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My main job at work is to fool my superstitious boss.
Raise him a fortune tree and a beckoning cat.
In order to increase my salary, I took out the tarot card, "Boss, the card shows that the southeast corner is good for your financial luck, and it is better to put something shiny." ”
The southeast corner is my desk.
The boss nodded and set me three stainless steel basins.
Our boss is a very superstitious person.
Both hands are full of red ropes, gold beads, Buddha beads, and jade beads, and millions of watches are borrowed casually, and the beads that have been opened from the temple are not allowed to be touched by anyone, not even cats.
But he was only 29 years old.
A handsome young man, still a returnee from studying abroad, wears a big shirt and slippers all day long.
By the way, the cat was also calculated by him, saying that it was a fortune, so he kept it in the company.
Worth tens of thousands of competition-level gold gradation, others buy to make money as a seeder, and our boss buys it to be sterilized as a mascot to make money.
But our boss is allergic to cat hair, and some of my colleagues are afraid of cats, and some are hated by cats, and they beat them as soon as they meet.
So the boss spent a lot of money to hire an assistant to share part of his secretarial work, serve his precious beckoning cat, and ten fortune trees.
That's me.
And there was only one reason I could be recruited.
"Man Jinyu, you are very compatible with me, and the master said that you are prosperous to me. Also, I like your name very much, can I change it to this for my cat?"
"Thank you owner, no. ”
But I don't know how to garden at all, and my experience with cats comes from the fact that I have fed a few stray cats in the community.
So soon, several fortune trees in the company were wilted by me, and they began to wither and lose their leaves.
The boss is very precious to these fortune trees, so he often stands next to me and meditates, just when I thought he was going to fire me, he turned his head and asked me, "You said, the company's performance has not been good recently, is it a sign of something?"
Then he looked at the competing company opposite, touched his chin, and looked a little melancholy, "Our company won't just fall into my hands, right?
How can I be willing to let my stupid and rich big money owner depressed and sad.
Immediately dogged, "How can it be? Look at the golden leaves, even if they wither and lose their leaves, they will turn into spring mud and protect the flowers, which shows that it burns life, just for the company's money!"
The boss's face immediately turned cloudy and cleared, and he nodded slightly.
But the remnants of his sanity still supported him and asked, "But it burns lives like this, and our performance has not risen." ”
What a kind boss.
If there is no performance, it is not to blame, and it is not even blamed on the employees.
Blame a few fortune trees.
So I pretended to explain in a deep way, "Could it be that the opposite company has used some tricks and put something that is not good for our feng shui?"
The boss slapped his thigh, "Yes, yes, you're right, it's definitely so!"
Don't say it, I'm really blinded.
The company on the opposite side really put a gossip mirror and a copper coin sword at the door.
But that's not the point.
The point is that the opposite company arranged an employee downstairs, and all the customers who came to our company were directly intercepted at a low price.
A signage was also made.
I instructed our company's customers to go to their side.
I said why is it that there is a constant stream of customers across from them, and our side is empty.
After our boss found out, Long Yan was happy.
Twenty pots of pothos, five junzi orchids, and three kumquat trees were ordered.
"Jin Yu! You really prosper me! Give you a salary increase!!
Two
After knowing that I could raise my salary if I made the leader happy, I went to learn tarot cards overnight.
Thinking about how many skills you don't have to press, take a look at Zhou Yi's gossip, so that you can have more material when you make up nonsense in the future.
The boss's kitten has been kept in the company, and after everyone gets off work, the children are locked in a luxury cage by themselves.
Every time I was leaving, the kitten looked at me with a blank eye and meowed quietly.
I was so soft-hearted that I dodged the surveillance and secretly took it home to play.
As a result, one day, I was in a hurry to clock in and forgot to bring it back.
The cage was open, and the boss thought the kitten had run away on its own.
It just so happened that the place in the cat cage was monitoring the dead end, because the boss didn't think that someone might steal the cat.
He immediately investigated the surveillance, posted eight moments, and printed a bunch of cat-hunting revelations.
"Who stole my daughter?! Who saw my daughter!
I didn't dare admit it, thinking that it would be nice to get through the day and send the kitten back secretly.
I didn't want the boss to guard the cage and wipe his tears, "It's all my father's fault, my father is not optimistic about the company, nor is he optimistic about you, this time the company's performance is even more finished." ”
The one-meter-eight manly husband squatted on the edge of the cat cage, crying and wiping away tears.
I really couldn't help it, took out the tarot card in my pocket, and drew one casually, "Boss, I calculated it, the kitten is safe now, and it should be able to go home early tomorrow morning." ”
The boss looked up at me, his eyes flashing with a hint of higher education questioning, "Really?"
He was born white and tender, his eyes were red, and his nose was red when he cried, like some kind of demented little animal.
It greatly stimulates the motherhood in me.
I shoved the card into the boss's hand, "You see, this is the sun, indicating the mood of the kitten, a big good, in a bright and warm place." ”
He rubbed his nose and stood up, "I'm so afraid it will be sold to a dog meat restaurant." Let's increase the bounty amount to 50,000, what do you think?"
50,000 yuan, enough for me to work for half a year.
I can't wait to go home and bring the kitten back for money.
But reason kept me going until the next day, and I came to the office early to disguise the kitten coming home by itself from outside.
When the boss saw the kitten, he cried with joy again.
Patted me on the shoulder vigorously, "Master, you are really accurate, it's too powerful, raise your salary!"
Because of the loss that day, he hugged the kitten for a long time, and he was extremely allergic, and he coughed and had a rash all the time.
I took out two pieces of amethyst that I bought at my own expense and pretended to put the bathroom, "I put this northwest corner and calm it, and I can purify this space, everyone will not be allergic, and everyone in our company will be healthy in the future." ”
Then I went straight to the public account and bought two Honeywell cat purifiers.
One is in the boss's office, and the other is outside.
The boss is very smug on weekdays, and he doesn't pay attention to these two little things at all.
But after a few days, he found that his symptoms had subsided, and there was not as much fluttering cat hair in the air as before.
One day, the boss mysteriously called me into the office, "Jin Yu, can you calculate a hexagram for me?"
"What?"
"Calculate when I will be able to get out of my single relationship and fall in love. ”
Three
As the boss's secretary and assistant and logistics.
I'm very familiar with the gossip of my work, especially my boss.
The boss has a lot of rotten peach blossoms, he has been severely hurt by his ex, and he has even been harassed by men, and the family is in a hurry to urge marriage, and the boss himself is very lonely.
Why do I know so much?
Because our colleague privately picked up the boss's social media account, he posted eight posts a day, and his mouth was broken than the waistband of his pants.
Also, after all, he is not yet thirty years old, what can he hide?
I was stunned for a while.
I bought three bracelets, two crystals, and sent me a thousand red envelopes.
Finally, I prophesied, "Your true love appears in your daily life in the cloak of ordinary, and you don't notice it." ”
This is more than enough to retreat, and no matter how you interpret it, you can be confused.
But the boss seemed to suddenly realize that he had been beaten with chicken blood.
"I said, how can I be a lonely star, that fortune teller's nonsense, it's not accurate at all. ”
I was confused, "What fortune teller?"
The boss blinked his clear eyes, "Just in the morning, when I parked the car, an old man insisted on telling my fortune, saying that I was a lone star in the sky, and Ke Da Ke Ma Ke wife, let me buy his cinnabar to relieve my evil, which scared me." ”
I thought to myself, how can there be a robbery here?
"Then you didn't buy it, did you?"
The boss suddenly became proud and patted his chest, "We're here, are we that kind of person? That cinnabar wants me 9999." ”
I rolled my eyes, this old man really dared to make a price, "You tell me, you didn't buy it, did you?!!"
Then I saw him take out a small broken plastic bag from his pocket, "Of course I bought it, I have always preferred to believe it whether it is there or not, only 10,000 yuan, buy peace of mind." ”
Only 10,000?
What do you mean by only 10,000?
"The next time you go out in your Maserati, you don't buy anyone who sees your logo, like you're selling. ”
"Why?"
I rolled my eyes silently, "Don't ask, they're beating you." ”
After that, the boss came to me to settle everything for him.
"I'm in a bad mood today because I'm wearing red socks?
"The company's order is blowing again today, why, is it because I can't book the name of the hotel, Feng Shui Pavilion, is it too windy and too much water to blow my money away?"
"I had a dream yesterday about a snake drinking coffee. Is there any moral to it?"
"I've been having insomnia lately, I think I'm so stressed, is there any magic weapon that can give me a town?"
I feel like I'm gradually breaking away from the profession of secretary and becoming the exclusive psychological interpreter of the boss.
In other words, men's psychology and child psychology are interconnected.
As long as you gently coax him, he will believe it immediately.
One sentence makes him happy all day.
Then one day, a tall and beautiful girl came to the door with Hermes and went straight to our boss's office.
Everyone immediately got together and gossiped, "Hey, isn't this the one, the boss's ex-girlfriend?
In less than ten minutes, the boss suddenly poked his head out of the office, "Man Jinyu, come on." ”
I wondered, what does this have to do with me?
As a result, the boss pointed at the girl opposite, and then pointed at himself, "You calculate it for me, should the two of us reconcile?"
After he finished speaking, he said to the beautiful woman as if he was selling, "She is a good spirit, half an immortal." ”
Four
This sister is a frequent visitor in the boss's small composition.
It was the boss who met during the study abroad period, because it was beautiful, and it was love at first sight.
The girl has a prominent family background and is much richer than the boss's family.
It's just that he has a big heart, and he has fallen in love a few times, and he has hurt the boss a lot.
But as soon as I saw this beautiful face, I immediately understood the good mood of the boss several times.
It's so beautiful, give her another chance, in case she changes.
From the words of the boss, I feel that the two of them still have feelings.
Neither side can be offended.
"You two are destined to attract each other, but you restrain each other, you two are together, and you are each other's wealth. ”
The girl's face immediately became relieved, and she turned around and left, "I also think that it is not reconciled." ”
The boss was a little melancholy and sighed, "Okay, let's go, green me again, I'm going to jump off the building." ”
I also sighed, "Rich people like you have suffered the most, and that is the pain of love." ”
Unexpectedly, the boss shook his head, "No." ”
As a subordinate, I didn't ask questions, it was the boss's private matter, and it would be out of bounds to ask again.
Unexpectedly, at night, I was lying down and sleeping at home, and my boss suddenly called over.
Originally, I wanted to pretend that I didn't see it, but he called again and again, and I could only pick it up, and I heard the boss over there cry with some trembling, "Jin Yu, can you come to the hospital?"
I was awakened by my sleepiness, "What's wrong? You're hurt? You're sick, why are you in the hospital in the middle of the night?"
He didn't seem to be able to say much, just sent me an address.
Put on your clothes and rush over.
The boss sat at the door of the emergency room with his head down, and when he saw me coming, he raised his head, his eyes were scarlet, and his face was haggard, "Jin Yu, you calculate for me, can my father come out safely?"
Only then did I know that the boss's father suddenly had a cerebral infarction and went to the emergency room overnight.
His mother died a few years ago, and his father's health has been poor in recent years, so he originally fantasized that he could become an artist and live a life of idle clouds and wild cranes.
But the reality is that he has to go home to accompany his father, who is not in good health, and he has to take over a company that he doesn't know anything about.
That's why he's so superstitious.
Because there is nowhere to ask for, no one to sue, you can only hope for metaphysics that you know is an illusion.
He said to me in front of the emergency room, "I never believed in ghosts before, but for the first time since my dad got sick, I really hope that there are ghosts and gods who can hear my prayers and save my dad and help me." ”
I took out a card from my pocket, drew one at random, and handed it to him, "No matter what happens, this card will bless you with good fortune and make your wishes come true." You have to believe in its power, and the more you believe, the more spiritual it becomes. ”
The boss took the card, put it on his chest, and made a very sincere wish, "I hope Dad is safe." ”
When I got home and woke up early in the morning, I saw a message from him at 3 a.m., "Daddy's surgery was successful and everything is fine." ”
I don't know why, but suddenly my eyes were a little moist.
I believe it may really bring strength.
Religious enough, maybe the old man will hear it.
Five
Because I told the boss to calculate the fortune, after my colleagues knew about it, they also came to me to calculate it.
I don't charge money, I count it for everyone.
There is a female colleague who always comes to me to calculate, and every time she is worried.
Her friend who played well with her told me that her boyfriend seemed to be cheating on her because she had seen the guy pulling other girls shopping, but she didn't know whether to tell her or not.
When this female colleague came to me again, I said it cryptically, asking her to pay attention to her boyfriend's movements, and I felt that there would be a villain between the two of them.
Unexpectedly, this sentence annoyed her at once.
She said I was talking nonsense, affecting their feelings, and that her boyfriend would never be that kind of person.
I was scolded by her for being angry, and I didn't speak very politely, "If you don't have any doubts, why do you come to me twice in three days." ”
Her face flushed, and she pointed at my nose, "I'm giving you a face, you can't be allowed to calculate, the pits kidnap and cheat money! Now you still come to slander my husband! Be careful that I sue you!"
When I heard this, I was even more angry, "You didn't take advantage enough, didn't you?" I comforted you and coaxed you every time, and you still had reason to be a prostitute here! I didn't allow you to come back to calculate? ! Are you too busy to be full of food?!"
She couldn't argue, so she stood up and yelled, shouting at the boss's office.
"What do you say about amethyst to suppress evil spirits! What does that have to do with the broken stone you bought for fifty?! The boss is not allergic because you secretly bought the Honeywell cat purifier!
You have to say that your broken stone is useful!
I don't have anything to say, but that's true.
Seeing that I didn't refute, the more she said, the more energetic she became.
"You are still pretending to show the boss the marriage, who of you doesn't know the boss's trumpet?!
I didn't expect the boss to really push open the door and walk out of the office.
I thought he was going to scold me.
Unexpectedly, he just waved his hand, "It's all gathered here, and you're not working?"
Everyone nodded and scattered.
The female colleague stepped forward to complain reluctantly, "Boss, Man Jinyu has been lying to you, you don't know it, you are completely deceived by her." You're not allergic because Honeywell's cat purifier has nothing to do with her broken rocks....."
The boss looked back at her, his face turned gloomy, "What does it have to do with you? This month's performance is the first-to-last, and every day because of falling in love." Our company doesn't need people like you who don't do their jobs properly and destroy unity, so go to the finance department to get money and leave. I'll give you eight plus one, you don't need to go to the labor adjudication, I don't have time, I won't use it tomorrow. ”
The female colleague was stunned in place, and her stomach was full of words and she was held back, turning into one, "Oh." ”
Then the boss beckoned to me, "What are you doing? My little orange tree is bearing fruit, come and see, water it." ”
But after being exposed in public, I didn't have the face to stay any longer.
I submitted my resignation that night.
The boss didn't even look at it, and threw the resignation letter into the trash, "I just don't see it, you will come to work tomorrow as usual." ”
I shook my head, "Thank you boss for taking care of me during this time, I apologize to you for my previous mistakes, I will also return the red envelope you sent me, I will find another job, I will not come again tomorrow." ”
At home at night, I suddenly received a voice message from my boss.
Standing up, it seems that he has drunk wine, and he is drunk, and his speech is a little unclear.
"I know it's all fake and deceitful, but I just want to hear you comfort me and say something nice, as if things are really going to get better.
"Jin Yu, can you not resign, I don't want you to leave. ”
"I can give you a raise, you don't have to do anything, and the orange trees don't have to be watered, you just coax me every day, okay?"
"Jinyu, full of Jinyu. ”
"Don't quit. ”
Six
But I quit anyway.
Because the person I feel as if I am becoming more and more inseparable from is me.
At first, I didn't feel guilty about exploiting the capitalists ruthlessly.
Now I feel more and more sorry for him.
But we are not people of the world at all.
What kind of affection is dependence obtained by deception?
Originally, it was for money, but in the end, I deceived myself, and the gains outweighed the losses.
So while you can still get out, get out and stop loss in time, which can be regarded as a kind of cowardly preservation.
I got a new job in finance and sat in my office working 9-5.
You don't need to say a lot, you just need to deal with the form.
But after getting into tarot cards, I developed a hobby.
So I rented a small stall for myself, and occasionally went to the roadside stall to calculate a hexagram for others.
On this day, a familiar person appeared.
"Give me a hexagram?"
I looked up at him, "Boss, what are you going to count?"
He smiled this time and said, "Give me the math, when will the person I like come back to me?"