"Why are you crying, what's going on?" My roommate asked me with concern.
I sobbed and said, "I had a fight outside with my boyfriend and he said I was getting old and should we break up and find a new young girl." "
"What's the quarrel? You guys have such a good relationship, you rarely quarrel. The roommate asked, confused.
He said I was 10 years older than him, and I wasn't young anymore and couldn't have children. I choked up as I explained.
My heart is mixed. We did have a 10-year age gap, but it was never a problem when we first met and fell in love. We have been together for more than two years, we know each other, we support each other, and I thought we would grow old together. I didn't expect him to start minding this. Maybe he was just angry for a while, but as soon as these words came out, my heart felt like an awl had been pierced, and I was in pain.
Seeing my heartbroken appearance, my roommate came up to hug me and patted me on the back to comfort me. I buried my head in her shoulder and wept bitterly. She gently patted me on the back and couldn't stop comforting me, "It's okay, don't cry, men are like that, they can say some angry words".
My body twitched and trembled, tears soaking the hem of her clothes. I whimpered and said, "Shouldn't we be together? I'm so much older than him, he's going to hate me." The roommate shook his head again and again, saying that it was enough for us to love each other, and it was not a big deal to be old.
Just when I was in pain, my phone rang suddenly. I looked at the caller ID and it was my boyfriend calling. I took a deep breath and pressed the answer button.
"Hey, what are you doing?" His voice came through the earpiece.
"Lying at home. I pretended to be calm, but my tone was so cold.
"What do you mean? I asked, with a hint of resentment in my tone.
"I'm sorry, I'm just angry, I certainly don't want us to break up. You didn't think I said it. He smiled.
"But what you've said has hurt me. My voice was a little choked, "I thought we could grow old together, but I didn't expect you to think I was too old." "
"No, I just didn't choose what to say for a while, don't take it to heart. I love you, I love you as a person, and it has nothing to do with age. He explained.
My mind is full of bits and pieces of our relationship. How did we meet? At a friend's party, the two of us were the last two to leave. I remember that night the moonlight was so gentle and charming, we walked side by side on the tree-lined path, you talked eloquently, witty words, I was led by you step by step immersed in it, forgetting the time. That's it, love at first sight, love at first sight.
In the days that followed, we were inseparable and had nothing to talk about. You are a very self-motivated young man, and I have been pursuing my dream career. We support each other and grow together. I thought that this relationship would go on forever. Unexpectedly, your words today were like a basin of cold water poured on my head, and I woke up this sweet dream.
I turned to my side, propped myself on the bed on my elbows, and put my hand on my forehead, lost in thought. His brows were tightly locked, and the corners of his mouth drooped. I sighed deeply, my eyes darkened. I gently wiped the tears from the corners of my eyes with my fingertips and lay back down.
Just as I was lost in thought, there was a knock at the door. I lifted the covers and looked over warily. There were a few more knocks on the door. I cautiously walked over and looked out through the door.
"It's me, open the door. "It's my boyfriend's voice.
I took a deep breath and opened the door. I saw him standing outside the door, looking apologetic. I didn't look away, I didn't speak.
"Are you still mad at me?" The boyfriend walked into the house and asked cautiously.
I turned my head away and said coldly, "What do you say?"
"I've apologized to you, so forgive me. He stepped forward and tried to put his arm around my shoulder, but I subconsciously avoided it, "I really love you and never thought of leaving you." "
"You love me? But you say I'm old, and I feel like you're disgusting with me. "My voice was full of accusations.
"It was just a spur of the moment, I was too impulsive. Forgive me this time, I will never say such hurtful things again. He looked at me pleadingly.
"How can you promise that you won't say it again in the future, if we have a child in the future, you will still dislike me when you look at me as I grow old, right?" I asked, my eyes moistening again.
"No, how can it be? You are the love of my life, how can I dislike you? Even if you grow old in the future, you will always be the most beautiful person in my eyes. He said, trying to hug me, but I subconsciously ducked backwards.
My heart is still hovering on the scales of breakup and forgiveness. I really loved him, but what he said really hit me. If we do have a child, when the child grows up, will he also dislike my old appearance? If we do break up, I will have nothing to rely on, and it will be too difficult to start from scratch alone. But if I forgive him, will he say more hurtful things in the future? What should I do? I will be hurt if I stay around, and I will have no one to turn to, these two paths make me hesitate.
On the one hand, I think back to the bits and pieces of our acquaintance, which were so sweet and beautiful that I couldn't bear to let go. On the other hand, his words today were like a heavy blow to my heart, making me begin to doubt the future of this relationship. What the hell am I going to do? to persevere, or to let go? My heart was in a state of tangle and pain that I had never experienced before.
I sat on the edge of the bed, my hands clenched into fists, so hard that my knuckles turned white. My brow tightened, and the corners of my mouth drooped lower. My eyes were fixed on the floor, my eyes glazed over, and I seemed to have lost focus completely.
When my boyfriend saw me like this, he stepped forward and tried to put his arm around my shoulder, but I subconsciously leaned back to avoid it. He sighed helplessly, and sat down on the edge of the bed, just a little distance.
"I'm sorry, I really didn't mean that. He said in a low voice, "I was just carried away by the angry words for a while, and I hurt you, and I apologize to you." Forgive me this time, I swear I'll never say it again. "
I was still staring at the floor, not speaking, but the expression on my face was getting uglier. Tears quickly swirled in my eyes, and I blinked vigorously to try to shake them off. But tears burst out of her eyes and flowed down her cheeks.
I lowered my head and covered my face with my hands, my shoulders shrugged and trembled, as if I was crying silently. Seeing this, my boyfriend reached out and wanted to hug me, but he retracted and just sat helplessly.
And just like that, an eerie silence crept through among us. All that was left in the room was my sobs and my boyfriend's deep sighs. We were at a stalemate, and neither of us spoke first. It was I who broke the awkward silence first.
"What did you say?" My boyfriend was clearly hit hard by my words. "You're not serious, are you?"
I looked up, my eyes were red, and tears were rippling: "I'm serious. Maybe there really is an insurmountable gap between us, and you have broken my heart when you say something like that today. "
"No, listen to me, I really didn't mean that! It was just a momentary angry talk, I was too impulsive!" He anxiously explained, "I truly love you, and I have never disliked your age. "
"I'm sorry, I was wrong. He hung his head, his tone full of self-reproach, "I was really too impulsive that day to say such cruel things. But you have to believe that I love you from the bottom of my heart and have never disliked your age. "
"Listen to me," he looked at me firmly, "we've known each other for so many years, and you should know very well what kind of person I am. I've never hated your age, I've just fallen in love with you as a person and everything about you. Even if you grow old in the future, you are still the most beautiful person in my eyes. "
My boyfriend's sincere words shook my inner defense. Yes, we've known each other for so long, and he's always treated me so lovingly. He never hurt me with the excuse of age, and he never hated me that I was so many years older than him. We went from knowing each other to falling in love with each other, and it was so natural that even our closest friends turned a blind eye to our "peculiar" age difference couple.
But once I forgive him, if he still says such things in the future, will I not be even more sad? What should I do? Do I forgive him, or do I just break the relationship?
I clenched my fists so tightly that my knuckles were a little white. I bit my lip and frowned tightly as if I was struggling violently. My expression was a little dazed, my eyes were glazed, and I seemed to have completely lost focus.
When my boyfriend saw me like this, he stepped forward and put his arm around my shoulder. I subconsciously wanted to dodge, but he was hugged into his arms. My head rested on his shoulders and his hands patted gently against my back, as if to soothe the waves inside me.
"I'm sorry, it's all my fault. He whispered in my ear, "Forgive me this time, I swear I'll never say that again." "
I didn't speak, just wept silently. My body shrugged and trembled, and there was an air of helplessness and vulnerability all over my body. Seeing this, my boyfriend hugged me tighter, as if he wanted to warm the cold in my heart with his own temperature.
In this way, we remained in this position, sitting motionless on the edge of the bed. All that was left in the room was my sobs and my boyfriend's whispers. Time seemed to stand still at this moment, and the whole world was only the two of us.
After a while, my crying gradually subsided. I broke free from my boyfriend's arms and wiped tears from the corners of my eyes with the back of my hand. I took a deep breath and tried to calm myself down. My boyfriend just sat motionless, staring at me for fear that I would collapse again.