"Mom, what to do?" My Barbie's clothes are dirty, can I wash them for her? ”
"Okay, when my mother is free another day, I will help her wash it," I said casually while busy with the things in my hands
When he finally finished his work, he found that the four-year-old was clumsily washing Barbie's clothes, making himself wet, and spilling a pool of water on the floor. My temper came up in an instant, and I drank why she played with water, and I didn't care to listen to her arguments, so I criticized Barabala.
After a long time, my mood stabilized, the child told me that the kindergarten donation activity, she is ready to donate her favorite Barbie, she wants barbie to clean, she sees that I am busy, she wants to do her own laundry for Barbie.
Looking at the child's aggrieved little eyes, I realized that I rarely listened carefully to the needs of the child, walked into the child's world, listened to the child's voice, and truly understood my child.
For many of the children's remarks, we always seem to be accustomed to ignoring, thinking that fairy tales are just some naïve remarks, and many things children do are nothing more than children's nonsense. Children's right to speak is very small, and it is not valued, in fact, many times, we should put down the things in our hands, enter the child's world, and listen carefully to the child's voice.
Where Is My Friend's Home is a 1987 film by Iranian director Abbas, produced by the Iranian Youth Institute, which won the Iranian Best Director, Best Picture Award in 1987, Best Director, Best Sound Recording, Jury Award at the Tehran International Film Festival in the same year, the Jury Prize, Special Recommendation Award at the Lucano International Film Festival in 1989, and the Art Film Award at the Cannes Film Festival in 1989. What kind of film can win many awards internationally, and what is the charm of this movie?
The storyline of the film is very simple, telling the story of a small rural school in Iran, the protagonist Ahmad accidentally took the homework book of the same table Nemazadi home, Ahmad in order to return the homework book to Nemazadi, over the mountains to his Place, want to return the homework to the table. The film tells such a heart-warming story, allowing us to see the kindness and simplicity of the child's inner world. Behind this kindness and innocence, it also makes us think: Do we really understand children? What is going on in the child's heart? What are the reasons behind your child's behavior? Do we really know? We should go into the child's heart, listen carefully to the child's voice, and truly understand the child.
In the movie, schools, families, and society perfunctory and ignore children, so that we can see it heart-wrenching at the same time, but also let us reflect on how we treat children when we get along with children. Is it also as depicted in the movie, too perfunctory and ignorant of the child, and not to really understand the child?
<h1 class= "pgc-h-arrow-right" > school's attitude toward children</h1>
The film opens with the school teacher checking the homework when he found that the student Nemazadi wrote the homework on the paper, the teacher was very angry, tore off the homework of the Emazadi, and severely questioned him how many times he wrote the homework on the paper, Emazadi cried with fear, the teacher also sternly warned him, the next time he wrote the homework on the paper, he fired him.
Nemazadi's homework was forgotten at his cousin's house, the teacher indiscriminately concluded that it was because of greed, the teacher did not go to him alone to understand the specific situation, nor did he consider the child's helpless move to write homework on paper, the teacher felt that his authority was challenged, so he rudely tore up the homework, threatened to withdraw from school and other means to scare the child, in the hope of achieving the child's goal of no longer making mistakes.
Nemazadi is afraid of the majesty of the teacher, otherwise he would not have trembled when the teacher checked his homework, and panicked and cried when the teacher severely criticized. But he repeatedly lost his homework, although not intentionally, but there were certain personal reasons behind it. The teacher does not understand the reasons behind the child's behavior, does not point out the way to correct the child's mistakes, and only threatens him to withdraw from school in such a simple and rude way, hoping that the child can correct it, which will certainly not solve the actual problem.
How familiar is such a scene, when I was studying, once because I was on the way to school to help a grandmother find the way home, delayed time, when I arrived at school, the teacher had already taken half a class, I stood trembling at the door of the classroom, the teacher scolded with his head covered, a mouth that I was snoozing and late, punished me for standing at the door to listen to the class, at that time I was helpless and embarrassed, I really wanted to find a hole in the ground, because of the good mood of helping the grandmother and the pride and joy disappeared.
At that time, I really hoped that the teacher would stop scolding and ask me why I was late, and I thought that if I did, I might be able to get praise from teachers and classmates, and even if I didn't, I wouldn't be scolded by the dog blood sprinkler. However, the teacher only scolded, but there was no other inquiry and concern, the teacher did not care about the reason for my lateness, ignored my inner grievances, and just blindly believed that being late should be punished.
Many years later, I became a teacher, I always think of the embarrassing and lost state of mind when I stood at the door to listen to the lecture, so I was more patient with each child who made a mistake, seriously asked the reason behind the child's behavior, and found that many times, the child did not do something out of malice, and sometimes, the child did have a reason of last resort. Calm down, have a good talk with the child, and enter the child's inner world to truly understand the child and discover the reasons behind the child's behavior.
<h1 class= "pgc-h-arrow-right" > mom's perfunctory treatment of Ahmed</h1>
When Ahmad returned home and was ready to do his homework, he found that he had taken the homework book from the same table, and he was very upset with himself, he was worried that Nemazadi would not be able to turn in his homework tomorrow and would really be expelled from the teacher. He decided to return the homework book to his table anyway, and told his mother that if he did not return the homework, he would suffer and his friends would be killed.
Write your homework first, I told you to finish your homework first, finish your homework.
Mom always thought that Ahmad just wanted to go outside and play, so she repeatedly stressed that he should write his homework first. The mother has not stopped what she is doing, seriously talking to the child, listening to the child's inner thoughts, just a strong let him write homework, immediately write homework. Mom cares about her work, her little sister's crying, and Ahmad's homework, but she doesn't care about Ahmed's inner anxiety and uneasiness.
Ahmad almost said the seriousness of the problem in a crying voice, and repeatedly explained that it was because the two books were too similar, so they took the wrong one, and the mother finally stopped what she was doing, looked at the child casually, and then casually asked, Where does Nemazadi live? When she learned that she was in Bosti, her mother's reaction was first of all disbelief, and secondly, That Bosti was too far away, a homework book, and there was no need for Ahmed to send it over the mountains.
Mom didn't understand Ahmad's inner anxiety at all, didn't understand how a homework book could make the sky of two children fall, mom just thought about the problem from the perspective of an adult, felt that a book was just a book, not so much trouble. If the mother can stop the work in her hand and listen carefully to the child's voice, she will understand the importance of this homework book to the child and understand the child's inner anxiety.
In today's society, in many families, children cry and complain without understanding and respect, and children shout at their parents to be free, equal, and have the right to speak. As for the parents, they always believe that children are becoming more and more disobedient and more and more difficult to discipline, and parents hope that children can be well-behaved, sensible, understand the hardships of parents, and the relationship between children and parents is becoming increasingly tense.
As a parent, many times, busy with work, busy with housework, often ignore the equal dialogue with the child, always look at the child's behavior from the perspective of the parent, and guide the child's actions as a parent. If you can stop busy, listen carefully to the child's voice, go into the child's heart, think about what the child thinks from the child's point of view, worry about the child's worries, such parents, the child is naturally willing to be close to it. The parent-child relationship will not become more and more tense, but will become more intimate.
<h1 class= "pgc-h-arrow-right" > Grandpa's "education" of Ahmed</h1>
Ahmad's grandfather had his own set of "educational" principles for Ahmad, knowing that Ahmad was in a hurry to buy bread, but he deliberately asked Ahmad to go home and help him get cigarettes. He wanted Ahmad to make mistakes, which led to criticism and even a beating, and he talked about his father's education of himself:
My father gave me a penny a week and beat me once every two weeks, and sometimes he would forget to give me money, but never forgot to beat me, and it was this kind of education that made me an obedient person.
Grandpa's concept, the education of children is to use violence to make children obedient, such a consciousness is so sad, no matter what background, no matter what reason, under the stick out of filial piety, such an educational concept is not only praised by Ahmad's grandfather, there are still many people who believe in this way, do not explore the child's heart, do not understand the child's behavior, blindly scold the child, let the child submit to the authority of adults, be an "obedient" person, so treat the child, how can you really educate the child?
<h1 class = "pgc-h-arrow-right" > passers-by's disregard for Ahmad</h1>
Ahmad met a man on the street who was selling iron doors, he was discussing with others what problems, needed a piece of paper to record, he wanted to tear a piece of paper from the homework book he was holding in Ahmad's hand, Ahmad repeatedly stressed that the homework book was not his own, could not be torn off, would be criticized by the teacher, but the man did not listen to it at all, or he tore the paper from the homework book.
What the man did, did not respect the child at all, he also laughed and said, is just a piece of paper, there is no need to be so calculated, the man does not understand Ahmed's anxiety and sadness, and does not listen to what Ahmed said, in his eyes, the little fart in front of him is not enough to talk to him on an equal footing, and the man completely ignores Ahammad.
Ahmad overheard that the man was also called Nemazadi, and thought that perhaps he was the father of nemazadi at his table, so he eagerly asked him if he was Nemazadi's father, and Ahmad asked more than a dozen times, but there was no response. Perhaps not hearing Ahmed's inquiry, or perhaps feeling that the child in front of him was not enough to talk to him on an equal footing, the man chose to ignore Ahmed.
Think about it carefully, many times, treat children, whether we are like this, more perfunctory treatment, unwilling to have a serious dialogue with children, do not pay attention to children's problems, in the concept that children have nothing to do, children's problems do not matter. Treat children with less patience and no willingness to listen. As passers-by, we should give our children full respect, give them the right to speak, listen carefully to their children's voices, treat their children as ordinary people, and have equal dialogue.
At the end of the film, Ahmed helped his classmates to do their homework, and the same table was praised by the teacher. Compared with the beginning of the film, the child writes homework seriously but is scolded, and at this time, the child's deceptive behavior is approved by the teacher, which is ironic. At the end of the film, the small yellow flowers clipped on the book make people see a little beauty in a trance, and also leave the audience with unlimited thinking.
<h1 class="pgc-h-arrow-right" > how to get into a child's heart</h1>
Children's growth is only once, how can we enter the child's heart and better understand the child? I think doing the following three things can help us better enter the child's heart, to understand the child, to understand the child.
01. No matter how busy, when the child seriously talks to us, please stop the work in hand, look at the child's eyes, listen carefully to the child to finish the words, our attitude determines the child's desire to speak, if it is only while working, while randomly perfunctory child, let the child say the appeal, so that the child thinks that it is not respected, often to the mouth and do not want to say, and we will also ignore the child's emotional attitude because of the concern about the matter at hand. The first step in entering the child's soul is to let go of the things in hand and listen carefully to the child's complaints.
02. Rogers, the founder of humanism, proposed the concept of empathy:
Empathy is to put yourself in the shoes of others and to have the ability to feel and understand the emotions and emotions of others.
Standing in the child's position to think about the problem, this is very important, we will always unconsciously look at the problem from our own standpoint, so we often feel that the child's problem is not important at all, lack of empathy, it is impossible to understand the child's anxiety, naturally will not really feel empathy. Worrying about the child's worries, enjoying the child's happiness, and thinking about the problem from the child's point of view, can we better enter the child's heart and understand the child.
03. Talk to the child on an equal footing, give the child the necessary advice and help, listen to the child's voice, understand the child's crux, and give the child some advice and help, so that the child's problem can be solved practically. It is worth noting that when giving advice and help, we are often accustomed to imposing our own experiences and insights on our children, feeling that it is best to do so, but ignoring whether the child can accept it. At this time, it is particularly important to have an equal dialogue with the child, and give the child some feasible and acceptable suggestions under the premise of equal respect.
Sukhomlinsky once said: "In the most secret corner of every child's heart, there is a unique string, and plucking it will produce a unique sound, and if the child's heart is to resonate with what I am saying, I myself need to align it with the child's heart strings." "Children grow up small, how to better understand children, understand children, I hope that each of us can listen to the voice of children, align the heartstrings of children, and be a ferryman on the road to children's growth."