Text: Marriage counselor Liu Jie
Getting married is a big turning point in everyone's life, it not only means that two people have to live together, but also means to integrate into a new environment.
For women, in this new environment, the relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law is often the most delicate and difficult to deal with.
We walked into marriage with enthusiasm, thinking that we would be able to live happily ever after. But I didn't realize that some of my words and deeds inadvertently hurt the relationship between my mother-in-law and daughter-in-law, making the days more and more tense.
So after getting married, it is better for a woman not to do three things, because these behaviors will only worsen the relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law.
01
Commanding her husband too much in front of her mother-in-law
Some women have a strong personality, or they are very willful. After getting married, she used to dictate to her husband at home, instructing him to do this and that, and treating herself as the "queen" of the family.
Even in front of her mother-in-law, she will not restrain herself, and she will still give her husband all kinds of commands. Or even something more intimate, such as asking her husband to pour water for washing his feet.
This kind of practice is actually nothing between husband and wife. But in the eyes of my mother-in-law, I will feel that it is too much, and it is not a taste in my heart. She will feel that her son is being called by you like this, and she will look very shameless.
You have to understand that every mother wants her children to be respected and loved.
When you command your husband too much in front of your mother-in-law, it will give your mother-in-law the illusion that "my son is being bullied", and by the way, she will be dissatisfied with you.
Therefore, a smart woman will save face for her husband in front of her mother-in-law, and will not command her husband, but will take the initiative to do things for her husband to avoid unnecessary misunderstandings.
02
I often complain to my mother-in-law that my husband is not
After getting married, some women find it unbearable for their husbands to have some living habits, such as throwing socks, not paying attention to hygiene, not liking housework, etc.
At this time, some women will choose to complain to their mother-in-law, or complain about these trivial matters in front of their mother-in-law, hoping that their mother-in-law can help "discipline" their husbands.
However, your expectations will be good, but the results will disappoint you. Most of the time, your mother-in-law will only think that you are too critical and not tolerant enough to your husband.
As the saying goes: "Mother-in-law and daughter-in-law, the whole family and harmony".
If you often complain about your husband's wrongs in front of your mother-in-law, it will make your mother-in-law feel that you have a lot of dissatisfaction with her son, which will not only make your mother-in-law feel embarrassed, but also cause her to be disgusted with you.
After all, in the mother-in-law's heart, her own son is always the best.
Therefore, the method of complaining to the mother-in-law is not advisable and will only cause more trouble. After marriage, a woman should learn to solve the problems between the husband and wife internally, instead of expanding the conflict.
03
Interfering too much in the mother-in-law's living habits
After some women marry into their mother-in-law's family, they are not used to some of their mother-in-law's practices. Especially in terms of living habits, after all, they are two generations, and the growth environment is different, and the lifestyle is completely different.
Because they can't stand their mother-in-law's living habits, some women will point fingers at their mother-in-law. Thinking that his lifestyle is better, he always wants to change his mother-in-law and let her come in her own way.
But this kind of attempt to change the other party is often thankless. The mother-in-law will feel that you dislike her, and the relationship between the two will only become more and more strained.
In fact, everyone has their own habits, which have been developed over the years. As the saying goes, "the country is easy to change, but the nature is difficult to change", and it is really very difficult, if not impossible, to change these living habits.
Therefore, as a junior, you must learn to respect your mother-in-law's living habits and not interfere too much.
As the ancients said, "Do not do unto others as you would have them do unto you." "If you can empathize, understand and accept the differences between your mother-in-law, then the relationship between your mother-in-law and daughter-in-law will ease a lot.
In addition to the above three things, there are also some behaviors that women should avoid after marriage.
For example, don't show off how superior your mother-in-law is in front of your mother-in-law, which will make your mother-in-law feel uncomfortable, and don't show too much affection in front of your mother-in-law, so as not to make your mother-in-law feel excluded.
Mr. Yang Jiang once said: "No matter what the relationship, the love is exhausted, and the fate has come to an end." Blame yourself for your mistakes and exit politely. Give yourself back and give others back to others. ”
This passage is telling us that the maintenance of any relationship requires the efforts and dedication of both parties. When there is a problem in the relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law, we should first find the reason from ourselves and learn to be tolerant and understanding.
Only in this way can we make the relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law more harmonious and make the marriage happier.