Text: Marriage counselor Liu Jie
Someone said: "A good marriage is when two people make progress together and become a better version of themselves together." ”
However, not every marriage can be so happy. In a long married life, there will always be problems of one kind or another.
Some problems can be repaired in time and the relationship can be restored as before, while some problems are a sign of the end of fate.
had to face the end of a failed marriage.
If we can detect these signs earlier, adjust and improve them, then there is still a chance for the marriage to improve.
Normally, the three red flags in marriage, once they appear, may mean that the fate between husband and wife has come to an end.
01
Silent and less communicative
If there is no even the most basic communication between husband and wife, then it is no different from strangers.
When couples talk less and less to each other, or even become reticent and have nothing to say, this is a red flag that cannot be ignored.
As Leo Tolstoy said, "Happy families are all alike, and unhappy families are unhappy in their own way." ”
When a husband and wife reach the point where there is nothing to say, it is often the beginning of an unhappy marriage.
Mr. Zhang and Ms. Wang are a couple who have been married for many years. At first, their married life was full of laughter, but the pressure of life, work and the trivialities of life made the two drift apart.
They couldn't say a few words from morning to night, and there was hardly any in-depth communication every day, except for the necessary daily conversations.
Ms. Wang is immersed in the busyness of work, while Mr. Zhang spends more time on socializing and entertaining.
Gradually, the two find that there are fewer and fewer topics to talk about between them, and even quarrels have become a luxury.
When silence becomes the norm between husband and wife, then the relationship will slowly wither.
If there is a problem in the marriage, most of the time it can be solved through communication. But if there is no communication, then marriage is like a pool of stagnant water, which will only make people more and more disappointed.
02
Blame each other, lack of understanding
In marriage, if there is no even the most basic understanding and tolerance, there is no way for those two people to go on.
When husbands and wives begin to blame each other, neither of them is willing to think about each other, nor is they willing to understand and make concessions, then the marriage is already in jeopardy.
As psychologist Carl Rogers said, "Understanding is at the heart of communication, and without understanding, there is no real communication." ”
The marriage between Mr. Li and Ms. Chen is one such obvious example.
They have been married for five years, which should have been a sweet time, but they drifted apart because of mutual accusations.
Mr. Li always blamed Ms. Chan for not being considerate and not knowing how to take care of the family, while Ms Chan complained that Mr. Li was not self-motivated enough to provide better living conditions for the family.
Amidst the accusations, they became more and more dissatisfied with each other, and in the end all that was left was endless quarrels and cold wars.
Blaming each other will only make the relationship between husband and wife more strained, and even cause cracks in the relationship.
In marriage, we should try to empathize, be more understanding and tolerant, and less blame and complain.
03
Each lives its own life, and there is no intersection in life
Marriage is the beginning of two people's life together, but when the life of the husband and wife no longer intersects and begins to live separately, such a marriage has already existed in name only.
As the philosopher Aristotle said, "A common life is the bond that binds friendship." When this bond is broken, the relationship between husband and wife is gone.
Mr. Zhao and Ms. Liu are a long-distance couple who live apart for many years due to work.
In the beginning, they will also use video chat to maintain their relationship. It's just that after a long time like this, both of them have their own things to be busy with.
Mr. Zhao is getting busier and busier at work in other places, and Ms. Liu has also established her own social circle around her.
Gradually, their lives began to have no intersections, and even festivals and anniversaries became dispensable.
When couples begin to live their own lives, the relationship will only become more and more indifferent.
Marriage needs emotional links, and only when two people maintain close contact and interaction in life can this precious fate be maintained.
When these three red flags appear in a marriage, we need to be alert and take appropriate measures to remedy them. Instead of listening to it, the rift between the two people is getting bigger and bigger.
Marriage is not easy, and I hope that each of us can "do it and cherish it".