In order to live, how many middle-aged people are living a life away from home.
It's not that I don't love my hometown, but I can't find wealth in my hometown, let alone poetry and distance.
According to relevant statistics, in 2016, the total number of migrants on the mainland was 245 million. And it shows that the data of China's elderly floating population is nearly 18 million.
Nowadays, there are more people who go out and about. If you go to the village once, you will find that there are not many young people living in the village for a long time. Some elderly people, in the name of going to the city to take their babies and working in the city, no longer stay behind.
On the way, you will also wonder, how can you settle your parents for the rest of their lives?
I advise you, wandering middle-aged people, don't take your parents to your side easily.
01
Taking your parents to your side is not necessarily filial piety.
At the end of the Qin Dynasty, there was a man named Liu Xuan who farmed in Feng County for a living.
His son Liu Bang is swaggering in the market and has no serious career.
Liu Xuan was very anxious and spent most of his savings to exchange Liu Bang for the position of the chief of the Surabaya Pavilion in Pei County.
I thought that Liu Bang had a position and would keep to himself, but I was surprised that Liu Bang was still the same and had no enthusiasm for work.
In the process of escorting prisoners, Liu Bang caused several prisoners to run away because of his lax work. He simply let all the prisoners go and went to join the rebels.
Hearing that his son went to the rebel army, Liu Xuan couldn't sleep at night.
Fortunately, Liu Bang quickly became the leader, and became a big man who could be compared to Xiang Yu.
Just when Liu Xuan breathed a sigh of relief, Xiang Yu sent someone to lock Liu Xuan up, and threatened to cook Liu Xuan to blackmail Liu Bang to surrender.
Liu Bang said: "I and Xiang Yu are both in the north and ordered to conceive the king, and say, 'about brothers', I am a Weng, and I will want to cook and Weng, then I will be fortunate to share a piece of the pie." ”
Anyway, Liu Bang would not be soft, so Liu Xuan was imprisoned for several years.
Next, Liu Bang killed Xiang Yu in one go and became the emperor. Liu Xuan, as the old father, was arranged to live in the palace.
Considering that his old father had been farming all his life, Liu Bang drew a few plots of land in the palace as vegetable soil.
The living conditions are better, and the days are no longer trembling. But Liu Xuan was still very irritable. Because Liu Bang is the emperor and Liu Xuan is a commoner, when they meet, they have to use the etiquette of a monarch and a minister, and the old father has to kneel in front of his son.
Father and son meet every day, father kneels every day, how can this hard life come to an end.
After some thought, Liu Bang had a way - "So Gaozu respected the prince as the emperor."
From a peasant to a emperor, this position is high enough, but the height is too cold, and life is getting worse and worse.
There is such a description in "Xijing Miscellaneous Records": "All the things that he likes in his life are slaughtering teenagers." Alcohol is sold to the surplus. Cockfighting stumbles. Take pleasure in it. Not today. Therefore, I am not happy. Gaozu is a new abundance, moving to the old people, and the emperor is happy. ”
Using the past as a metaphor for the present, we can find that it is not a good thing for the emperor to take his parents to his side.
First, the life experiences of parents and children are very different, and forcing parents to obey their children's arrangements can be very difficult for parents.
Second, the pattern of parents and children is different, parents are in a low place, and children are in a high place, pulling each other.
Third, the parents are properly arranged, and the parents may not necessarily appreciate it, and it is the wishful thinking of the children in the end.
Fourth, when parents leave their homeland, like trees transplanted from the countryside to the city, they are sick for several years, and they can't even survive.
Fifth, when parents arrive at their children's homes, they have to be cautious, fearing that they will become a burden and cause trouble to their children.
Parents are supported, but parents live like yellow lotus, which is obviously unfilial.
02
Parents and children are not a family.
When we reach middle age, we have our own small family, which means that we are separated from the big family of our parents.
Your parents' home, your home, are two different families. Don't confuse them.
When parents and children live together for a long time, trouble comes: who will handle the expenses of three meals a day; educate the grandchildren, who has the final say; Parents and daughters-in-law are entangled, who do you want to help? Who has the right to decide the family? Aren't you worried about your parents interfering in your marriage?
If you have several siblings and you have to keep your parents with you, it's even more troublesome.
First of all, your siblings do not necessarily think that you are filial to your parents, but will think that you are greedy for your parents' money, and you want to keep your parents by your side and slowly swallow all the money to yourself. Especially parents who have a lot of savings, pensions.
Then, the parents are healthy enough to help you with some things, such as taking care of the house, taking care of the baby, and even helping you with the care of the shop. Other people see it and think that you are squeezing your parents' labor force and not filial piety.
After that, your parents really can't walk, and you have to take your parents with you, and at the same time hope that other siblings will take care of you and relieve the pressure on yourself. But the brothers and sisters don't want to come, thinking that since you have taken your parents, you have to take care of them to the end. If you have to let your siblings come, then you have to figure out how much money you have received from your parents and whether you will spit it out.
In the end, you pick up your parents and your parents are not happy, and the person your parents want to be with you is not necessarily you. Even if you are a son, your parents may not like it, but they may like their daughter.
In many large families, parents and children settle accounts. When parents are healthy, they need to spend money, borrowing money from their children, not taking money.
When children are in trouble, they also borrow from their parents. When it comes to economic exchanges, other brothers and sisters must know about it, otherwise it will cause big trouble. That's enough to show that we are several families.
03
The ancients divided filial piety into four levels: adoptive parents; the heart of an adoptive parent; adoptive parents' aspirations; The wisdom of adoptive parents.
You manage your parents' daily life well, which is the lowest level of filial piety.
There is no basis for "you love me", you don't want to take your parents to you.
From the perspective of filial piety, you can let your parents live in the place you like, and at the same time, you do three things: contact your parents every day and know that they are fine; Go home for the holidays and reunite with your parents; Make rules with your siblings to ensure that your parents don't have to worry about food and clothing.
We have become duckweed, so don't expect our parents to become duckweed.
If we live well outside, our parents will be relieved, and it is also filial piety.
We accompany our parents, not necessarily all the time, preferably not far away.
Author: Cloth Clothes Coarse Food.
Follow my words and go into your heart.
The pictures in the article come from the Internet.