"If you knew me in the past, maybe you would forgive me now. ”
Maybe you haven't read this book, I'm sure you've heard of this sentence.
It comes from Zhang Ailing's famous article "Love in a Fallen City".
The novel is set in old Shanghai and tells the emotional entanglement between Bai Tassel, a divorced woman, and Fan Liuyuan, a wealthy son.
Decades have passed, and the soul of her pen and the tenacity of her words still make countless readers addicted to it.
When she was young, she couldn't understand Bai Tassel's helplessness, and her mind was completely affected by her twists and turns of love with Fan Liuyuan.
After many years, when I revisited it, I found the deep meaning contained in it:
There has never been a life without wind and waves, and all the strength and forbearance are ripened by life.
Reading the story of the white tassel, maybe you will be able to understand the secret of living this life well.
Human affection is as thin as paper, and learn to look down on people's hearts
There is a sentence in the book that is impressive:
"Everyone is locked in their own little world, she can't hit her head, she seems to be stunned. ”
This is a true portrayal of Bai Tassel after returning home from divorce.
The Bai family was originally a famous family, but because Bai Tassel's father was a gambler, he lost most of the family business, and the situation was already much worse than before.
Stills from "Love in a Fallen City" / source: Douban Movie
Seven or eight years ago, Bai Tassel divorced because she couldn't stand the domestic violence, and the reason why her brothers were willing to let her go home was mainly because they coveted the lot of money she got after the divorce.
White Tassel was defenseless against her family and gave the money directly to her brothers, and it was not until her own money was lost that she realized the hardship of her situation.
The brothers were anxious to get rid of her, a hot potato, and after learning that her ex-husband had died, they tried their best to persuade her to go back to her ex-husband Dai Xiao to mourn.
Because according to the custom of the time, the white tassel could pass a nephew and then continue to live in the in-law's house.
But this is undoubtedly a shame for the white tassel.
She said indignantly:
"It's been seven or eight years since we got married, and all those legal procedures were all foolish? ”
After hearing this, the brothers used the Three Platforms and Five Constants and Tianli to gag her in an unkind tone, and the sisters-in-law even cursed her for being a broom star.
After all, I just want to send her away.
Not only that, but even the servants of the Bai family would chew the root of their tongues behind their backs and sneer at her.
Bai Tassel accumulated a stomach full of grievances and grievances, and knelt in front of the old lady Bai to complain.
Unexpectedly, Mrs. Bai was not moved in the slightest, and only blindly avoided the important and trivialized, so that she could understand the difficulties of the Bai family.
At that moment, she was completely chilled by her family.
She regretted that she had not done it at the beginning, and now she is penniless, and even if she wants to leave, she has nowhere to go.
Stills from "Love in a Fallen City" / source: Douban Movie
I have to sigh: human feelings are like paper, and the world is like a flipbook.
In fact, many people have never experienced such cold treatment?
When you are exhausted, what you get is often not charcoal in the snow, but falling into the well;
When you are depressed and helpless, what you gain is often not warm care, but cold dislike.
Even if it is a close relative, it is difficult to resist the consideration of interests and the test of reality.
There is a saying that is both heartfelt and thorough:
"Life is all over the cold, when you are beautiful, there are many guests, and when you are down, the benefits are scattered. ”
When we are young, we don't understand the subtleties of human nature, and we always give unreservedly and easily deliver our sincerity.
It wasn't until I encountered the sinister of human feelings that I woke up:
Life is full of ups and downs, we must know how to protect ourselves and learn to look down on people's hearts. Only in this way can you resist the variables in your relationship and prevent yourself from falling into a miserable situation.
Life is full of dead ends, and you must know how to turn
Just when she was disheartened, Mrs. Xu's words woke her up.
She knew that she was not highly educated, and she couldn't do manual work, coupled with the constraints on women in the old era, it was not easy to find something to do.
She originally wanted Mrs. Xu to help find a way out.
Mrs. Xu was well aware of her difficulties and advised her to "find something fake, or find someone is real".
These words made her rethink her life and realize that marriage is the guarantee for the rest of her life.
Therefore, she entrusted Mrs. Xu to help keep an eye on it.
On this day, Mrs. Xu arranged a dinner party and wanted to introduce the rich son Fan Liuyuan to the seventh miss of the Bai family.
Stills from "Love in a Fallen City" / source: Douban Movie
Unexpectedly, by mistake, it created an opportunity for Bai Tassel and Fan Liuyuan to meet.
Fan Liuyuan doesn't like the jewels of Baoluo, but likes the elegance of white tassels.
He invited Bai Tassel to dance three times in a row, and he made no secret of his affection for her.
After returning home, the Bai family ridiculed Bai Tassel in front of him for being shameless and stealing the limelight from his sister.
She had long been accustomed to hearing these cold words, but she was not angry, but felt that she was angry.
She secretly thought that Fan Liuyuan was a good object, but she still had doubts about Fan Liuyuan's feelings.
It didn't take long for Mrs. Xu to invite Bai Tassel to Hong Kong together.
Everyone was surprised, only Bai Tassel understood in his heart that Mrs. Xu must have been entrusted by Fan Liuyuan.
She was determined to gamble on her future, and nothing worse could be worse than the present. So, she readily agreed.
Sure enough, as soon as they arrived in Hong Kong, they met Fan Liuyuan.
The two go in and out of pairs every day, and many people mistakenly think that they are husband and wife, but in fact, they have not taken a substantial step between them.
As the relationship deepened, Bai Tassel could be sure that Fan Liuyuan loved him, but he had no intention of getting married, and he just wanted to have a spiritual love with him.
This is contrary to her original intention, she does not want to humiliate herself in the relationship, and she also wants to give each other time to consider, so she decides to return to Shanghai.
Fan Liuyuan didn't force her to stay, but just sent her to Shanghai and left.
Stills from "Love in a Fallen City" / source: Douban Movie
Perhaps it was a short separation that made Fan Liuyuan finally understand his feelings for Bai Tassel.
Soon, Fan Liuyuan invited Bai Tassel to Hong Kong again.
When he received the white tassel at the dock, he said affectionately: "You are my medicine." ”
That night, they confirmed their relationship.
Seeing this, many people will sincerely admire the courage and rationality of the white tassel.
When the original path doesn't work, she can adjust herself in time and find another way, instead of Gu Ying self-pity and immerse herself in pain.
In this world, no one's life is smooth sailing.
Everyone can fall into trouble due to the trials and tribulations of life, and the key to breaking the game is often not the external environment, but depends on one's own thinking.
If you can't solve the problem, it's better to think from a different angle, and if you can't take the road that doesn't work, you might as well try to take a different path.
As long as the end remains the same, even if it is a different path, it can also end together.
Just as said in "Rong Zhai's Essays": "Things are not the same, but there is a fixed thing, and there are hundreds of rivers and twists and turns, and they will return to the sea." ”
There is no eternal dilemma in life, and only by knowing how to turn your mind can you have more possibilities for happiness.
In adult love, the heart is the home
The reunion in life always seems to be too rushed.
Within a few days, Fan Liuyuan was going to the UK on official business.
He settled the white tassel and left.
Unexpectedly, at this time, a war broke out in Hong Kong.
White Tassel had nowhere to take refuge and could only hide at home with the servants.
Fan Liuyuan's ship could not leave due to the war, and the next morning, he hurriedly found a military truck to pick up the white tassels.
As soon as Bai Tassel saw him, he held his arm tightly, feeling that the person in front of him was like a world away. They went to the Repulse Bay Hotel together, but it also became a battlefield, with gunsmoke and bullets shuttling, and people had nowhere to hide.
At that moment, the heavens and the earth were so big, but they only had each other.
Stills from "Love in a Fallen City" / source: Douban Movie
This experience of suffering together made them understand:
In the years of war, wealth, status, and houses ...... They are no longer reliable, and the only thing they can rely on is their own lives and the people who accompany them.
In the end, they narrowly escaped the catastrophe.
After the armistice, they decided to get married, and they also published a marriage notice in the newspapers.
In the red dust, everyone will meet people who make their hearts move in their lives, either because of their appearance, or because of their personality, or because of their talent.
Many people would define this feeling as liking, or even loving.
But when you follow your heart, you find that it is just a temporary favor.
In fact, true love is not only heartbeat, but also heart-setting.
There is no deliberate disguise, and each other treats feelings with the truest heart;
There are no too many trade-offs, and they are willing to face the bits and pieces of life together;
There is no need to worry about it, and I can consciously resist all kinds of temptations from the outside world.
In reality, not all love can enter marriage, but the love that can eventually enter marriage must inevitably have a sense of stability.
There is a sentence in "You and My Alluring Time": "Marriage is the most perfect destination for love." ”
For adults in love, marriage is an island of safety for them to shelter from the wind and rain and to rest each other's souls.
Source: Visual China
Zhang Ailing's white tassel is just an ordinary woman.
Without the blessing of his family and his rich knowledge, he was able to use his wisdom to reverse the dilemma of his life after tasting the pain of a blunt knife cutting flesh.
In the face of the coldness of human nature, she struggled with despair, saw through the fragility of human feelings, and regained her strength;
In the face of life's tribulations, she confronted helplessness, adjusted her life course, and found another way out;
Faced with the choice of love, she mediated with anxiety, stayed true to her heart, and worked every step of the way.
I've heard a saying:
"Life is like this, you pray that it will be free from wind and rain, but there will be greater calamities to come;
You can't afford it, so you can only let the catastrophe spread, and in the end it will consume you, and there will be no bones left. ”
Life is destined to be bumpy, and if you want to live this life well, you must not give in to suffering, nor compromise with setbacks, let alone escape from reality, but cultivate yourself and face difficulties.
For the rest of my life, I hope you and I can laugh at the ups and downs of life, never give up in the predicament, never give up in the tribulation, and bravely go to our own future.
Author: Will leave.