the Buddha's intention is full of Xu Wei's profound Buddhist cultivation. Other words such as "supreme coolness" and "silent light" are all Buddhist realms, and the realm of "silent light" is the realm of the Buddha, the realm of the enlightened. In such a flashy society, it is quite rare for a singer to have such a profound Buddhist cultivation. At the end of this song, Xu Wei directly uses Master Hongyi's "Farewell" and Su Dongpo's "Dingfeng Wave" - "Walk to the end of the world, silent mountains and rivers; listen to the evening wind, whisper the willow flute; step on the mangshoe shoes, smoke and rain to live a peaceful life; wise and courageous, and study Chang Heng Wuji." ”
"The sound of the willow flute in the evening wind is cruel, and the sunset is outside the mountain", this is the beautiful sentence left by Hongyi, "the bamboo stick and the mango shoes are lighter than the horses, and the smoke and rain are in peace; looking back at the place where it has always been, there is no wind and rain and no sunshine", this is Su Dongpo's state of mind in his later years. These classic works, whether it is imagery, rhetoric or realm, are exquisite, and Xu Wei cleverly uses them in his lyrics, which is very appropriate. And the last sentence, "Wise and Courageous," is even more a sentence that Reveals Xu Wei's heart, and he is willing to bravely and diligently advance on the road of cultivation in the future, and enter the very deep and subtle realm of Buddhism.
There is no wind or rain or sunshine - the realm of Su Shi's later years
Xu Wei is a unique presence in the Chinese pop music scene, and his works present two styles before and after depression, the former pursuing as passionately as a bard, while the latter as silent and bright as an enlightened old monk. Growing up under the Big Wild Goose Pagoda, he had an indissoluble relationship with Master Xuanzang, and at the most difficult moment of his life, in addition to his family, the power of faith helped him greatly. He has inspirational colors from bar singer to music leader, but also the human trauma of great joy and sorrow, he is both a prodigal son and a saint, and all this transformation is caused by depression.
Perhaps, as he sang in his own song, "Nothing can stop you from yearning for freedom", after experiencing the flow of life and death, he finally found freedom in another sense. From brilliant to bland and transparent, his life trajectory is similar to that of Koichi, and his "Empty Valley Youlan" created for Koichi has reached the peak of all his works. It is different from the brilliance, enthusiasm and persistence revealed in "Blue Lotus", but turns to peace, simplicity and sincerity, these two feelings are not superior, because they are Xu Wei's mental expression at the moment of creation.
The big and small wild goose pagodas and the east and west twin towers face each other from north to south, Master Xuanzang and Master Hongyi live in two places, and I, who is under the east and west pagodas of Quanzhou, like Xu Wei, who grew up under the Big Wild Goose Pagoda. His experience and works touched me, just as the author went to Chengtian Temple every day during the sleepy period to visit the relics of Master Hongyi, and listening to Xu Wei's works every day also gave me spiritual comfort.
I would like to believe that this is not a worldly point of pity, but a reflection of the brightness of the heart. Three thousand thousand sentient beings, we are just an ordinary one, ordinary will eventually be the only answer to life.