As parents, they all want to have both children in the family.
However, most families either have sons or daughters, and it is difficult to do so.
In some families, they have children and are very happy on the surface, but inside the family, there are still chicken feathers.
The ancients discussed the question of whether it was better to have a son or a daughter, and then left a saying: "A man who has a son is poor for a short time, and a child without a daughter is rich for a long time." ”
In the feudal era, people mainly farmed the land, and if there was no son in the family, it would be difficult to live this life.
Farming, or manual work, women are tough, but in the end they are not as good as men.
If you look at it from the perspective of being an official, a part-time worker, or a businessman, you can't do it without men. Although there were women as officials in ancient times, they were all exceptions. And the titles of the ancestors are passed on to men but not to women.
In business, women should not show their heads, just like things like "Zhuo Wenjun folds and sells wine", which makes everyone very curious.
Leading soldiers to fight, being soldiers, and female generals also exist, but they are very rare, and men are needed to charge into battle.
"Guanzi Xiao Kuang" said: "The four people of Shinong, industry and commerce, and the stone people of the country." ”
Any major type of work is the foundation of the country and cannot be shaken. Therefore, from top to bottom, there is a certain degree of "patriarchal preference".
With the passage of time, we have reached the age of science and technology, and the idea of equality between men and women has also been propagated a lot.
When we enter old age and look at ordinary family changes, we will still find that there is a difference between sons and daughters.
01
Regarding the ancestral business, parents are more inclined to give their ancestral business to their sons, fearing that their daughters will take away their ancestral business;
Netizen "Yang Yang" said a family affair of his own.
Her grandparents' generation is very patriarchal, and they give all the family business to their sons, and their daughters are penniless.
Before the grandparents passed away, they repeatedly explained that they could only let their son come to sweep the grave.
This is also in line with an ancient adage: "If a son-in-law does not go to the grave, he will insult Sven when he goes to the grave." ”
The ancient precept is very smooth, it is not to humiliate Sven at all, but to prevent the son-in-law from coming to sweep the tomb, and if he gets too close to his mother's family, he may take away his mother's property, and it will not work to get a piece of the pie.
Many years have passed in a flash, and the parents are very old, and the old father went to sweep the tomb, but it didn't work, so he could only arrange for his son to sweep the tomb.
As a grandson, the son worked outside the home most of the time and settled in the provincial capital. When I go to my hometown to sweep the grave, I am not very happy.
As a last resort, the father arranged for his daughter "Yang Yang" to sweep the grave. The daughter is even more unhappy, because the patriarchal behavior makes the daughter feel cold.
"Yang Yang" said that now the grandchildren in the family are all in other places, burning paper money, writing the address of their hometown on the paper money, and I don't know if the grandparents can receive it under Jiuquan.
If the older generation lives in the countryside, no matter how many sons they have, farming is no longer a big ancestral business, and the ancestral house cannot accommodate life.
It is far-fetched to force his son to inherit the ancestral business.
There are not many families who can have a lot of money in the city. If there is, leave it to the son, or the mainstream of the older generation.
There is also a worry that if the son loses, this ancestral business will also harm others.
02
Regarding marriage: families with sons buy a house and a car to pay a bride price and empty the family's funds; if a daughter marries, if the parents are ruthless, it can still bring a certain income; in most families, the pressure to raise a daughter is much less.
There is a netizen who summed up one sentence and made it clear the truth of the marriage of children: give birth to a child to protect the surname, and give birth to a daughter to save your life!
When parents reach the age of fifty or sixty, their children will start a family.
Although he keeps saying: "Children and grandchildren have their own children and grandchildren." ”
But if parents don't handle the marriage affair, it won't work. Buying a house and a car, bride price, this can't be hundreds of thousands?
Many parents, because of their son's marriage, returned to poverty overnight. There will even be a family, in debt.
The most terrible thing is that for the sake of their son's marriage, when the parents force their daughter to marry, they ask for a large bride price, and then take the bride price to fill the gap in the money for their son's marriage.
Relatively speaking, it is much easier for families to raise daughters. At least there is no trouble with a house and a car, at most it is how much the other party gives and how much things to do.
Even if she is an only daughter, she will stick it a little bit, reflecting the kindness of being a person, and buying a house is not a mandatory requirement.
Nowadays, the concept of "marrying out and marrying in" has begun to blur in many places.
After the children get married, they all live in other places and do not settle in one of the parents' hometowns. Marriage, it all seems to be about the same.
In contrast, families with sons suffer more in marriage, and their parents are also troubled.
03
About filial piety: At first, parents thought that their son was the main force of filial piety, but if they found that their son was unreliable, they remembered their daughter.
When the parents are middle-aged, the son will inherit the family business, and he will also start a family, and it is reliable to provide for the elderly in the future.
But after the son gets married, whether he is filial or not, he must listen to the advice of his daughter-in-law.
The daughter-in-law is actually the daughter of her parents. still hasn't gotten rid of the fundamental logic of "daughters also have to provide for the elderly".
If the daughter-in-law is very powerful, the parents have to rely on themselves to support the elderly. But the parents have hollowed out everything for their son's marriage, so how can they rely on themselves?
Especially for the elderly parents in the countryside, farming is income, and living expenses and sick expenses are definitely not equal. And at a great age, farming may not be able to bear it.
Suddenly, I found that many parents couldn't count on their sons, and began to ask their daughters for "filial piety".
Of course, it is right for a daughter to be filial to her parents, but if the daughter does not get the foundation of the ancestral industry, filial piety will not go so smoothly. There is a comparison in life.
Old parents who are doing well should try to be kind to their daughters and reduce the eccentricity of patriarchy. Therefore, it is much easier to rely on your daughter to provide for the elderly.
04
The principle that "those who have children will not be poor for a long time, and those who have no children and daughters will not grow rich" was very practical in ancient times, but it is not very practical today.
As more people leave their homes and go to big cities, each generation has to "rely on itself".
A few acres of land, a few old houses, and a few forests carry the labor of our ancestors for generations, but we can't take it too seriously, don't think that we will keep it, and our children and grandchildren will be carefree. These are not ancient "fiefdoms", let alone establish themselves as kings here.
Parents rely on themselves to support their old age, and children rely on themselves to get rich, so that they are really "poor for a long time".
Regarding whether a son is better or a daughter, on the one hand, there is the existence of traditional thinking, and on the other hand, the cognition of the elderly is too low, which causes internal friction in the family.
Discarding the dross of the ancient precepts and taking the essence of them is the real truth, don't generalize.
Author: Cloth Clothes Coarse Food.
Follow my words and go into your heart.
The pictures in the article come from the Internet.