Qilu.com Lightning News, April 29 This year, 9-year-old Xiaoyue (pseudonym) is a third-grade student, Xiaoyue's mother Li Rui (pseudonym) said that as soon as the child does his homework, he squeezes his eyebrows, moves around, and makes strange noises, and he can't finish a question in an hour. The more her mother stopped, the more energetic Xiaoyue became.
The accompanying images are not relevant to this article
After an interview and a series of examinations, Xiaoyue was diagnosed with childhood mood disorder, attention deficit and hyperactivity disorder. Li Rui, who got the diagnosis, was very devastated: "My daughter is only 9 years old this year, why is this happening." So, what kind of story happened to Xiaoyue?
After communicating with Li Rui, Xu Huijie, a family education instructor of Button Family Education Group, found the following problems.
First, there is too much interference, arrangement, and control
On weekdays, Li Rui's focus is all on Xiaoyue, as long as she doesn't do a good job, she will point it out, thinking that this is the real responsible education.
For example, once when she visited the park, Xiaoyue saw a roller skating team training, and she couldn't take her eyes off it, so she had to skate by herself. After skating, she became very interested in roller skating and begged Li Rui to let her join the roller skating team. But Li Rui felt that roller skating was a very dangerous sport and didn't want her to go. And deliberately hit her: "You don't skate well, and this sport is not for you, forget it." Later, Xiaoyue never mentioned the roller skating team again.
In this regard, the instructor gave an analysis: "When a child suffers too much neglect and denial, she loses control of her life and is always in a state of 'being attacked by her mother', and she will naturally have self-protective behaviors to escape from external pressure and protect her heart from harm." ”
Second, parents' anxiety brings stress
When it comes to children's education, Li Rui is particularly anxious, for fear that her children will be one step behind others. Every time I hear someone say that their children will shine in a competition, they are afraid that their daughter will not shine compared to others.
Therefore, Li Rui enrolled Xiaoyue in many classes, piano, painting, calligraphy, Go, swimming, badminton, guzheng and so on. Xiao Yue hardly has any personal time.
The instructor told Li Rui: "It is especially easy for parents to combine the strengths of different children and become the legendary 'other people's children'. Compare his grades with the first in his class, his body and athletic elites, and his emotions with the 'good' children. ”
The accompanying images are not relevant to this article
3. Grumpy fathers and oppressive family environments
Xiaoyue's father is very short-tempered. There were several emotional uncontrollable times when tutoring her daughter to study, but she was reluctant to blame her daughter, so she would beat herself in front of her daughter, and Li Rui and the child's father did not agree with the educational concept, and often quarreled because of the child's problems.
The instructor believes that the child is the most sensitive person of the family relationship, and the family atmosphere determines the child's survival state. In irritable families, children feel lonely and restless. In a quarrelsome family, the child sees fear and despair.
Li Rui finally understood the reason for her daughter's "problem". With the help of the instructor, Li Rui began to solve problems in a targeted manner:
1. Let go of anxiety and rebuild the parent-child relationship
"Every child is unique, and they have their own pace and strengths," the instructor said. Parents should learn to appreciate their children's uniqueness and not blindly compare themselves to others. Be your child's guide, supporter, and partner, not an overly anxious monitor or accusator. ”
After understanding this, Li Rui gradually let go of her anxiety, canceled all the interest classes she enrolled in for her daughter, and saw her daughter's advantages with the eyes of discovery. is no longer a high-minded parent, but often stands in line with her.
The accompanying images are not relevant to this article
After not stopping the child from learning roller skating, Xiaoyue and a few good classmates in the class often made an appointment to go to the park to skate together. They also formed a group, went to school together, ate together, and celebrated birthdays together, and this friendship nourished her.
2. Accept emotions and regain your child's sense of security
"As a parent, you must first understand that there is no good or bad emotion, and that every emotion has its own value. When parents try to accept their own emotions and those of their children, they are giving them a safe space to express their feelings freely. In this way, the child can feel understood and accepted, which can lead to a sense of security. ”
Li Rui gradually let go of her daughter's standards and expectations and accepted her emotions. And create various opportunities to take Xiaoyue to the beach, check in Internet celebrity restaurants, and watch movies. Gradually, the daughter's guard was loosened, and the mother and daughter's solitary chat went smoothly.
3. Improve the relationship between husband and wife and create a harmonious atmosphere
"The relationship between husband and wife is the anchor of the family, and a stable relationship between husband and wife can give children a sense of security, and a sense of security is the foundation of children's mental health growth. The instructor said.
After realizing this problem, Li Rui explained the problem to the child's father. For the sake of the child, the couple began to understand and tolerate each other, and everything was discussed. The child's father's temper has gradually improved a lot, and he is not the kind of beard blowing and glaring at his daughter, and there is less criticism, accusation and complaint from before.
Gradually, there was more interaction between Xiaoyue and her parents, and the house was full of laughter. As Xiaoyue's condition is getting better and better, after the doctor's diagnosis, various symptoms have been reduced a lot, and the drug can be stopped. In a monthly exam after the start of the new semester, Xiaoyue's grades improved by leaps and bounds, and she was admitted to the tenth place in the class.
(This article is a real case, and the characters in the article are pseudonyms, please do not sit in the opposite number.) ）
Flash News reporter Hao Binjie reports