Continued from Part I: Children Call for Love by Hurting Themselves (Part II)
My sky is gray, I live like a walking corpse with a heavy "cross" on my back, the pain has paralyzed my heart, I don't know how long I haven't been truly happy.
Watching others laugh happily,
Reckless crying,
I am envious,
I can't find my heart anymore.
I'm afraid of the dark,
Fear of noise,
Fear of doing something wrong,
I'm afraid of everything that can bring back my memory.
If it weren't for the fear of upsetting my loved ones, I would have even thought about ending my own life. I hope that I can have a serious illness, and when I am terminally ill, I can naturally end this unintentional life.
I'm a big trouble for my loved ones,
My presence has hurt them too much,
I can't bother them anymore.
It's like I'm a different person,
All things are not available,
There is bitterness to swallow yourself.
Sometimes, I am too busy to need my father to come and help, and my heart is also very entangled, on the one hand, I need someone to help me, on the other hand, I feel that I can't bear to let my elderly father work so hard, and I hate myself for bringing trouble to my relatives.
I am also such a model when I participate in love and happiness activities, as long as it is assigned to me, I will do my best to do it, even if there is a difficulty, I am not willing to ask for help, I am afraid of becoming a problem for others. I crave warmth, but I fear it. I don't think people like me deserve the love of others.
After reading MH's article and crying, I knew that I had let go of the "cross" that I had carried for many years, the past was in the past, everything before was a necessary stage in the process of growing up, no escape, no self-blame, face it bravely, only by letting go, can I move forward easily.
Self-blame and guilt are both objectifying oneself, thinking that oneself should be how and must be, oneself is bound and bound by the framework of forgiveness, forgetting that oneself is a real person, and the real person is not perfect, and only by stopping self-blame can we explore and self-perceive, in order to see our true feelings, in order to return to the things themselves, and then to experience the feelings of family and friends, in order to love them better.
(Teacher Zheng Wei: Shu Yun has made a link with her mother in this year's seminar, and the external "shell" has also cracked a crack, love enters bit by bit along this crack, and the pain that has been discharged bit by bit along this crack in the form of tears, although the process is a little sad, but the sunshine is after the wind and rain, and we have seen Shu Yun standing in the sunshine smiling at us slowly walking towards us.) )
From now on, love yourself well, I believe that only by opening your heart and letting the sun in, the shadows and haze can have nowhere to hide, and look forward to the better and better self.
I am a life and I deserve to be loved!
(Teacher Zheng Wei: The following is the text written by Shu Yun's husband after seeing Shu Yun's article, I am also very moved, do you remember a sentence in the secret note?) When we change ourselves, others will change in order to adapt to our changes. Now Shu Yun has changed, which has led to the change of her husband, and the change of her husband will lead to the change of Shu Yun, which has formed a particularly correct cycle, and slowly the children will change dramatically because of the change of their parents, and their children will be sunny, confident, full of warmth and strength over time. Bless them as a family! ）
I saw my wife, and I saw myself
Text: Love and Happiness Family Brother Bao (Xi'an)
Today, when I read the blog post written by my wife, I burst into tears, and it took me three times to finish it. Some of the things and feelings my wife mentioned in the article are known to me, and some are the first time I have known them. At this moment, my heart is full of shock, distress and joy!
I have never heard her mention the matter between my father-in-law and mother-in-law for so many years. In fact, even if she had told me before, I couldn't understand her feelings, and I couldn't feel the depth of the hurt caused to her by her family of origin.
- If I don't have love in my heart, how can I give her a real and safe environment?
- How can we expect her to completely release her pain and open her heart?
What's more, over the years, instead of tolerating her, accepting her, and warming her, I have always used my own standards to evaluate her and blame her. In my eyes, I only saw whether she was doing things well or badly, and I never considered what my wife was thinking, afraid of, or wanting.
(Teacher Zheng Wei: Yes, in family life, we always think about how others can meet us every day, but rarely think about what others really need. We always love others in the way we think is right, but we forget that true love is about giving others what they need in their hearts. ）
When I had this invisible ruler in my heart, all I could give her was requirements and expectations, and everything she did desperately became a matter of course for me. In the face of his wife's efforts and dedication, he can't understand, can't be grateful, doesn't understand true love, and makes her desperate again and again in a cold way!
Thank God for your extra kindness! Love and happiness have dragged us on the road of awakening and growth again and again, so that the two painful lives finally feel the true beauty and meaning of life!
Seeing my wife's confession today, I am full of shame for my selfish and indifferent self before, and I feel glad and grateful that we have been able to persist until now, and I am also happy that my wife has opened her heart today. The little red man in his heart must be washed by tears to be awakened.
I know that the tears shed by my wife and I are the tears of seeing our own truth, saying goodbye to our past, washing away the dust of the pearl, and planting hope for the future. I am letting go of the standards in my heart, and my dear wife is also putting down the "cross" that I have carried for many years, and I am full of joy to hear the heartfelt cry of my lover: I am a life, I am worthy of love!
True love is about giving without expecting anything in return. I believe that we will be able to persevere, have true love, and embrace happiness.
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