Text: Marriage counselor Liu Jie
Love is sweet, but behind the sweetness is often heartbreak, especially in the face of being broken up.
When a man doesn't love you anymore and wants to leave you, a woman's first reaction is often to keep the man.
So, how do you keep a man who is leaving?
01
First, let's talk about two false ways to retain them.
One is humble and good, and the other is endless entanglement.
This is a method that many women will use, but countless real-life cases tell us that doing so will only push men further away and leave you more decisively.
When you try to keep him by currying favor, you will only lose yourself and become no longer yourself.
And this change will not make a man change his mind, but will make him more determined to leave. Because you have become unrecognizable, men have no reason to love you.
When you want to use entanglement to make the other party change their minds, it will only make the man feel extremely bored.
Your frequent phone calls, text messages, and even unsolicited "blockings" can be overwhelming for men. He will feel that you are disturbing his life, and the more you entangle, the more you will become disgusting in his eyes.
When you use entanglement to redeem someone, not only will it not make him change his mind, but it will also make him hide from you further.
02
The way to retain a man who is leaving, the real way to work, is often the following steps.
First, reflect calmly and find out the root cause of the problem.
When something goes wrong in a relationship, it's often not wise to act blindly.
At this time, you need to calm down and think about what went wrong in the relationship.
Is it a miscommunication, a mismatch of values, or an emotional out-of-control caused by the stress of life?
Only when we find the root cause of the deterioration of the relationship can we know where to remedy and redeem it.
Second, communicate openly and listen to his ideas.
Once we get to the root of the problem, we need to have a heart-to-heart conversation with the man.
If you want to keep him, then you need to be honest about your feelings and thoughts, and also listen to what he thinks and why he has to break up.
At this time, you are not arguing with him about right and wrong, your purpose is to find out what he really thinks and find out the real reason for his departure.
If this step is passed, how can we redeem it in order to have more direction.
Again, change positively and show your new self.
If you find that you do have some problems in the relationship, such as being too dependent on the other person, emotional instability, etc., then you need to make corresponding changes if you want to keep the other person.
This is not to say that you have to cater to him without principles, but try to change what you are doing inappropriately in the relationship and try to be a better lover.
If you can be more independent, more emotionally controlled, and have a whole new twist, then the man may be able to re-examine your relationship.
Finally, keep a proper distance and give him space to think.
Sometimes, the right distance can make two people see each other more clearly.
When he decides to leave, you have to give him some space, don't keep chasing him and asking why, and don't pester him and force him to give you answers.
It is a very necessary step to give him some time, to calm him down, and to bring himself back to his senses.
Of course, this does not mean that you have to completely disappear from his life, but first press the pause button on your relationship and give each other some time and space.
It is used to calm emotions and think better.
03
In the process of having a man, you have to pay more attention to your own life.
Don't let himself live in a mess because of his departure, crying all day long, or buying drunk indulgence, and life can't go on normally.
None of these practices are advisable, and if you become like this, how can you give the other person the motivation to turn back?
So, you have to live more wonderfully and let him see your charm. Because you have to understand whether two people can continue to be together, the most important thing is whether you are still attractive to him.
When you focus on yourself and work hard to improve yourself, you will find that you become more confident and attractive.
It's important to maintain dignity and self-confidence throughout the retention process. After all, love doesn't come by begging, it's attracted to each other.
As Xu Zhimo said: "I will visit my only soul mate in the vast sea of people; ”
You can do your best to keep him, but if you can't get him to come back, learn to accept it.
We keep someone, often in order to leave no regrets for our love, but also because you still have feelings for him and can't let go.
The other party has already made up his mind, and there is no need to force it. It's better to try to let go, and you can encounter more possibilities.