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(Note: This article is purely fictional, if you have similar experiences, it is purely coincidental, please read it sensibly)
Since ancient times, it has been a matter of course to support our parents, and as children, we have the obligation and responsibility to support our parents when we grow up.
But as a person who has come over, I would like to advise all middle-aged people, if you have many siblings, even if you have good living conditions, do not support your parents alone.
Why do I say that, because I am a living example, my wife has a total of five brothers, he is the third, he has an older brother, an older sister, and two younger brothers.
Of the five brothers, he was the most promising, the only one among the brothers and sisters who was admitted to college and put down roots in the town.
Because he is the most productive and profitable one in the family, some of the big expenses in the family are basically covered by his wife.
In the first two years of work, my wife barely saved any money, first helped my eldest brother build a new house and marry a daughter-in-law, and then Zhang Luo built a wedding house for the fourth and fifth brothers.
So when the two of us got married, except for the dozens of square meters of small houses on his unit, there was nothing, no bride price, not even a decent wedding.
The suit on the day of the wedding photo was borrowed by his colleagues in their unit, but even so, I willingly followed him.
Before I got married, my parents-in-law didn't care about me and my wife, and after I got married, let alone came to us every month to ask for living expenses, I never stepped into the door of my house again.
However, I am also happy to be idle, there is a conflict between my mother-in-law and daughter-in-law, and I gave birth to a daughter in the second year of marriage, and in order not to delay my work, I wanted to ask my mother-in-law to come over and help me take care of my daughter for a while.
My mother-in-law told me that she still had to help my eldest brother take care of her grandson, and she didn't have time to help me, but at that time, my eldest brother's children were more than five years old, and there was no need to be around all the time to watch.
I didn't bother with my mother-in-law, so I called my mother over to help me watch the children and take care of our daily life by the way.
At that time, my mother was still a factory worker, and she had to quit her job to help me take care of the children, and in order to compensate her, my husband and I decided to give my mother some money every month, which was regarded as compensation for her.
I don't know where my mother-in-law heard about this and had a big fight with us, and she had to ask us to give her money every month, but my husband explained to him that my mother would give money because she helped us take care of the children and take care of our daily life.
The mother-in-law was not happy when she heard this, and said that I will also go to watch the children for you, and I will also cook and do laundry for you, and you have to give me money.
I said that there was already my mother at home, and there was no need for so many people, and there were too many people to live in.
My mother-in-law glanced at me and said, I know that you and Xiaohui (wife) are not the same heart, and you are thinking about how to get the money you earn to your mother's house, and now I ask you to give me some, and you will push and shout, not happy at all.
My mother-in-law made such an unreasonable fuss, and we really had nothing to do, so we could only ask my mother to move back and my mother-in-law to move in.
Since my mother-in-law moved in, my life has not been interrupted, and I told my mother-in-law how to take care of the children and how to do laundry.
My mother-in-law didn't listen, saying that she had raised five children with her own local methods, so she didn't have to be so squeamish, and I asked my mother-in-law to wash the clothes of adults and children separately, but she didn't listen, saying that it was a waste of water and that it cost a lot of water.
Not only that, but my mother-in-law also made the dishes very salty, and when I asked her, she actually said that it was deliberate, saying that the dishes were not easy to spoil, and the food was slow, and the most important thing was that she could save some money for buying vegetables.
My wife and I talked about my mother-in-law many times, but she always followed her old ideas and didn't listen to our advice at all, and finally we couldn't stand it anymore and found an excuse to send my mother-in-law back to the countryside.
After my mother-in-law left, I didn't dare to invite my mother back, for fear that my mother-in-law would quarrel with me again because of this matter.
During the day, my husband and I took turns taking care of the children, and when we got home at night, we had to cook and do laundry and take care of the children.
I finally got through the hardest years, the children went to school, we could take a breath, and my mother-in-law came to give birth again, saying that there was no boy in the family, and asked us to hurry up and have another boy while we were young.
When we didn't agree, my mother-in-law scolded us, saying that we had cut off his family's incense ......, and I told my mother-in-law that the eldest brother and the fourth brother and fifth brother all had boys, so why did they cut off the incense.
My mother-in-law couldn't say why, and then I heard from my sister-in-law that my mother-in-law was afraid that we would not have a son, and she would leave all the family property to outsiders in the future.
My wife and I are quite unaccustomed to my mother-in-law's approach, so except when we have to go back to our hometown, we both can hide, and if we can solve the problem with money, we will not go back, so as to save ourselves from worrying.
Later, after the death of my father-in-law, this atmosphere of peace and quiet was broken, and the eldest brother, the fourth brother and the fifth brother fought because of the mother-in-law's pension problem.
They all want the right to use the old house in the mother-in-law's hands and a few acres of thin land in their names, but none of them want to take their mother-in-law over to support the elderly, and they all excuse each other and say that they don't have time.
In the end, it was his own mother, and his wife couldn't bear to watch her mother-in-law being pushed over and over, and she was angry in the middle, and said to his brothers, I am about to retire, and I have time, so I will be responsible for our mother's pension.
I have a daughter at home, the burden is small, and I have a pension in my hand, so you don't have to give me money, just come back to see our mother often, don't make her old man feel cold.
My wife and my brothers happily agreed, and in the end, the house and land in the hometown were not monopolized by the family, but were divided equally, of course, there was nothing for my wife.
My mother-in-law felt that the first few days of my family were quite normal, perhaps because she had not recovered from the resignation of her sons, and she did not dare to "make a mistake" in my family.
I was also distressed when I looked at my mother-in-law, and I felt a little less resentful towards her, so I did my best to serve her, and took her to play in the town for a few days to relax.
About a week later, my mother-in-law's energy recovered, and she became the same aggressive appearance as before, pointing fingers at me and my wife, and disgusted that we didn't take good care of us.
I didn't bother with her, since she raised the problem, then I tried my best to change, but I didn't expect the kindness to be reciprocated.
My mother-in-law looked even more rampant when she saw that I was submissive, and all day long she either didn't think the food was up to taste, or the house was not cleaned for her, or the clothes were not washed by hand.
Regardless of her own complaints, she also told her eldest brother, second sister, and two younger brothers about these things, during that time, my wife and I could receive their accountability calls almost every day, and my wife and I felt wronged, but no one told us, so we could only bear it silently.
The year before last, my mother-in-law had a sudden cerebral hemorrhage, and although she was rescued in time, she was also paralyzed in bed and couldn't take care of herself.
After being discharged from the hospital, my mother-in-law's temper became more irritable, my wife fed him, she didn't eat well, sometimes one didn't want to, so she threw the bowl directly on the ground, and finally had to tell people that we abused her and didn't give her food.
Because she was paralyzed in bed, her mother-in-law's eating, drinking, and lazing had to be solved in bed, but her mother-in-law was still stubborn and refused to use diapers.
The two of us also let her go, but my wife and I were miserable, and I had to bathe my mother-in-law several times a day, and the sheets and covers were changed several times a day, and it was not easy to dry in winter, so I couldn't change them at all.
Later, it is not a way to see my mother-in-law always make such a fuss, I discussed with my wife to buy a wheelchair for my mother-in-law, usually when the weather is good, I push her out for a walk, but also look at the scenery outside, and wake up all day to think about how to "ponder" the two of us.
After the mother-in-law was paralyzed, the eldest brother and the fourth brother and the fifth brother came a few times and brought some things, but they were all inedibles that the mother-in-law could not eat, either too sweet or too hard.
But even so, my mother-in-law was very happy, and as soon as they came, they praised them for their filial piety, and they wanted to come and see it when they were so far away, and then they complained to them about me and my wife.
At the beginning, the eldest brother and the fourth brother and the fifth brother also had trouble with us, but after coming a few times, I found that my mother-in-law was always talking like that, and I saw through my mother-in-law's careful thinking.
The conflict between us was last winter, when I was noisy by my mother-in-law and couldn't sleep well all night, and I wanted to make up for some sleep during the day, but my mother-in-law called me all the time, and my body couldn't stand it at all.
When I was bathing my mother-in-law with my wife, I fainted without warning, and then my wife called my daughter and a neighbor and took me to the hospital.
My wife couldn't stay with me for long, because my mother-in-law still needed to take care of me, so I asked my daughter to take a leave of absence and stay with me in the hospital for two days.
Later, my daughter's company couldn't leave, so my wife called my eldest brother, second sister, and fourth brother and fifth brother, saying that they would come to the city to take care of my mother-in-law for a few days, and they would go back after I was discharged from the hospital.
Who would have thought that one by one they all made excuses that they had something to do, and the eldest brother said that he was old, in poor health, unable to stay up late, and unable to take care of his mother-in-law.
The second sister said that she still had to show her nephew her grandson and couldn't leave, and the fourth brother and fifth brother said that they were really young, but there were still two sons in the family who were not married, and they had to earn money and couldn't come.
My wife was really angry, and told them, either you will take care of our mother, or you will pay for a nanny to take care of our mother, anyway, I have to go to the hospital to take care of my wife, I don't care.
As soon as I said the money, one by one was silent, and in the end, the eldest brother spoke, saying that my wife and I have a pension, and my daughter is also married, and the family has no burden, so don't share it equally, and it's not that I can't afford it.
My wife was angry, and told my eldest brother, we are a little better than you, but my mother is not my mother alone, when you first got married, my mother helped you everywhere, but she didn't help me, I have done this as benevolent and righteous.
If you really don't want to contribute, I'll send my mother to a nursing home, and the cost will be divided equally, and don't always think that I will bear everything alone.
There were a few brothers and sisters, and seeing that their husbands didn't make sense, they agreed to send their mother-in-law to a nursing home, and the cost was divided equally between the five people.
Later, after I was discharged from the hospital, I went to the nursing home to see my mother-in-law several times, and my mother-in-law begged me to take her back every time, saying that she was not used to staying here and that she wanted to go home.
My mother-in-law assured me that she would stop making trouble and lose her temper when she went back, and that she would listen to my wife and me.
I was a little soft-hearted and wanted to talk to my husband, but my husband refused me without listening to it, saying that he would never take his mother-in-law back, and he didn't believe that she could get better.
I can only say that this time the eldest brother and their actions really made the wife angry, and I had no choice, after sending my mother-in-law to a nursing home, the eldest brother still said in the village that it was we who abused my mother-in-law, and they couldn't look past it, so they sent my mother-in-law to a nursing home.
It's just that there are very few people who can believe this statement, and most of them just listen to it as a joke, after all, what they do in the village is obvious to all.
Here, I also advise all middle-aged and elderly friends, if you have brothers and sisters, don't feel that you are capable, so you can take over the responsibility of supporting your parents alone.
Supporting parents alone is not as simple as we imagined, if the parents are not partial, it is fine, if the parents are partial, often you are the thankless person, and those children who only come to visit occasionally have become filial sons in their eyes.
It is indeed our responsibility as children to support our parents, but we should not put ourselves and our own small family into it for the sake of being strong for a while.
If you have siblings, you still have to discuss the pension of your parents in advance to avoid a situation like mine, not only the elderly are not welcome, but the relationship between siblings is also messed up.
(The story comes from life, but it is higher than life, this article aims to remind middle-aged and elderly users to treat the problem of old-age care correctly and face life with peace and joy through fictional plots)