Text: Marriage counselor Liu Jie
For marriage, each of us is looking forward to a lifetime and a couple, hoping to grow old and love each other forever.
But marriage is far more complicated than we imagined, and in the trivialities of day after day, many people are more and more disappointed in marriage, and have the idea of divorce, and finally choose to go their separate ways.
After a divorce, some people choose to be alone, and some people choose to remarry and start a new marriage journey.
So in the minds of men, what is the difference between a first-married wife and a second-married wife?
01
Let's start with an example.
Mr. Zhang has been married twice, the first time he was young and full of romantic fantasies about marriage, but now he is more mature and steady, and has a deeper understanding of marriage.
"When we first got married, my wife and I were both very young, and we shared the same dreams and pursuits. Mr. Zhang recalled.
"At that time, we had endless words every day, imagined the future together, and shared the bits and pieces of life together. She was my first love and our relationship was very pure. This is Mr. Zhang's feeling about his first marriage.
But as time goes by, the trivialities and pressures of life gradually appear, and there are more and more contradictions between the two.
Mr. Zhang admitted that at that time, they were not mature enough to know how to manage their marriage, which eventually led to the breakdown of their relationship.
After the divorce, Mr. Zhang experienced a period of precipitation and reflection, he realized his shortcomings in his first marriage and was determined to do better in his next marriage.
"The wife of the second marriage, she is more mature and independent. Mr. Zhang said: "We have both had the experience of marriage, so we cherish our current life more and know how to pay for each other more." ”
In Mr. Zhang's view, the biggest difference between the first wife and the second wife lies in the understanding and attitude of both parties towards marriage.
In the first marriage, everyone is still young and has too many illusions about marriage, often ignoring the reality of life, while in the second marriage, they have a more practical understanding of marriage and know how to manage and maintain this relationship.
02
From a man's point of view, the difference between a first-married wife and a second-married wife is obvious.
The first wife carries a man's vision for marriage and family.
This is the first time a man has entered the palace of marriage, and he is full of expectations for his future life. And the first wife is usually the choice of a man when he is young, and the two have experienced the sweet process from falling in love to getting married together.
In this process, men will do their best to pursue the woman they love and bring out the best in themselves.
As Shakespeare said, "Love is blind, and lovers do not see the lovely silly things they do." ”
Because many things are the first time, a man's feelings for his first wife are often pure and passionate.
In the man's mind, the first wife is the lover who spends his youth with him, full of sweetness and memories. Together, they experience the ups and downs of love, as well as the ups and downs of life
It is precisely because of these experiences that the first wife occupies an irreplaceable position in the hearts of men.
When men experience a failed marriage, their attitude towards their second wife often undergoes some subtle changes.
When the second wife appears, the man already has a certain understanding and experience of married life, and they understand better what marriage is all about.
After a failure, men will be more cautious in choosing to change partners, and they pay more attention to whether the two parties can get along with each other and whether there is a common language.
In a man's heart, the second wife may no longer be the first love object that makes him excited, but she is a "confidant" who can spend the rest of his life together.
In the second marriage, a man usually pays more attention to reality, and he pays more attention to the living habits, family background and personality of both parties, including the issue of children.
With prudence and rationality, men also look forward to living a good wedding day, and are unwilling to repeat the mistakes of the past.
03
Everyone's experiences and emotions are unique, and we can't generalize.
But in general, the difference between the first wife and the second wife in the hearts of men is mainly that the first wife is a man's vision of marriage, while the second wife is a man's more rational and prudent choice.
There's a saying that goes like this: "Marriage is like a book, the first chapter is a psalm, while the rest is plain prose." ”
Whether it is a first marriage or a second marriage, marriage requires both parties to manage it with their hearts. Only by constantly running in and supporting each other in the dull years can we write a happy chapter.