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My name is Xiaoting, I am 35 years old, and I am a white-collar worker working in the city. My husband Xiaodong and I have been married for ten years, and my son Tongtong has just turned nine years old this year. We live in a two-bedroom apartment in the heart of the city, and life is simple and hectic, but it is also considered happy. However, three years ago, my father-in-law decided to move in with us, and since then, everything has changed.
The cause of the matter is not complicated. My father-in-law's health began to decline, he was in his seventies, and he used to live in his hometown in the countryside and get along well with his old neighbors, but gradually, the people around him walked and moved, and he became more and more lonely. We tried to persuade him to come to live in the city, but he always shook his head and said that he was reluctant to leave the old house and the familiar environment. But three years ago, my mother-in-law died suddenly, and my father-in-law suddenly became unfocused, and he finally agreed to move in with us.
I still remember how nervous he was when he first arrived. He didn't bring much with him, mainly some clothing and medicines that he was used to. We vacated the second bedroom for him, and he said he wouldn't take up too much space, and brought himself an old-fashioned folding bed, saying that he was used to sleeping. Xiaodong was a little sad when he saw it, but his father-in-law insisted on it a few times, and in the end, we let him go.
As the days passed, my father-in-law's life gradually merged with us. He gets up every morning to do a set of tai chi, then goes for a walk in the nearby park, watches TV at home in the afternoon, and eats together as a family in the evening. This kind of family life was supposed to be warm, but gradually, I discovered some details that made me feel very uncomfortable.
In the beginning, it was a matter of bathing. My father-in-law was always the last to take a bath, and whether it was winter or summer, he waited until we were all done before going in. At first I didn't think much of it, I just thought that he might be polite and afraid to disturb us. But then, I found out another detail: every time my father-in-law took a shower, the bathroom was always wet, and there were still a lot of water stains on the floor. Every time I went in to clean up, it took me a long time to dry the floor, and sometimes I even left footprints and made a mess in the bathroom.
Xiaodong didn't care about this, he didn't think it was a big deal, and he said that it would be good to wipe it twice. I've told him many times, but he's always perfunctory. I started to feel a little resentful that he wasn't enough to support me.
At the same time, other things in the family began to change. My father-in-law always liked to bring his rural habits into our city life. He will cook some seemingly simple but very smoky dishes in the kitchen, and he likes to use a large pot and stove, which makes the kitchen full of grease spots. There is also his sleeping habits, he likes to watch TV late at night, and the sound is so loud that I often can't sleep.
I tried to communicate with my father-in-law and told him that these habits might not be appropriate in the city, but he always smiled and said that he was too old to change so many habits, and asked me to bear with him. Every time I finished talking to him, he had this attitude, as if these things were not a big deal.
The beginning of the contradiction is not a moment, but as these small details accumulate little by little. Every time my father-in-law takes a shower and I go in to clean the bathroom, I feel an inexplicable irritability spreading when I look at the water stains. Because I feel that it is not just a matter of habits, but also a disrespect, and I feel that he does not care about the effort and effort I put in at home. Gradually, I began to hate this old man who was always the last to take a shower, leaving a trail of water stains all over the floor.
Communication with Xiaodong is also becoming more and more difficult. He always put himself in his father's shoes and wondered if I was making too much of a fuss. I felt helpless, feeling that I was the only one in the family who was trying to maintain order, but Xiaodong was always standing by and talking coldly, thinking that I was too careful.
These questions may seem small, but they are like tiny thorns that slowly pierced into my heart and made my relationship with my father-in-law more and more strained. I know it's not the way to go, but I don't really know how to fix it. Looking at my father-in-law's shadow at home, I began to feel that my life was overwhelmed.
My anxiety and dissatisfaction were growing day by day, and my father-in-law didn't seem to realize the problem. The inconvenience and discomfort caused by his habits are becoming more and more evident at home. One night, while we were having dinner, my father-in-law began to tell the story of his youth in the countryside. Xiaodong and I were not interested, but he spoke with great interest for a long time. When he finally finished, I couldn't help but mention the bath.
"Dad, after you take a shower, the bathroom is always wet, so it's easy to slip and it's not easy to take care of. Can you pay a little attention?" I said in a gentle tone.
The father-in-law was stunned for a moment, then laughed and waved his hand. "It's okay, I'll take notice. It's the same when I take a bath in my hometown, I'm used to it, and it's not in the way. You don't have to worry, I'm physically tough and can't fall. "
I looked at his indifferent look, and I felt very uncomfortable. I wanted to say a few more words, but Xiaodong played a round next to me. "Dad, you should try to be careful, the conditions at home are different from those in the countryside, safety first. Xiaoting is also for your sake. "
My father-in-law nodded in understanding, but I knew he didn't take it seriously at all. For the next few days, he was still the last to take a shower, and the bathroom was still wet, and I had to spend a lot of time drying it off each time.
The contradiction erupted one night. That day, I came home from work to find my father-in-law busy in the kitchen. He's making a rural snack called "fried dumplings," which requires a lot of oil and has a lot of fumes. As soon as I entered the door, I smelled a strong smell of oil smoke, and the whole kitchen was almost covered in oil smoke. I was taken aback and quickly turned on the range hood and opened the windows for ventilation.
"Dad, what are you doing? Why is it so big?" I asked anxiously.
My father-in-law replied with a smile: "I want to make some snacks from my hometown for you to taste, this is delicious." I've done it many times in the village before and it's very popular. "
I frowned. "But the smoke is too big, it's not good for our health, and the neighbors can smell it, so it's not good. "
The father-in-law was obviously a little displeased, and he frowned. "What's the matter? Isn't cooking like this in the countryside? You city people are really squeamish, what is the smoke of?"
I suddenly felt a nameless fire. "Dad, this is the city, not the same as the countryside. We have to take into account the feelings of our neighbors, and this kind of oil smoke is not good for the body. Please don't do this again, okay?"
The father-in-law was obviously not happy, and he put the pot down heavily, and his voice became louder. "Why do you have so many rules, girl, and it's so troublesome for me to make something to eat? This is my best craft, and you actually dislike it?"
Xiaodong walked in at this time, saw that we were arguing, and hurried over to persuade us. "Dad, Xiaoting is also for everyone's good, let's make less of this kind of smoky dish, okay? There are other things to eat, we all like it." "
My father-in-law ignored Xiaodong, and he glared at me. "I never imagined that I would have to suffer this sin when I came to live in your house! If you don't let this, you won't let me, I won't be able to do what I like?"
I felt a pang of grievance, and the anger in my heart became more and more irrepressible. "Dad, we've always respected you, but you have to take care of us too. We are family, we have to be considerate of each other, and we can't make the whole family uncomfortable because you are alone!"
The father-in-law was so angry that his face turned red, and he slapped the table hard. "You begged me to stay at your house! I could have stayed well in my hometown, but you insisted on bringing me to the city and saying that I would be happy! Now that I have come, you are disgusted with this and that, and you can't live this day!"
Xiaodong hurriedly grabbed me and tried to calm the conflict. "Dad, don't be angry, Xiaoting didn't mean that, we just hope everyone can be comfortable. "
But the father-in-law did not listen, and he turned back to the room and slammed the door shut. I stood there, tears almost falling. I looked at Xiaodong, he also looked very helpless, and whispered to me: "Xiaoting, Dad is old after all, he has his habits, let's be more tolerant, okay?"
I bit my lip and felt a deep sense of powerlessness. Our family used to be so harmonious, but now it has become chaotic because of the arrival of my father-in-law. A sense of disgust welled up in me, and I began to dislike this old man who was always stubborn and unwilling to change. He not only brought inconvenience to our lives, but also plunged our whole family into conflicts and quarrels. The home became less warm and my heart became heavier.
After my argument with my father-in-law, the atmosphere at home suddenly became tense. My father-in-law became more silent, he no longer talked to us as often as he used to, and he kept his head down during meals and rarely spoke. He would go out for a walk alone after dinner, and when he came back, he would not say hello, and would go straight into his room and close the door. There was an indescribable sense of depression throughout the house, and Xiaodong and I didn't know how to alleviate it.
Xiaodong tried to talk to me, hoping that I could be more tolerant of my father-in-law, after all, he was old and his temper was difficult to change. "Xiaoting, it's not easy for Dad to be here alone, he may feel that he is isolated. Let's take care of him a little more, shall we?"
I was also very conflicted, although my father-in-law's behavior made me uncomfortable, but after all, he was an old man in the family, and I didn't want him to feel that he had no status in this family. "Okay, I'll try to get along with him, but you'll have to help too. It's not fair that I'm dealing with these problems every time, and you're always with the mud. "
Xiaodong nodded and promised to help me solve the problem more. But he also looked very embarrassed, on the one hand, the old father, on the other hand, his wife, he was caught in the middle, and he seemed a little at a loss.
Over the next few days, I tried to repair my relationship with my father-in-law. I offered to cook him some dishes he liked, and talked to him about the family in the evening, trying to make him feel that we cared. But my father-in-law didn't seem to appreciate it, and he always responded coldly, as if everything I did was meaningless.
Finally, one day, my father-in-law suddenly said that he wanted to go back to his hometown to live for a while. His words surprised me and Xiaodong, and we always thought that he was comfortable here. Xiaodong was a little anxious, and he hurriedly asked, "Dad, why do you suddenly want to go back to your hometown?
The father-in-law shook his head, his face a little gloomy. "It's nothing, I just feel like I'm getting in the way here. You don't welcome me very much, so I'd better go back to my hometown, where I'm more comfortable. "
Xiaodong and I were very surprised, we didn't expect my father-in-law's heart knot to be so deep. I tried to keep him and tell him that we didn't dislike him, but just wanted him to pay a little attention to his habits. But the father-in-law was obviously determined, and he insisted on returning to his hometown.
Xiaodong reluctantly asked him when he would leave, and his father-in-law said that he had contacted his neighbors in his hometown and would leave early tomorrow morning. "I don't have a lot of stuff, just clean it up. You don't have to worry about me, I can do it myself. "
That night, Xiaodong and I didn't sleep well. Xiaodong seemed worried, and he had been thinking about how to keep his father. "Xiaoting, what do you say? I really don't want him to go back alone, he is old, and it is not safe to be alone in the countryside. "
I was also a little worried, but I also felt that my father-in-law's stubbornness was difficult to change. "Xiaodong, if he really wants to go back, we can't stop him. He's not happy, and we can't force him to stay. "
Xiaodong was silent, he knew that what I said made sense, but he still couldn't let go of it. We lay in bed for a long time, and finally decided to try to persuade my father-in-law to stay here the next morning.
Early the next morning, my father-in-law had already packed his luggage, and he simply brought some clothes and daily necessities. He looked resolute and reluctant to say more. Xiaodong and I saw him off at the door, and he simply said hello to us and left with his luggage.
Xiaodong drove him all the way to the station, and he looked depressed when he returned. "Xiaoting, Dad, he is really gone, he said that he wants to go back to live for a while, look at the old house, and said that he may come back after a while. "
I sighed, a little relieved, but also a little lost. "Maybe it's good to calm him down for a while. He's not comfortable here, we're not feeling well, and it's probably good for everyone to calm down and get away for a while. "
Xiaodong nodded helplessly, he had no other way. For the next few days, we lived a peaceful life that we had not seen for a long time. Without the fumes from my father-in-law in the kitchen and the water stains in the bathroom, the home seems to have returned to its former warmth. But Xiaodong and I both felt a little empty in our hearts, as if something was missing.
As the days passed, we had less contact with my father-in-law. Xiaodong would occasionally call him and ask him about his current situation, and his father-in-law always said that he was fine and nothing serious. Xiaodong and I both hope that he can live happily in his hometown, but deep down, I always feel that the conflict between us and my father-in-law has not been completely resolved. This state of life made me a little anxious, and it also made me feel that maybe leaving was not the final solution to the problem.
Since my father-in-law returned to his hometown, life at home has become much easier. There is no more oil smoke, the bathroom is much cleaner, and Xiaodong's daily life and I have returned to our former calm. The child Tongtong is no longer troubled by being woken up by his father-in-law, and he is more focused on studying, and on the whole, life is much easier.
But the calm didn't last long, and I noticed that Xiaodong began to call his father-in-law frequently, and each call lasted for a long time. His expression gradually became anxious, occasionally apprehensive. I felt that he might be hiding something from me, but Xiaodong always said to me: "It's not a big deal, Dad is very good in his hometown, and he said that the house is a little dilapidated and needs to be repaired." ”
That night, I heard Xiaodong talking on the phone in the kitchen, and his voice was very low, but I vaguely heard some fragments. It seems that my father-in-law is not very convenient in his hometown, lonely and lonely, and there is no one to help. Xiaodong repeatedly persuaded him to come back to live, but his father-in-law always found excuses to excuse him.
I waited for him to finish the call, then walked into the kitchen and asked him, "Xiaodong, is there something wrong with Dad?" You keep calling him, will he be too lonely in his hometown?"
Xiaodong sighed, looking a little anxious: "Xiaoting, it's not good for Dad to be alone in his hometown. He said that the house was leaking, the yard was overgrown with weeds, and he himself was too old to do it. But he didn't want to come back. ”
I frowned: "How can he do it alone? Let's let him come back, otherwise what if something happens?"
Xiaodong nodded: "I think so too." But Dad was too stubborn, he said he didn't want to cause us trouble, and said that he liked the environment of his hometown, and he didn't feel comfortable living here. ”
I was a little angry: "Why doesn't he understand? We are family, and we should help each other." You call him again and ask him to come back to live, or at least ask him to find someone to help fix the house, otherwise something will really go wrong. ”
Xiaodong listened to my words and called his father-in-law again. This time he patiently persuaded for a long time, but his father-in-law's attitude was still resolute. He said he didn't want to come back and that he would fix the leakage in the house himself, so we didn't have to worry about it. He also said that he didn't want to be a burden to us, that we were already working hard in the city, and that it was good for him to be alone in his hometown.
Xiaodong and I were very helpless, and our father-in-law's stubbornness made it impossible for us to convince him. Xiaodong sometimes sits on the balcony late at night and smokes, and I know he is worried. I tried to comfort him: "Xiaodong, you don't have to worry too much. Since Dad doesn't want to come back, we can't force him. You call him more often to see what he needs and we try to help him. ”
Xiaodong nodded, but he was obviously not at ease. He began to think about going back to his hometown to check on the situation and make sure that there was nothing wrong with his father-in-law. He discussed with me: "Xiaoting, I plan to go back to my hometown on the weekend to see how my father is doing." I don't worry about him being alone over there, and you know he's not well, what if something happens?"
I supported his decision: "Okay, you can go back and have a look, and help him with some problems by the way." Remember to bring some food and daily necessities, the conditions in your hometown are not good, don't let your dad work too hard. ”
On the weekend, Xiaodong drove back to his hometown. Tongtong and I were waiting for news of him at home, and we were also a little worried. In the afternoon, Xiaodong called me and said that when he arrived home, his father-in-law's house was indeed a little dilapidated, the yard was overgrown with weeds, and the roof was leaking. He spent the whole day helping his father-in-law clean the yard and hire someone to fix the roof.
Xiaodong stayed in his hometown for two days and helped his father-in-law tidy up the house a lot. He persuaded his father-in-law to go back to the city with him, but he still refused, insisting that he was very comfortable in his hometown and liked the way of life here.
When Xiaodong returned to the city, he looked tired. He told me that my father-in-law was actually having a hard time in his hometown, but he just didn't want to come back to us. Xiaodong said helplessly: "Xiaoting, I really don't know what to do." Dad was too stubborn to change his lifestyle and didn't want to trouble us. ”
I felt a little helpless, and my father-in-law's stubbornness made my heart ache. He was not having a good time in his hometown, but he was unwilling to accept our help. I began to realize that this is not just a matter of habits, but also a knot in the heart of an old man, who may feel that he is old and does not want to cause us trouble, but his stubbornness makes us very anxious.
I discussed with Xiaodong for a long time and decided not to force my father-in-law to come back to live, but to try to help him solve the problems of his hometown. Xiaodong will go back to his hometown regularly to make sure that there are no major problems in his father-in-law's life. And I began to care more about my father-in-law, hoping that he would feel our care and love. After all, he's our family, and we don't want him to feel isolated.
Since Xiaodong returned to his hometown to help his father-in-law repair the house, his father-in-law's situation seems to have stabilized. Xiaodong would call him every week to ask him about his life, and his father-in-law always said that he was fine, the house had been repaired, and his life was not bad. Although he was reluctant to come back, at least his attitude softened a little.
One night, I was preparing dinner in the kitchen while Tongtong was doing her homework in the living room. Xiaodong came back from the company, his expression looked a little tired. I went up to him and asked, "Are you busy with work today?"
Xiaodong nodded and sighed: "Yes, the company has a project that is relatively busy recently. But I just called my dad and he said he's fine. ”
I brought a cup of tea to Xiaodong and asked him to sit down and rest for a while. "How is Dad, is he too lonely in his hometown?"
Xiaodong shook his head: "He said that he was okay, and the people in the village would sometimes go to see him." He now often visits his hometown's farmland, saying it alleviates his loneliness. ”
I breathed a sigh of relief, but I was still a little worried. Although his father-in-law said that he was fine, after all, he was old and it was always not easy to live alone. I tentatively asked Xiaodong, "Why don't we find a chance to visit him in my hometown again?" or you can spend more time with him, so that he doesn't feel that he has been forgotten by us." ”
Xiaodong pondered for a while and nodded: "Yes, I also have this plan." I'll go back again this weekend to see what he needs, and then talk to him more and try to persuade him to come back. ”
This weekend, Xiaodong returned to his hometown again. He brought some daily necessities and food, and also bought a few clothes that his father-in-law liked. The father-in-law was very happy to see him, but he still insisted that he was comfortable in his hometown and did not want to come back. Xiaodong talked to him for a long time, and his father-in-law said that he was reluctant to leave the old house, which was where he lived with his mother-in-law, and there were too many memories in it.
Xiaodong told me that although my father-in-law is stubborn, he seems to be trying to understand us. He said that his father-in-law took the initiative to ask about our lives, cared about Tongtong's studies, and told Xiaodong that he didn't want to cause us trouble. He wants us to be okay and feel comfortable in our hometown.
Although my father-in-law's attitude has softened somewhat, Xiaodong and I both understand that his stubbornness is difficult to change. We decided to respect his choice and try to accommodate his needs as long as he is comfortable in his hometown.
When I returned to the city, I began to care more about my father-in-law's life. Every week I ask Xiaodong to call him and ask him what he needs, or to see if he has any questions. Once, my father-in-law said on the phone that his back hurt a little, and I immediately asked Xiaodong to send some ointment and asked someone to give him a few massages.
Although we couldn't get my father-in-law back to stay, we could at least make sure he was comfortable in his hometown. Xiaodong also began to return to his hometown more frequently to help his father-in-law solve problems in life. Every time he came back, he would tell me about my father-in-law to make sure we didn't ignore him.
One day, my father-in-law called me out of the blue, which surprised me. Since he returned to his hometown, he rarely took the initiative to call me, and always conveyed information through Xiaodong. I picked up the phone, and his voice sounded a little hesitant: "Xiaoting, my back has been hurting a little recently, and the doctor said that I need to rest." So, have you been busy lately, and if you're not, can you come and see me?"
I was stunned for a moment, I didn't expect him to take the initiative to make this request. I quickly agreed: "Okay Dad, we'll come see you this weekend." If you need anything, just let us know. ”
On the other end of the phone, the father-in-law's tone became much softer: "Okay, then I'll wait for you to come." Actually, I miss you a little bit too, how is Tongtong?
I smiled and told him about Tongtong's studies, and said that he missed his father-in-law very much. After hearing this, my father-in-law added a trace of warmth in his voice: "Okay, come this weekend, I'll cook you some hometown food." ”
After hanging up the phone, I felt a sense of relief in my heart, and my father-in-law's attitude finally eased. Although he still insisted on living in his hometown, at least he began to reach out to us to express his needs. This is a positive sign for us and means that our relationship with him is gradually recovering.
That weekend, Xiaodong and I took Tongtong to our hometown together. When my father-in-law saw us, he had a smile on his face that he hadn't seen in a long time. He showed us around his renovated house and told us some interesting stories about his life in his hometown. We stayed in our hometown all day, and my father-in-law cooked us his best dishes and talked with us for a long time.
I realized that although my father-in-law was stubborn, he still wanted to keep in touch with us. He doesn't want to cause us trouble, but he also needs the care and companionship of his family. Through this visit, my relationship with my father-in-law has improved, and Xiaodong and I have become more aware that care and communication are the key to maintaining family harmony. We decided to continue our efforts to ensure that my father-in-law was comfortable in his hometown, and that he also felt that we loved and cared for him.
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