Entering the deep winter, the winding mountain valley is already a line of heaven and earth, a vast white field, and the white snow has added chill to the winter of the remaining veins of the Great Xing'an Mountains. Having lived in this place with four distinct seasons for a long time, I have long been accustomed to the stark contrast between heat and cold, to the growth of plants and trees in spring, the verdant greenery in summer, the abundance and dazzling colors of autumn, and the withering and desolate winter. I'm used to the subtle changes that the seasons bring to every aspect of my life. But every time I wrap my cotton clothes tightly and wrap my body tightly, standing outside the courtyard of the small village, I can still feel the biting bones of this cold winter. The withering that greeted my eyes stung my somewhat fragile heart, and the cold of this winter not only left pain on my skin, but also injected a slight chill into my heart, and the feeling of touching the scene has made my eyes hazy with tears......
For days, my dreams were full of my mother's figure. It's been nearly two years since my mother died, and for the past two years, my mother has appeared in my mind and memory every moment, but before that, I rarely dreamed of my mother, I don't know what this is for, whether I don't miss my mother enough, or if my mother doesn't let me grieve too much...... Although I am already used to everything in life when I reach middle age, I really haven't adapted to life without a mother. When my mother was there, I didn't deliberately cherish all the warm days, and after my mother left, I felt that I was still a child who needed to grow up. After my mother died, I sold the building in the town and returned to the small village bungalow where I grew up, which is also the place where my father and mother worked hard all their lives, and it can be regarded as the only "inheritance" left to me by my parents. Now it seems that the economic value of the small courtyard is insignificant, but it is priceless in my life. There are too many mothers' shadows here, everything I know about my mother, and more importantly, I can see my father and mother sleeping in the col.
The bits and pieces of my mother's life have carved a deep imprint in the depths of my memory, and my father has passed away for many years, and it is my mother who comforted each other emotionally all the way in my life and went through the low point of that life. After marrying her father, her father was capable at home and abroad, and her mother was not greatly tired, and her mother's life had been quite comfortable in the days before her father's illness. After my father's illness, my mother's life began to work a lot, when our three sisters and brothers were not too old to help, the work of the family could not help, and the burden of life was all on the shoulders of my mother alone, but the conceivable difficulties did not let my mother shout a word of bitterness and tiredness in front of us, but the increasingly thin body and gradually aging face could not deceive anyone. At that time, the family planted dozens of acres of land, and there was no current mechanical farming, relying on manual operation. My mother, who could not use a horse-drawn plough to plough the land, had to work with her neighbors, which made her much more tired than the farmers who also cultivated the land. In the middle of the night, I often hear the low moaning of the overworked mother's whole body...... But every morning we woke up, the food was already in the pot, and the figure of my mother had disappeared in the wheat field.
I stumbled and persevered until my sister and brother got married and started a family. The death of my father was a blow that could never be repaired to my mother, and the sky collapsed for my mother. Although my father was ill for more than ten years, he continued to undergo surgery and hospitalization, extending the survival period of cancer to more than ten years, which was rare in rural families at that time. These are all in exchange for the strong efforts of her mother, a thin village woman. The death of my father was expected, but it was a reality that could never be accepted by my mother, who collapsed mentally and physically several times, and her spiritual pillar collapsed. Her mother, who had been lying without eating or drinking for a few days, endured her grief and began to do her household chores again silently, because in her consciousness she had not yet finished her task. We haven't put our siblings back on the right track yet. My sister married away from home, my sister and I had their studies interrupted, and my mother had always felt a deep sense of guilt, which she attributed to her own incompetence. She has been living in self-blame. She thought that she had not helped her eldest daughter, who had just started a family, and that she had not provided for her son and youngest daughter who could study, so that for many years afterward, she kept telling her relatives and friends that she had delayed her children's lives. When we hear this from the mouths of our relatives, we feel a kind of pain in our hearts.
In fact, my father's serious illness and my mother's hard work have made my sister and I have no mind to study, and our academic performance has plummeted, which is not to blame my mother. I don't know, my mother has been keeping this account on her body and carrying it for half her life. My father's serious illness, as well as our sister and sister three have started a family, my mother is in debt, in the most difficult days of my family, all the relatives have extended a helping hand to us, human, material, financial, and close relatives repeatedly told my mother not to pay back their money, but the strong mother will keep every debt in mind, and in the days that followed, they will pay off one by one, she often admonishes us to repay the debt is a matter of course. After our days gradually improved, my mother always told us to repay our relatives and friends who had given us selfless help in times of difficulty. Mother's deeds are educating us to be upright and down-to-earth.
Time will always pass inadvertently, and the bits and pieces of my mother in the long river of years have imperceptibly taught the behavior of our sisters and brothers. Let's be more independent and stronger. In my mother's later life, we always want to make her live a comfortable and comfortable life after suffering for half her life. I always want to make up for all my mother's efforts, but my mother is always idle to help us take care of the children and clean up the house. Every time I went to my sister's or sister's house for a few days, I began to think about going home, so that my sister and sister always said that my mother was most worried about me, the only son. In fact, I feel the same way as my mother, who feels empty after being away from me for a few days, and always thinks that my mother is in my sight so that my life can be considered full. More often, the figure of the mother is in the small vegetable garden, ploughing the ground, beating stems, sowing seeds, fertilizing, loosening the soil, pulling weeds...... Every process is done meticulously, and the busy figure is shaking in front of my eyes, and my life has a lot of warmth. In my spare time, my mother would sit under the windowsill near the sun, put on reading glasses, and start hand-collecting insoles, pair after pair, so that after she was gone, the stack of insoles was thick enough for me to pad for many years......
I know that my mother can't see the thousands of words I have written now, and all my thoughts about my mother can only be expressed by tapping on the keyboard, and I can express my grief with words. Leaning in front of the window, with the help of the light refracted from the room, watching the snowflakes outside the window being swallowed by the dark night, and every crystal clear snowflake that fell on the glass knocked on my heart, this is a warning and greeting from my mother......