Hi everyone, I'm Wanqiu~
During the Chinese New Year, as a child, I always want to give my parents a gift prepared with heart to express my filial piety.
However, some people give out gifts, but what they get back is not the happiness of their parents, but the heart congestion!
On Mother's Day, the little brother in the office ordered a bouquet of flowers for his mother, and after the flower shop delivered it to his home, he received a call from his mother, and he was choked when he spoke: "Return the flowers, I don't like it!" How much do you make, don't you know how much money you can save to buy a house? Just know waste! ”
He knew that his mother wanted to save money for himself and for his own good, but he felt a little crazy when he had similar behaviors many times.
Many parents seem to be like this, and they like to spoil their children's happiness in everything.
You went to great lengths to give her a gift, your face was full of disgust, and you denied it in one bite;
You take him on a trip, and he gets tired and says, "It's better to be at home";
You invite him to a restaurant for a meal, and he says that the cost is only 1/10th of the price, what a waste!
Anyway, it is more difficult to let parents say something that is not boring than Shangshu Road~
I once watched a video. A teenage girl buys flowers and cakes for her mother to celebrate her birthday, and she asks her mother to eat at a small restaurant, full of anticipation of a surprise for her mother.
After a long time, I finally waited for my mother to come, but I didn't expect that my mother saw her daughter's carefully prepared birthday gift, and pulled her face and covered her face for a while:
"I don't go home after school, I don't eat when the food is ready at home, I have to go out to eat, that's it? I'll give you money, and you're wasting it like this? You still buy cakes, can I eat sweet if I have high blood sugar? ...... Every day I don't focus on studying, I just think about these vain heads! ”
At first, the daughter also explained that the money was saved by herself, just to surprise her mother, but under her mother's constant accusations, she was finally so aggrieved that she ran away sadly after leaving a sentence "I was wrong, I shouldn't remember your birthday~
It makes those of us who watch it angry and suffocated: the child has the heart to remember your birthday, that is the happiness of being a mother! How can you be willing to reprimand your child? Even if you don't like this format, you can communicate with your child afterwards about your favorite birthday gifts: such as studying seriously, making a handmade gift that doesn't cost money, and accompanying mom for a walk......
No wonder some netizens said: If there are parents at home who like to "spoil the fun", it will be miserable: share the happiness with them, the happiness will disappear, and share the pain with them, and the pain will be doubled.
Some parents are not only unhappy, but also keen to suppress their children.
Like what:
When he came home from school and happily told his parents, "I scored 98 points this time," he would say, "There are still several 100 points in the class, what is there to be proud of?" ”
When he won first place in a singing competition, he would say, "Only when you rank first in your academic performance can you have the ability." ”
After working to earn the first money, I quickly bought gifts for my parents to prove that I have the ability to honor them, but they blame you for spending money indiscriminately and not knowing how to save......
In short, you want to share your achievements, hoping to be recognized and praised, but in exchange for an inexplicable suppression, pouring a basin of cold water on your head, making the child feel very confused: "Do parents not want me to live well?" "Do they not love me at all?"
No matter how good they want to show their parents, they don't feel happy for you at all, let alone blessings, but get denial, vague jealousy.
If every happy sharing will eventually become a suppression and preaching, for children whose three views are not yet mature, this is undoubtedly a kind of "PUA" from the family, because children do not form the correct three views on many things in the process of growing up, and they are slowly formed from the feedback from the external environment, especially the attitudes and ideas of parents.
Children who are frequently denied and suppressed will become more and more inferior, introverted, and it is difficult to become an excellent child.
The most important thing is that they unknowingly block the ability to feel happiness, because they are rarely recognized by the people they love the most, and they default to being unworthy of happiness.
Sadly, this kind of "unhappy" parents are not in the minority.
Some psychologists say that this is the characteristic of Chinese parents, who can find out the shortcomings of their children in everything and question and deny them from an authoritative perspective.
But I think that the reason why parents unconsciously disappoint their children is that they "don't respect their children" and are unwilling to understand the dignity of their children as an independent individual.
- They believe that because the child is born on their own, they should act according to their own ideas;
- Why do your children do worse than other children?
- I haven't enjoyed it as Lao Tzu, why should the child enjoy it first?
- Children should listen to adults!
The desire to be a parent goes beyond love for the child and respect for the individual.
When the children grow up, they are no longer willing to share anything with them, and their circle of friends will block them, and they will even be seriously rebellious.
How to be a "non-fun" parent?
An unhappy childhood takes a lifetime to heal, and a happy childhood can heal a lifetime.
If you have a parent who "doesn't spoil the fun", then congratulations.
If you have a parent who is "unhappy", then try to abandon the thinking habits brought by the family of origin and become a parent who "does not disappoint".
Because of the love of the child, it is necessary to give him encouragement and support, so that he can feel the warmth of the family and the true feelings of his parents, instead of expressing love in mean language, the harm in the name of love is too unnecessary.
Life is so long, and so short, except for life and death, it is all a trivial matter, don't care about the extra money that your children spend because of their filial piety, happiness is far more important than saving more.
Teaching children to love and be loved is more important than simply having a high score.
To be a parent who "doesn't spoil the fun", start with yourself.
Thanks for reading to the end! Click "Like" and "Share" to more people~
Wanqiu talks about parenting, the mother of the two babies who loves to learn and think, welcome to pay attention, complain about the chickens and dogs that raise babies together, share the happiness of raising babies, and summarize the lessons of raising babies.