Psychology: There are two characteristics that you have encountered?

Hello everyone, I'm Cuckoo~

A friend complained to me that he felt like he had raised a child with a thin nature.

Why, I asked?

He gave a few examples.

When eating, children will eat all the delicious dishes on the table, and will not feel sorry for their parents to leave a little for them.

When I go out to buy things, my parents carry the big and small bags, and the children always have their hands in their pockets, so they won't come over to help lift them.

When he met a familiar uncle and aunt, he never took the initiative to say hello, and passed by with an indifferent face.

Friends said that he felt that his children would not be close to him, and that sense of alienation and strangeness made him very sad.

Children are indifferent to themselves, many parents have encountered it, is that a thin and cold nature?

What does a "cold-natured" child look like? Psychology believes that there are two characteristics.

One: 2 characteristics of thin and cool nature

Psychology believes that children who are born thin and cold generally have two characteristics.

(1) Selfishness and indifference

This kind of child, who shows himself externally, is that when he encounters a conflict of interest, he will harm the interests of others for his own interests, even if the other party is his own parents.

For example, if you send your child to school in the morning and urge him, "Hurry up, we have to go out quickly, otherwise Mom and Dad will be late for work." ”

But he was indifferent: "If you are late, you will be late, what does it matter to me." ”

Children who are selfish and indifferent only care about themselves do not think about the consequences for others. They lack empathy, focus too much on themselves, and rarely care about others.

(2) Too rational and lacking emotion

Cuckoo's mother has seen a child whose father was hospitalized with a driving injury and his mother called him to visit. But he didn't raise his head: "I'm not a doctor, and I can't treat him, what's the use of going?"

He is indeed not a doctor and can't treat his father, but this excessive "reason" and lack of emotion make him too thin and cold.

People who are both selfish and overly rational give people the impression of being "distant, cold, and even cold-blooded". Children with such characteristics are generally considered to be "thin and cool by nature".

2: Why are there children who are "thin and cold" by nature?

How did a thin and cool child come up?

Studies have shown that a child's personality can be greatly affected during the fetal period.

If in the first place, the mother does not want the child, and the attitude towards him is "annoying, tangled, and unwelcoming".

Well, the child can feel it too. He had to form a "self-protection" mechanism and treat people and things around him with indifference so as not to get hurt himself.

But there are also children who are warm, welcoming, and close to people when they are young, but as they grow up, they become detached.

This type may not be "natural" and cold, but after slowly changing the environment, it becomes "sanity".

After he came to this world, the family environment in which he lived was not very good.

Parents may be so busy arguing and calculating that they neglect the presence of their children. Or, parents only care about living in their own world, lack of care and love for their children, and beat and scold their children at every turn.

Then, in order to survive, children will suppress their emotions and prevent themselves from having the need to be "loved".

Children who are not loved naturally do not know how to love others. Slowly, he became indifferent and indifferent to other people's emotions.

Three: Parents guide in time

A child who is "natural" and cold, and his indifference will generally be revealed before the age of 3. If we guide him in time, we may be able to make him a warm child.

Or, if we change the parenting style in time, we can also make the children who have become thinner and cooler by the environment slowly become warmer.

(1) Establish a warm parent-child relationship

The most important thing we need to do to raise a cool child is to let the child feel love and warmth. Let him know that his parents can be trusted and can give love.

We usually need to express our love more, feel like, not hide it in our hearts, but express it in time: "Mom really loves you!"

If you don't want to say it, you can also give your child a hug.

Especially when the child is frustrated, sad and sad, preaching and reasoning will only push the child away, and a silent hug can make him feel: "I am accepted by my parents, and my parents can be trusted." ”

Once he can feel a positive and warm parent-child relationship, he is willing to reveal his emotions instead of hiding them.

(2) Teach children to recognize and express emotions

We can teach children to recognize and express a variety of emotions.

In this way, whenever the child has emotions, he can be aware of his state in time instead of subconsciously becoming indifferent.

When the child is young, we accompany him to read picture books, read the key plots, and we can teach the child to explore the feeling part.

For example, when Bugu Mom takes Bu Niu to read "Tom's Grandfather Has Died", when she sees that her grandfather can't wake up again, Cuckoo will stop and ask her, "How do you feel like Tom?" or "Would you be sad if you never saw Grandpa again?"

Such questions not only help children recognize the emotions of the characters in the story, but also guide them to put themselves in the shoes of others and develop empathy.

Expressing and recognizing emotions is essential for a child's emotional intellectual development. In the future, he will be able to recognize his emotions in time and express them smoothly, instead of suppressing himself and becoming emotionally apathetic.

(3) No matter how busy you are, you have to take care of your children

There are many parents around me who are usually busy with work. Even when I have time to spend with my children, I play with my phone or do other things.

When the children are older, they will be particularly distressed: "What should I do if my child is rebellious? What should I do if my child is disobedient? What if my child only plays with his mobile phone and no one pays attention to him?"

When a child, with whom the attachment to his parents is not strong, he retreats into his own world and becomes emotionally indifferent.

He is reluctant to communicate, speak, or obey his parents' discipline.

At this time, the most important thing we need to do is to establish an attachment relationship with our children, no matter how busy we are.

You can arrange a fixed family time, that is, no matter how busy you are, take a fixed hour or half a day a week to concentrate on spending time with your children.

During this time period, I don't do anything, let alone play with my mobile phone, I only play with my children, and my heart is only on my children.

This kind of fixed parent-child time can make children feel loved and cared for, so that they can become dependent on their parents.

Of course, change doesn't happen all at once. It requires continuous, steady effort and patience.

As long as parents give their children firm and stable love and attention, I believe that the child will one day become a caring person.

Have you ever met a child who is "cold by nature"?

[The picture comes from the Internet, invaded and deleted]

About the author:Cuckoo mother, psychological counselor, family education instructor, marriage emotional counselor, focusing on children's psychology, understanding children's easy parenting, if you like it, pay attention to it~