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I am a recently retired old man named Uncle Zhang. I have an only son, Zhang Xiaoming, a daughter-in-law, Li Ying, and two lovely grandsons, Zhang Wei and Zhang Li. After I retired, Xiao Ming's family insisted that I move in with them.
We stayed in a quiet neighborhood in a nice environment. The house is spacious and bright and the decoration is novel. My daughter-in-law Li Ying is a kind and diligent daughter-in-law who respects me very much. The two grandsons, Zhang Wei and Zhang Li, are also very obedient and well-behaved.
Xiao Ming and Yingying's original intentions are good, they hope that I will have a good living environment in my old age, I don't have to worry about housework, and they can take better care of me. I also wish I could spend more time with my two lovely grandchildren.
At the beginning, Xiao Ming and Yingying were really attentive to me. Whatever I want to eat, they will give me; Wherever I want, they accompany me.
"Dad, whatever you want to eat, I'll make it for you. Yingying always asks me that.
"Mother-in-law, are you going for a walk in the park? I'll go with you. "Xiao Ming always cares about me so much.
Yingying cleans the house spotlessly and cooks nutritious, balanced and delicious meals. I ate deliciously.
In the beginning, I was quite happy. In his later years, he had such a good environment, with children and grandchildren to serve him, and he didn't have to worry about eating and living well, and he was very happy.
Gradually, though, I started to feel a little uncomfortable. They are so attentive that it seems that I can't do anything by myself, and they need to worry about everything.
Once, Yingying actually helped me wash my underwear, and I felt shameless and ashamed.
"Yingying, how embarrassing is this, let you wash my panties. "I'm embarrassed to say.
"Mother-in-law, what is this, you are my relative. Yingying was very calm.
Xiao Ming had to drive me to the street, and I didn't even have the freedom to buy groceries. Once, I secretly went out to buy groceries alone, but Xiao Ming found out and reprimanded me fiercely.
"Dad, can't you just wait at home for me to pick you up, what can we do if something happens?" Xiao Ming was sweating profusely.
I began to feel that I had less and less initiative and autonomy in this family. It's like I'm an adult baby, and I rely on Xiao Ming and Yingying to take care of everything. I was helpless, I wanted to tell them to stop in moderation, but I was afraid of breaking their hearts.
Gradually, Xiao Ming and Yingying also began to have conflicts because of my affairs. Yingying felt that Xiao Ming spoiled me too much, and I didn't need to serve me like this at all. Xiao Ming thinks that Yingying is not considerate enough for me.
Once, they had a big fight over whether or not to wash my underwear.
"You just spoil your dad too much! How can you let the old man wash such intimate things as underwear and underwear by himself? It's too unorthodox!" Yingying said angrily.
"But my dad doesn't want you to wash it! You have to be a hero for a while, I think you're making a big fuss, right?" Xiao Ming is also on fire.
I watched them quarrel over my little things, and I felt guilty to myself. It hurts me to see the rift in their relationship because of me. I was secretly determined to make sure they regained their old feelings.
So I started to take the initiative to do some household chores that I could, such as tidying up the room, washing underwear, cooking simple home cooking, etc. At first, Xiao Ming and Yingying were very opposed and insisted on letting me rest, but I insisted that this was what I wanted to do and that I was not forced by them.
"Dad, just rest honestly, we'll do this little housework. "Xiao Ming persuaded me.
"It's okay, it's okay, I'm going to do what I can and exercise myself. The two of you are busy at work, I will help at home, and we will have a good time. I laughed.
Gradually, they let me do it. They also come to help when I do the housework. The three of us talked and laughed, as if we had regained the feeling we had ever had. Xiao Ming and Yingying also seem to have regained their former affection, and I am secretly happy.
One day, Xiao Ming suddenly said to me, "Dad, you are really our role model. You are so old, so helpful, so passionate about life, we young people should really learn from you. "
Yingying also said, "Mother-in-law, you are really not simple, we have suffered a big loss in the housework you have done, and we must ask you for advice in the future." "
I was very impressed and felt that I was doing the right thing. I told them, "It's not that the old man can't do anything, as long as we can, we can do something on our own." While it is good to serve the elderly, it is also important to give them some autonomy so that they can maintain their dignity and self-care ability. "
That's when a heart-wrenching thing happened. The youngest grandson, Zhang Wei, had a cold and fever due to the cooler weather. Yingying was anxious and busy at home alone. Xiao Ming worked overtime and came back late that day.
Seeing this scene, I didn't say a word, and immediately got up to take care of my little grandson. Although I am older, I have the experience of taking care of children. I gave Xiaowei medicine, wiped his body, told him stories, and lulled him to sleep. A person is so busy that he doesn't even bother to eat.
When Xiao Ming came back, when he saw this scene, he immediately blamed himself. He knelt down and said to me, "Dad, we spoil you too much and treat you like an old man who needs to be taken care of." In fact, you are still a person who has the ability to live independently, and you can still step up and do your part when it matters most. I'm so selfish that I'm going to take care of yourself. "
Yingying also cried bitterly and said, "Mother-in-law, you're sorry, it's all because I'm too selfish, I only care about my own affairs, but I ignore your ability and dignity." From now on, I must respect you and let you have your own living space. "
It was very gratifying to see two young people change their ways. I told them, "Your intentions are good, but you've just done it." Everyone should respect each other, and the elderly need the care of their children, but they should also be given autonomy in their lives. I will do what I can to help my family and not become a burden. "
Since then, the way we get along with each other has changed across three generations. Xiao Ming and Yingying no longer worry about my life in every detail, but give me enough autonomy. I started doing the chores I could, like cleaning, doing laundry, cooking simple home cooking, and so on.
They also take the initiative to share the household chores in their free time, rather than putting all the burden on me alone. Three generations have been considerate and supportive of each other, and life is finally back on track.
Sometimes Xiao Ming will say: "Dad, you have worked hard, just rest today, and I will do the housework." "
I would smile and reply, "Okay, okay, it's also appropriate for you young people to share some of the burden for the elderly." But don't think of me as an old woman who can't do anything!"
Yingying will also take the initiative to let me participate in housework decisions, "Mother-in-law, what are we going to eat today? "
I happily replied, "Just eat a home-cooked meal, let's do it together, how good it is!"
In this way, the relationship between our three generations has become more and more harmonious, and there has been more interaction and communication with each other. My life finally has meaning and fun again, instead of being passively served. Xiao Ming and Yingying have also learned to respect the elderly, rather than seeing them as incompetent "baggage".
All of this stems from the episode that makes us reflect. It was that little "fright" that made us realize that only by respecting and understanding each other can the elderly and their children love each other and look at each other. Even if the children are filial, they must learn to stop in moderation when serving the elderly, and give the elderly the dignity and self-care space they deserve, rather than treating them as "adult babies" who need to be taken care of.
Time flies, and in the blink of an eye, I have lived in Xiao Ming's family for more than five years. In the past five years, our family has gradually gotten better, and the three generations have reached a state of balance of mutual respect and mutual care.
One day, my old buddy Uncle Wang came to our house as a guest. He was amazed when he saw the living conditions of our family.
"Hey, Brother Zhang, your family has been a winner in life for a while. Three generations of children and grandchildren are happy, you enjoy the care of your children and grandchildren, and they respect your independence. I see that you have a balance between serving the elderly. "
I smiled and said, "Yes, Brother Wang, it wasn't like this from the beginning. In the past few years, we have also suffered a lot of losses. If it weren't for the episode of the little grandson's illness, we might still have been stuck in the strange circle of children worrying about serving and the old people passively accepting. "
"Tell me what's going on? "Uncle Wang is very interested.
I'll tell you about that experience.
"At that time, Xiao Ming and Yingying were out of kindness, trying to free me from all kinds of trivial things in life, so that I could enjoy my old age in peace. But they went a little too far, and treated me like an incompetent old man who had to take care of everything. I don't even have to wash my underwear myself, how shameful do you think it is?"
"Yes, I was embarrassed at that time, but I couldn't tell my children directly. Fortunately, when my grandson fell ill, I took the initiative to take care of him, and Xiao Ming and Yingying realized that I was actually capable of living independently. Since then, they have changed their attitude towards me and given me the autonomy I deserve in life. "
"Sure enough, you've all grown empathy. Children respect the dignity of the elderly, and the elderly also understand the good intentions of their children, and everyone understands and tolerates each other, which is the best way to get along. Uncle Wang sighed.
I nodded, sympathetic. I told Uncle Wang that his life was back on track.
"Now Xiao Ming and Yingying will no longer worry about my life in every detail, but give me enough autonomy. I would do the household chores that I could, like cleaning, doing laundry, and cooking simple home cooking. They also share household chores in their free time, and the three generations of us work together to support each other. "
"Look, isn't that good? You each have your own lives, and you can help each other and have fun. The old have their ends, and the young have support, this is a portrayal of your life now!" Uncle Wang said sincerely.
I nodded happily, secretly glad in my heart. If I hadn't experienced that "fright" back then, I might have been served by Xiao Ming and Yingying as "adult babies" for the rest of my life, and I would have lost my autonomy and dignity in life forever.
As the saying goes, "honing the wisdom of life comes from personal experience". That episode benefited all three generations of us and taught us the balance of serving the elderly. Children should respect the elderly and give them the autonomy they deserve; The elderly should also be considerate of their children's good intentions and do their best to share the housework, rather than being a "burden" for the whole child. Only by understanding and respecting each other can the elderly and their children love each other and grow old together.
At this moment, my little grandson Zhang Zhang came to me and said, "Grandpa, let's go for a walk in the park together? "
I smiled and agreed, and walked out on crutches and with tension and laughter. Uncle Wang looked at our backs and said with emotion: "Lao Zhang, your family is a model of a winner in life! I wish you three generations to live together and grow old together!"
Yes, as long as we understand and respect each other, we will be able to love each other and help each other in harmony. This is not only a principle that should be followed in serving the elderly, but also the highest level of all human relationships. I secretly pray that all my children and the elderly can find a balance in their lives and spend a happy and healthy old age like our family.
"Xiao Ming, Yingying, your filial piety to me, I will never forget. What is even more commendable is that you have learned to respect the dignity and autonomy of the elderly. I hope that you will treat my grandson equally, respect and understand each other, and love each other forever. "
Xiao Ming and Yingying nodded tearfully, I closed my eyes and left this world peacefully.
I believe that as long as everyone in the world can learn to serve the elderly in moderation like our family, the elderly and their children will be able to stay with each other and grow old together. This is not only the way of a family, but also the supreme wisdom of life in the whole society.
One autumn day decades later, my great-granddaughter Zhang Li came to visit my grave. She gently brushed away the fallen leaves on the tombstone, and her eyes showed infinite nostalgia for me.
"Grandpa, rest in peace on this land. I will always remember your teachings and pass them on from generation to generation. Zhang Li muttered to herself.
Zhang Li is Xiao Ming's granddaughter, and she has had a very good relationship with me since she was a child. When she was very young, I used to tell her my life story in the hope that she would draw wisdom from it.
On that day, Zhang Li recalled the teachings of my life with infinite thoughts about me. She remembered the story I told about "serving the elderly in moderation".
That happened many years ago. At that time, Zhang Li's grandfather Xiao Ming and grandmother Yingying took meticulous care of me, but sometimes they were too hot. They treated me like an incompetent old man who had to serve me to the end and completely deprived me of my autonomy in life.
It wasn't until one time, when Zhang Li's father Zhang Wei fell ill and I took the initiative to take care of him, that Xiao Ming and Yingying realized that I actually had the ability to live independently. Since then, they have changed their attitude towards me and given me the autonomy I deserve in life. Three generations of us began to respect each other, understand each other, love each other, and look forward to each other.
"Grandpa, what you said back then, I still remember it vividly. You said that children should respect the elderly and give them the autonomy they deserve in life; The elderly should also be considerate of their children's good intentions and share the housework within their ability, rather than being a 'burden' for the whole child. Only by understanding and respecting each other can the elderly and their children love each other and grow old together. Zhang Li muttered and repeated my teachings.
Yes, this is not only the principle that should be followed in serving the elderly, but also the highest level of all interpersonal relationships. Zhang Li secretly determined that she must pass on these life wisdom of her grandfather from generation to generation.
At this moment, Zhang Li's mother, Zhang Yan, came over and smiled slightly when she saw her daughter's nostalgic eyes.
"Lili, are you missing your grandfather's teachings? That's the essence of your grandfather's life. Zhang Yan said, "Don't forget, your grandfather told your father before he died, asking us to pass on this wisdom from generation to generation." "
Zhang Li nodded, her eyes firm. She told her mother that she would pass on this wisdom from generation to generation.
"Mom, don't worry, I will take my grandfather's teachings to heart, and I will teach my children and grandchildren in the future. We must pass on the virtues of 'respecting the old and loving the young, mutual understanding and mutual understanding' from generation to generation and never forget them!"
Zhang Yan was very relieved to hear this, she hugged her daughter, her eyes were full of tears.
"That's good, that's good. Your grandfather will be pleased with the Heavenly Spirit. The reason why he attached so much importance to these principles back then was that he hoped that they would be passed down from generation to generation in our family and become our eternal family motto. "
In this way, my teachings have been passed down from generation to generation. Zhang Li kept them firmly in her heart and gradually applied them to her own life.
When Zhang Li grew old and became an old man who needed her children to serve her, she insisted that her children give her the autonomy she deserved in life. She will do some housework within her ability and share the burden of her children.
Once, Zhang Li's son wanted to take care of her 24 hours a day and didn't let her do anything. Zhang Li solemnly refused.
"Son, don't think of me as an incompetent old woman. Although I am old, I still have the ability to take care of myself. You should respect me and give me some autonomy instead of treating me as a 'burden'. That's what your grandfather taught us. "
The son was persuaded by his mother and began to respect her wishes and give her the autonomy she deserved in life. As a result, the relationship between mother and son has become more harmonious.
In this way, my teachings have been passed down from generation to generation and have become the family motto of the Zhang family. Every generation can take this as a warning to deal with the way the elderly and their children get along. They have learned to respect and understand each other, to support each other in old age and to support each other, to love each other, and to look forward to each other.
"Grandpa, I hope you will always watch over us in the Heavenly Spirit. Your teachings have been passed down from generation to generation, and we will never forget them and pass them on forever!"
In fact, when I put forward the principle of "serving the elderly in moderation", it was not just for our family. My wish is for the whole society to draw wisdom from this and learn to find a balance between respecting the elderly and providing for the elderly.
If all children can be like Xiao Ming and Yingying, they can give the elderly the autonomy and dignity they deserve in life; If all the elderly can be like me, understand the good intentions of their children and share the housework within their ability; Then the whole society will be able to achieve a harmonious and orderly state.
The elderly will no longer be passively served, but will be able to do their part and retain their due dignity; Children will no longer regard pension as a heavy burden, but will treat it with a more understanding and considerate attitude.
Only by understanding and respecting each other can the elderly and their children truly love each other, and the society can achieve a state of sustainable development.
So this is not only the way of a family, but also the supreme wisdom of life that the whole society should follow. I sincerely hope that through our family's experience and lessons, we can provoke the whole society to think deeply about this issue.