"Living Soberly" by Mike Singh
As we mentioned in the previous section, the human heart is actually full of energy, but many people lose control of these energies because they are closed in their hearts. Therefore, the author Singer points out that only by letting go of the inner protection can we slowly grasp the inner energy.
So, in this section, let's talk about another topic: how to break the obsession in your heart?
Everyone has obsessions
Everyone has obsessions in life. It's like when you go to a zoo and see a small animal in a cage, you may feel that the animal is so pitiful and has lost its freedom. However, from the perspective of small animals, it was raised by humans and escaped the crisis of being eliminated by nature, and some people used cages to protect it and feed him food every day, which does not seem to be pitiful.
In fact, this is also the inner contradiction of most people. We always hope that we are free, unrestrained, and can do what we want, but when we encounter problems or difficulties, we hope that there is a "cage" so that we do not have to face the ups and downs outside. Sometimes these obsessions are about getting a promotion and a salary increase and being recognized by others, sometimes they want to be better off than those around them and demand perfection in everything, and sometimes they are things that those who are no longer on the same road should have turned over a long time ago.
Many times, it is precisely because of these obsessions that people are prone to self-pity, feel that life is very tiring, make people tired, and fall into a vicious circle of "obsession - self-binding - deepening obsession". On this question, Singh put it bluntly: "Either let go now, or fall into the abyss." Because in his view, obsession actually comes from people's hearts. Buddhism also calls obsession "self-grasping", which essentially exists with the self and can only be completely resolved through oneself and through one's heart. If a person can't let go of these obsessions, it's not that he can't, it's that he doesn't want to.
Speaking of which, some people may ask: I am obviously troubled by all kinds of obsessions and are very painful, how can I say that I am unwilling to let go of my obsessions?
Singh points out that this is because of fear. Fear is one of the most common and unacceptable emotions in life. There are fears everywhere in life, and most people's attitude towards fear is to keep the fear and keep avoiding it.
It sounds safe, but over time, fear breeds feelings of insecurity and weakness. When people try not to be influenced by fear, they inevitably go against life, thinking that other people are not acting the way they should be, that things are not unfolding the way they want them to, and that life starts to get out of control, which in turn leads to some kind of obsession.
Let's look at an example. There is a young man who has just entered the job for more than 2 years, which is not a long time, but he adapts quickly, has mastered various businesses, and his performance is also very good. But at this time, a newcomer came to the department, and his learning ability was stronger than him, and he was quickly liked by everyone. Young people feel that it is the newcomer who steals their "limelight", and slowly becomes unconfident, and their performance declines.
Later, the performance of the newcomer really surpassed that of the young man, which made him very distressed. In desperation, he proposed to his boss to change the department, because the department already had a new force like a newcomer, and he couldn't do better performance. At this time, a sentence from his boss woke him up: "Why do you think that newcomers are here to compete with you? You can also be a good partner." ”
At this time, young talents suddenly found that as soon as the newcomer entered the department, he subconsciously regarded the other party as a competitor. Seeing that the newcomer was growing smoothly, he felt that he was a threat to himself and let his performance decline.
This is where fear comes in, and people who want to hide from fear will find that fear is endless. Young people can obviously cooperate with newcomers, but they are afraid of being stolen by the other party, put the other party on the opposite side, and regard the part of things that does not conform to their perception as "unreasonable", and naturally feel that life is a battle.
The end result of these obsessions is that people simply define life by utilitarian "losing" and "winning", and their criteria for judging things will also change with this definition.
"Don't choose" is also a choice
In this regard, the author Singh believes that in the face of life's challenges and obsessions, not fighting and not making choices is actually a choice. But instead of making people negative or lying flat, he reminds people that life is not in our control in the first place. If anyone wants to control their life, even the smallest thing, it will make it impossible for people to live fully and can only live with fear and obsession.
That's why a lot of people feel so anxious and so worried about their lives. They always have those haunting conversations in their heads, and those situations that they don't want to see. Most of the time, they're either trying to stop things from happening, or they're desperately trying to figure out what to do after they've already happened. When they struggle with life, it makes everything in heaven and earth the most terrible thing in life. So for fear, everyone has to learn to let go and learn to accept that life is uncontrolled and ever-changing.
For example, if a child does something wrong at school and is very upset and upset, he will spend a long time thinking about how to cover it up, how to avoid letting his parents know about it, and how to eliminate the impact of it. But when the child returned home, he found that his family already knew about it. The child was taught a lesson, but after that, things were not as bad as he had imagined, his life went on, and the outcome of his fears was acceptable. In this process, the worst and most difficult time is the process of him covering up the problem and struggling with it. When the problem actually happened, he was not so painful.
To this end, Singh suggested that everyone should master the skill of "looking upward" in life. It is to always look forward at any time and continue to open up a new journey in life. If we always stare at the problems in front of us and look at the mistakes we have made in the past, we will only feel that every minute is suffering, but if we detach ourselves from the present, look at the future, look back at ourselves, and change our perspective, we will find that many things that bother us are just an experience in life.
For example, when many people were students, they felt that going to school was too hard, the pressure of exams was heavy, the discipline of parents was very strict, and the requirements of school teachers were very high...... Being in it, everything is so difficult, and everyone wants to graduate early and enter society early.
However, when we really entered the society and looked back at our student days, we would find that the study time at that time was very beautiful, everyone was full of youthful vitality, and we didn't have to worry about making a living every day, and we always felt very fulfilled in our hearts. That's how we look at life differently.
How to pull out the "thorn" in your heart
In addition, many people refuse to let go of their obsession because they have been hurt, just like someone else has pricked a thorn in their arm, which is very deep, and they can't pull it out for a while, and it hurts when they touch it.
In general, people will have two options. One is self-protection, this thorn makes people feel very painful, then the best way is not to touch it, and do not let others touch it. The second is that long pain is better than short pain, pull out the thorn, and you don't have to worry about this problem in the future.
If you think about it seriously, most people will probably make the second option, which is to have a one-time pain and permanently pull out the thorn. But the reality is that most people choose the first option, no longer touching the thorn, and not letting others touch it.
For example, a girl is in love, but unfortunately, she meets an unfaithful boyfriend, and her first feeling of love after the breakup is mostly sad and disappointed, feeling that in a short time, she does not want to invest in a new relationship, and even has doubts about herself and the man.
This is actually planting a thorn in yourself. It is conceivable that in her later life, perhaps as soon as she falls in love, or comes into contact with other men, she can't help but compare it with her first love. And every time you compare, it is to touch that thorn once and make your mind unbalanced.
If we think about it carefully, we will find that people actually have many "thorns" in life, those who miss, failures, painful experiences, and so on. If you can't really let go, they will always come out inadvertently and cause a lot of pain to people.
After a long time, a person's heart and actions are restricted, and they dare not get too close to others, and they are unwilling to establish too close relationships with others, because they are afraid of being touched by the thorn in their hearts again. In this way, a person is dominated by a place of inner fragility, and cannot live in the world easily.
Singh pointed out that the process of pulling out thorns is not difficult, but it is difficult to realize that you have the ability to pull out thorns.
Specifically, we need to pay proper attention to the heart, but at the same time learn to detach. We still use the example just now, a girl was betrayed by her boyfriend in her first love, and she has been unable to let go, if one day, she meets her first boyfriend by chance, how to pull out this "thorn"?
At this time, maybe she will soon return to the pain of the year, and even want to escape, regardless of the other party, out of sight. But if you want to pull out the thorn, you can't actually think about running away at this time, but focus on your inner feelings. Even though it is painful, accept and endure it temporarily.
Then I asked myself internally: who is in pain, and who is making me feel pain? Is it my ex-boyfriend? It seems that no, they have not been in touch for a long time. At this time, the girl will realize that the initial pain seems to be given by her first love boyfriend, but the later pain has nothing to do with her first love boyfriend, but she brought it herself, and she has always regarded herself as the little girl of her first love and did not come out.
Realizing this, the girl will find that she is no longer the child she was the original child and should be able to let go. So the real way to pull out the thorn is the way to discover yourself. When we no longer suffer for ourselves at the beginning, and make up our minds to choose to let go, those "thorns" will naturally disappear.